hisforhenrietta

Do you like being asexual?

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hisforhenrietta

I'm thinking about starting to identify as asexual but it scares me. I came out as gay 8 years ago and I love being gay and I'm super proud of it. It's a different kind of fear - when I came out as gay I was scared of society not accepting me but now I'm scared of not finding a partner/being accepted by someone I date.

 

So: do you like that you are asexual? Are you proud to tell people?

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Ess-Kat

Hey, I do like being asexual. It something I feel personally make me who I am.  I haven't told anyone I am asexual and that idea does scare me quite a-bit. I do share the same fear as you, but I don't really think about that too often, at least for me right now I happy being with myself. 

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Moon Spirit ☽

At first I didn't know how I felt about it, but then I recognized that it's been part of my identity all along and I decided to embrace it. Now that I'm certain I am aromantic asexual, I feel like it really suits my personality and everything. I'm an incredibly unique individual and I honestly can't even picture myself with anyone.

 

I don't tell people unless I really want to and don't anticipate them reacting negatively. There isn't much of a point in telling people to me, personally. People don't really need to know that much about anyone else.

 

I'm not romantic but I recognize that it can be difficult for romantic asexuals to find/keep partners from the millions of threads I have read. I would say just try to learn to be content on your own just in case you don't find a good match, just so you don't spend the rest of your life feeling miserable about being alone.

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MollyDMA

I'm proud, but also I'm not in the same situation as you. I also identify and aro and I worry less about people not accepting me and more about people not believing me. I've had a few people (guys) say that they can change my mind and a few 'tried'. Other than that I do take pride in who/what I am.

Just watch out for those who doubt you and ask to change your mind

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Star Lion

Honestly, it’s a win-loss. I love that I’m unique and I don’t have the struggles straight people in the dating game tend to have. I love our culture and being able to relate to the level of LGBT+. I hate being invisible and unrelatable to most of my friends. I feel alone not having any asexual friends. I want to date too but I wouldn’t ever date someone who’s not asexual. Even though I’ve been pretty decent at making friends, I feel like I would have a lot more if I was straight. Just about every song that comes on the radio is a love song relating to the straight experience. Where are the songs about my experience that I can relate to? Then even though I feel this way, I still have the fear of being a late bloomer. It’s too late in my life for me to actually want to have the sexual/regular romantic attraction experience. If I was gonna have it, I would like to have had it about 3-5 years ago when my peers were having their new experiences. For me to morph into this all of a sudden would take a drastic toll on my life and make me seriously think about the several years I missed out on this experience my friends had. I don’t want that to happen. I’ve also dedicated a huge part of my life to being “normal” although I knew from the beginning of middle school I wasn’t going to date. Upon accepting this asexual label, I’ve pushed myself far into queer territory and it’s honestly giving me anxiety when it comes to my straight friends. I don’t know, my life is complicated and I want to move far away from where I am so I can just start my life over

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Anthracite_Impreza

I very much do, it's less to worry about and makes things easier for me (being aro and mecha-).

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Laplace

I guess it un-complicates things and I don’t have to worry about spending my money on anyone 🤔. I’m not sure if I’m ecstatic about it per se but it’s more like I don’t see how it could have turned out any other way. This is hand I was dealt, no use being unhappy with my likely orientation cause there’s enough worries in life as it is. Overall, I think it has been a positive for me, cause asexuality really has allowed me to focus on own desires. No need to assess self-worth based on if girls like you, no more grandstanding to impress people, and no need to plan on having a family in X years or whatever. Besides, with my attitude and pickiness, I’d suck at romance anyways. Imagine dealing with my facetious, sardonic remarks all the time. 🙃

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Galactic Turtle

I don't like or dislike it. It's not an accomplishment or something I worked towards. It's just a fact. I don't tell people about it. Seems like an odd thing to bring up out of the blue but I won't lie about it if asked. 

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hisforhenrietta

Thanks for your replies... it's good to hear that people are having positive (or at least not terrible) experiences down the track. I've been super happy being single this year - not in an aro sense just that I have been enjoying my freedom, partying a lot and making a lot of new friends (not feeling some kind of obligation to have sex has been cool too), but I've recently started dating someone and it's a nice feeling too. Thankfully I have never wanted to have children so not having a family has never been a worry for me :)

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Coily the Spring Sprite

Don't know if I like it any more than I like being left handed or that when I had hair it naturally parted on the right. It just is. I tend to be fairly private so I don't really talk about it with others mostly because it doesn't come up. The one thing I like about it is that I'm not out trying to find my next conquest. I don't need someone else to 'complete' me. I take solo road trips and can enjoy them and not wish I had someone with me. I'm not interested in dating but am always looking for a new friend.  Hopefully this makes sense, I have had a beer or two.

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Strifed

I like it since it is part of who I am! I have always loved my independence and the freedom to do things, so it doesn't bother me to not date. I love having friends around sometimes and doing things from time to time with them, though I also just love doing things on my own. Even though I say all of this, I have never come out and fully told anyone I was asexual (at least not IRL...). I just say  "thanks, but no thanks" to dates when I get asked out. If someone asked me why I'm not dating I just say I'm not interested at the moment and I have other things on my mind. I never really thought to tell anyone I was specifically asexual, because it is honest that I'm not interested at all in dating.

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Dr. Beat

Yes. It's allowed me to find out and understand a lot of things about me. I never had thoughts of being broken since I've kind of always been the odd one out, but it's awesome to know that there are other people like me and that there are people who also tend to value friendship and platonic love way more than my society says it's okay to. The past two years have been full of self discovery, a major discovery being this.

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Ms. Carolynne

I would say yes. In and of itself it's just kind of innocuous, but learning the term and finding this community has helped me better understand myself, beyond my lack of interest in sex itself.

 

I've also learned about various types of attraction, as well as gender identity, which has helped me further sort out my feelings.

 

As for telling people, I'm sort of out. I mostly keep it to myself, but if it comes up, I'm open.

 

I don't have much fear of a partner not accepting it, though that fear is kind of there, at least hypothetically. However, I don't usually have much drive to date or be in a relationship (I rarely get "lonely" in that sense), and I haven't had a crush in like 6 years.

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The Sadmoose

I'm proud to tell people if they ask. I find that I struggle more with internal hate rather than society hate (which is completely my own fault and not every asexual will experience it)

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Tunes

I like it a lot! I mean, like others have said, it is a part of who I am - whether I decide to use the term or not. So why not embrace it and be proud of it? It's who I am!

 

And I have an ace partner. Neither one of use knew what asexuality was when we met (but she accepted how she was without a term, and I was the asshole who assumed that it was just because I was immature, went out of my way to pretend I was totally into sex, and talked down to said friend telling her that she was also just immature and would grow into it... I am somewhat ashamed of my past self for this, but I didn't know any better and I did learn, so I forgive). But I figure I must be outside of the statistical norm in order to have found another ace partner so naturally and easily, but if it can happen that easily for *anyone* then it can't be that impossible on a normal basis. :shrug:

 

As for telling people, I love to tell people! I mean, sure - it can really hurt when it's people that you want to back you up. I guess I don't have many people in my life that are worth having a relationship (of any kind) with, so I didn't really care too much what most of them thought. My sister's comments hurt, but it was all a big misunderstanding, and she totally gets it now. She still denies that asexuals have any reason to struggle in society or even really set themselves apart, but she accepts it as a thing and understands what it means, so good enough. Can't win them all. 😕 But as far as people that I don't know well, I love telling people about it - because if I run into someone who doesn't know what it is or doesn't understand it, I get to tell them! And I like knowing that I am helping asexual visibility. :) 

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charlieschmitt

I'm fine with being ace, no particular likes or dislikes about it, but I generally don't bring it up. It's pretty uncomfortable, even when the conversation strays that way. I do feel obligated, however, to tell people about it when they express interest in me. Feels almost like I need a reason to properly reject them and don't want them to feel bad.

 

As for this:

10 minutes ago, Tunes said:

She still denies that asexuals have any reason to struggle in society or even really set themselves apart

Maybe it takes asexuals to see that the world is so much sexualised that regular people don't even notice it. It's those moments when people are talking about their sexuality and your lack of it just stares at you right in your face, as you try to move out of the conversation and not get noticed, hoping that someone doesn't ask you about it.

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Tunes
4 minutes ago, charlieschmitt said:

 hoping that someone doesn't ask you about it.

I actually hope that they do ask about it (most days). I like feeling like an activist. 

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Stralen

I like it more than I dislike it. I'm very fortunate that I've always known; I can't help but wonder if that wasn't the case, I'd have been so confused and possibly felt the pressure to be sexual or worse, coerced into it. Because of this, I consider it part of who I am-- and almost always chosen to be truthful about it when asked on "where" I fall on. I also have very little time for myself as it is... I can't imagine having to allocate some time for a significant other. Oh and less distraction too lol!

 

Now for the dislike... I don't disclose that I'm ace when I feel some sense of threat. Some people can be so close- minded and terrible... I've had people being dismissive and laugh at me, even gone as far to suggest that I need "some"... I've also been sexually harassed about it, after it was made known. This kind of thing undeniably has hurt me a lot and sometimes make me wish that I'm not ace. Besides also feeling left out, because I can't relate when friends speak about their sexual attraction to whoever.

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Koalanite

I've known that I'm asexual for about 4 years now and I've only really 100% started to be happy about it in the past year or so. Accepting myself was a long process and I used to not want to be ace but now I don't think I'd want to be allosexual!

 

I was in a relationship when I discovered I was ace so that definitely made me less afraid of not finding a partner and everything. We broke up a year ago and I suddenly became very scared of being alone forever. But since then I've actually started questioning my romantic orientation too and I've realized that all I really want is to be happy in life! I adore my friends and I really love animals and that's all I'd personally need to be happy.

 

Of course that isn't the case for everyone, and I'm sure you'll find a partner someday who will accept your asexuality! Sadly we can't see into the future and perfectly plan out our lives so try to just live in the moment and focus on the things that make you happy!

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Fantastic Name

I'm neutral. There are some aspects of it I like and others that I dislike. Being asexual lets me focus on the things in my life that actually do matter, which is nice. I also really love being a part of the ace community. However, it's hard sometimes living in a world where almost everyone is obsessed with the one thing you couldn't care less about.

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Alejandrogynous

Overall, I'm pretty okay with it. It has some downsides, but I'm also not too fussed over finding someone to date so I don't have that struggle to contend with. I imagine I'd have stronger feelings in some respects if I were looking for a partner. For me though, it's just a part of who I am, the same way loving books and being short is. I can't dislike it because without it, I wouldn't be myself. 

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Duke Memphis

I'm pretty neutral about it. In fact, you could say that I don't lean either way. *Rim shot*

 

I'm comfortable with tasteful jokes, and I'm becoming more comfortable with coming out to people.

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Fluffy Femme Guy

I'm really glad that I don't feel compelled to have romantic and sexual drama in my life.

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Fifi123

Yes, I do. At least since the puzzle has been solved, so to speak. Now I can just live my life, and be me and me alone. That's something I really, really like. 😊

I don't mention it to people though (except to the few who know), but I would not lie about it if anyone asked.

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The Dryad

Hmm, I'm neutral, it's just the way I happen to be, no big deal.

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Tarvaa

Great to hear most of you are either neutral or fine with being Ace, that does give me some hope. I, myself, in my current situation of accepting it and figuring out how that's going to affect my marriage, am truly frightened, with a large unhealthy added dollop of self-loathing, but I can't deny it any longer. I'm Ace and we're going to have to deal with that, painful as it may get at times. So, no, I don't like it, but I'm hear to learn.

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MichaelTannock

@hisforhenrietta I honestly don't know how I feel about being Asexual.

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Nowhere Girl

I absolutely do. I'm sex-averse, so the idea of being able to desire sex just feels distressing to me. I don't want it, so I have no problem with living without it.

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xeraphax

Once I worked it out, it took the pressure of me. 

 

I always thought there was something wrong with me not having much interest in sex. Now I know it's just who I am. 

 

In my observations, sex leads to lots of unhappy relationships. If you can have one without that interfering, you'll have a much happier time of it. 

 

 

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Ashara

Yes.

I don't have to worry about another person and their needs. No pregnancy scares.

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