Why are these things considered romantic?

[Rainbownonsense]

Hey, new here! I have a weird question. Why are certain things considered romantic? For example: Kissing, a candlelit dinner, roses, etc. I've seen a lot of definitions of romantic attraction as the desire to do those things, which is just really difficult for me to wrap my head around. I mean, I know plenty of families (not mine, but others) who kiss on the lips as a hello, or form of affection. And food, candles, and flowers are just nice things. I don't understand why wanting those things is seen as an indicator of romantic attraction. To me they just seem kind of... Nice? I don't understand why a person would only want to experience those things if they were romantically interested in someone, and not if they were just friends.

[ColeHW34]

I guess it is because it is considered a normal and majority idea of what dates or relationships are.

[letusdeleteouraccounts]

They’re not exactly an indicator of romantic attraction. They’re more like turn ons, sensual actions, and ways people like to show that they appreciate a person. Romantic attraction is about that feeling urging you to date a person as a whole. Wanting to connect, learn about each other, eventually live together, and a bunch of other other things couples do. The appreciation acts of flowers and kissing etc are just things couples might have the desire to do for each other

[Muledeer]

It depends on the level those things you mentioned are taken to.  Kissing, like a peck on the cheek or even a kiss on the mouth is far different than a sensual, long duration, lip sucking, tongue exchanging, hand petting, heavy breathing embrace.  Same with a candlelight dinner - candles and dinner by themselves are not a marker of romance, but holding hands and staring deeply into each others eyes during the dinner are indeed indicators of a romantic exchange.    And roses? I gave my mother roses or other flowers for every holiday or occasion because she simply loved flowers and especially roses.  But roses given to someone with the expectation of sex or other favors in kind is a romantic gesture.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Same reason diamond rings are expected at marriage ceremonies - culture. It isn't the law to wear rings when you're married, there's no biological or practical purpose to it, it's just a RL meme that spread through the population and stuck.

[SorryNotSorry]

Good question. I don't kiss because I find it unhygienic. I just don't feel the magic of candlelit dinners, to me dim light is just an inconvenience.

 

What I want to know is why some behaviors are perfectly acceptable (or considered turn-ons) when done by women, but if a man does them, he's considered a total jerk.

[Ennis]

There's also an overlap between things common in romantic relationships and ideas of Romanticism (the age).

[Tunes]

These are things that society deems romantic because they are things that romantics will typically do to express those feelings. However they are not good indicators for whether or not you are (a)romantic for the exact reason that you bring up - they can potentially be viewed in a platonic way. That's why aromanticism is so hard to define or determine if you qualify; there is no specific action that everyone everywhere always views as distinctly romantic. So you have to look at the things that you personally consider nonplatonic. 

[Lipbalm]

On 10/16/2018 at 7:01 PM, Rainbownonsense said:

Hey, new here! I have a weird question. Why are certain things considered romantic? For example: Kissing, a candlelit dinner, roses, etc. I've seen a lot of definitions of romantic attraction as the desire to do those things, which is just really difficult for me to wrap my head around. I mean, I know plenty of families (not mine, but others) who kiss on the lips as a hello, or form of affection. And food, candles, and flowers are just nice things. I don't understand why wanting those things is seen as an indicator of romantic attraction. To me they just seem kind of... Nice? I don't understand why a person would only want to experience those things if they were romantically interested in someone, and not if they were just friends.

hah ! I was thinking exactly the same thing last night!

 

Is it culture/society perhaps??

Kissing is romantic but these aren't romantic to me:

• candles
• red roses
• dinner

my parents light candles when they have good friends or family round for dinner, and it's nothing romantic. 

 

 

[Zash]

On the topic of roses, the colour means different things.  Red are for love/romance, pink is for crushes/admiration, yellow is friendship, and white is purity.  The other colours have meanings too, but, those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.

[kaysir]

Culture, context, and preferences dictate these things. Sure, you know families that kiss on the lips, but you also know people who would never do that. Roses and other flowers would just be a nice gift to you, but chances are that if you bought roses for someone else they would think you were romantically interested in them. Candles are just candles and dinner is just dinner, but they are generally only put together for special occasions, particularly special dates.

 

They are nice gestures, of course, because people want to be nice to those they like, be it platonically or romantically. People also want specific ways to be nice to those they like romantically. In many cultures, over many years, the acts you speak of have become tied in with romance and not friendship or family just so there can be something distinguishing such relationships. They have been turned into romantic concepts through repeated use in romantic situations.

 

Pair these trends with humanity's need for social and physical contact and you have the reason why so many people crave these gestures in their dating lives and describe romantic attraction with them.