AzureBlau Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 As the title says, I identify as asexual, but I have some problems. I want to feel sex and the feeling that comes with it (I AM a virgin), but at the same time the act itself honestly grosses me out a bit. It’s been really eating away at me because I’m just so confused by these feelings. So can I still be considered asexual but just curious? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barbio Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 You absolutely can! From what I've observed, a lot of asexuals have tried sex/are interested in trying sex (personally, I wouldn't mind trying it sometime with someone who I felt comfortable enough doing it with, if such a person exists), but yes, sex is still kind of gross when you think about it, haha. What defines you as an asexual isn't what your thoughts on sex are or what "sexual" acts you may or may not participate in, but simply whether or not you experience sexual attractions towards others. If you experience little-to-no sexual attraction, then you are likely ace-spectrum. You can be as curious about sex as you want and still be ace! Also, welcome to AVEN! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Oat Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 From my understanding yes you can still be asexual and be curious 😊 Welcome to the site! Please help yourself to some cake: 🍰 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 Yes, it does happen, but at the same time, I wouldn't really consider wanting to have sex because you're curious about it to be the same thing as wanting to have sex because you know for a fact that you truly desire it deep down. Once you satisfy that curiosity and conclude that, yes, you do want to pursue sex with people, that is when you start being more like a "normal" sexual person. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 19 hours ago, Barbio said: You absolutely can! From what I've observed, a lot of asexuals have tried sex/are interested in trying sex (personally, I wouldn't mind trying it sometime with someone who I felt comfortable enough doing it with, if such a person exists), but yes, sex is still kind of gross when you think about it, haha. What defines you as an asexual isn't what your thoughts on sex are or what "sexual" acts you may or may not participate in, but simply whether or not you experience sexual attractions towards others. If you experience little-to-no sexual attraction, then you are likely ace-spectrum. You can be as curious about sex as you want and still be ace! Also, welcome to AVEN! Not for all people it is so simple. I do have some low-level curiosity about what does it feel like - but I'm not going to "satisfy" my curiosity because I'm much too sex-averse and nudity-averse to be able to do it. Feelings of aversion/repulsion have different shades and grades. "Sex is gross"... well, yes it is, but for me it's really a minor concern compared to how frightening the idea of having someone do something to my body feels and how distressed I feel at the thought of being naked in another person's presence. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barbio Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 @Nowhere Girl That's why I said "a lot of" asexuals, not "all" asexuals. I didn't mean to imply that every asexual secretly wants to try sex just to satisfy their curiosity, I was just trying to explain that you can be curious and still call yourself asexual. Sorry if there was any misunderstanding! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 15 minutes ago, Barbio said: @Nowhere Girl That's why I said "a lot of" asexuals, not "all" asexuals. I didn't mean to imply that every asexual secretly wants to try sex just to satisfy their curiosity, I was just trying to explain that you can be curious and still call yourself asexual. Sorry if there was any misunderstanding! I didn't really read it as "all asexuals are curious about sex", rather as "all sex-curious people have a level of actual willingness to have sex". And the latter is false as well - one can be curious and yet unable to act on their curiosity in any way. (Though I don't want it to sound so negative, I wouldn't like to be sex-indifferent and/or potentially able to have sex.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 17, 2018 Share Posted October 17, 2018 The person qualified their statement with "a lot" (twice, in fact), which doesn't mean "all", so either way you read it it would have been wrong. Stop trying to create a debate where none exists. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Barbio Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Well, that's not what I meant to imply, and I'm sorry if that's how it came off! I guess I probably could have worded my first post a little better now that I look at it. The main point I was trying to drive home was that asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction towards others, and that any other thoughts/feelings/etc about sex are not necessarily part of the definition. Sorry about the confusion! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Starlit Sky Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Honestly I'm a bit confused as to what you mean, OP. Do you mean that you want to have sex because you want it (as in, you have just a bodily desire for it, even though it grosses you out)? If that's the case then, actually, I've come across a lot of sexuals that have felt that way, especially before they've actually had sex. It's totally normal. On the other hand, if you want to have sex because you're curious, that's a different thing, and I've come across a number of asexuals who feel that way. (Then again, I've also come across a number of sexuals who feel that way, so you know.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 @AzureBlau Do you fantasize? There are some aces that do fantasize, but wouldn't go through with it for real. It's possible you could be one of these. At one point I thought I wanted to, but when somebody actually offered I was mortified. 10 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: Feelings of aversion/repulsion have different shades and grades. "Sex is gross"... well, yes it is, but for me it's really a minor concern compared to how frightening the idea of having someone do something to my body feels and how distressed I feel at the thought of being naked in another person's presence. I would also be incredibly uncomfortable (this is an enormous understatement) 'doing things' to someone else's body. Being touched like that wouldn't sit well me. Doing the actually touching would make me feel 1000x worse. Nudity would make me uncomfortable, but all the erotic touching and body interaction is totally out of the question. I'd much rather give someone a firm hug while both parties are fully clothed, with no sexual or romantic implications. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 Quote Well, that's not what I meant to imply, and I'm sorry if that's how it came off! I guess I probably could have worded my first post a little better now that I look at it. The main point I was trying to drive home was that asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction towards others, and that any other thoughts/feelings/etc about sex are not necessarily part of the definition. Sorry about the confusion! What you said was perfectly fine and understandable. There comes a point where there's only so much a speaker can do to communicate something; it then becomes up to the listener to parse everything correctly without like, blatantly disregarding what they say and putting words in their mouth. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lazypanda Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 13 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: There are some aces that do fantasize, but wouldn't go through with it for real. That would be me. 😛 It had me questioning my asexuality for a while. 13 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: I would also be incredibly uncomfortable (this is an enormous understatement) 'doing things' to someone else's body. Lol, I always thought guys had it worse than girls, since they had to actively "do" things, while a girl could just lie there and think about agriculture in 19th centuary China(that would be more interesting than sex) @AzureBlau I would say you are just curious. The human mind likes to imagine, even about situations that you would not actively seek out in real life. For example, we like to imagine fleeing from fire breathing dragons, but no one would actually want to be stuck with a dragon in real life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted October 18, 2018 Share Posted October 18, 2018 49 minutes ago, lazypanda said: Lol, I always thought guys had it worse than girls, since they had to actively "do" things, while a girl could just lie there and think about agriculture in 19th centuary China(that would be more interesting than sex) No way. I'd never let it happen to my body. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 Quote Lol, I always thought guys had it worse than girls, since they had to actively "do" things, while a girl could just lie there and think about agriculture in 19th centuary China(that would be more interesting than sex) Technically speaking, the guy also can just lie there while the girl "does things" All it takes is at least one person playing an active role at any given time. Doesn't matter who. If girls couldn't do this, lesbian sexual relationships would encounter a bit of a problem. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 @AzureBlau Welcome to AVEN! If it's just curiosity, then, of course, you're Asexual. If you desire sex with a specific person though, that would mean you're feeling Sexual Attraction and would either be Sexual, Greysexual, Demisexual, etc. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 4 hours ago, Philip027 said: Technically speaking, the guy also can just lie there while the girl "does things" Yeah, um... yeah. I suppose if he really wants to simultaneously read about 19th century Chinese agriculture on his phone we could manage that too. That sounds more fun than lying around thinking about it imho. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Linda_jj Posted October 27, 2018 Share Posted October 27, 2018 Omg yes just like me!. I first thought that I'm cupiosexual cause i thought i have desire for sexual relationship but i don't experience sexual attraction but when i dated a guy i noticed that I'm so disgusted by him even touching me! And it's so confusing and hard cause you always think u may want sex and when it comes to happen(not just sex but any sexual activity ) you'd feel so repulsed and disgusted! I still can be a cupiosexual with sexual aversion disorder though....not sure if it's actually about another asexuality spectrum or a disorder! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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