Paris101 Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Hi- So basically I'm not sure whether I'm asexual or fear relationships... I never get crushes (not in the fierce way other people seem to describe) and my interest in someone lasts at most a couple days. Usually I'm not interested in them for any particular reason otherthan that they have first showed interest in me. I don't have sexual urges, or masturbate ever. I don't find people 'hot' in the way other people do.... like I can appreciate they're attractive, but not drool over them like other people do. I know all of this kinda points towards asexuality, but I'm pretty sure there was a time when I did feel sexual? When I was just going through puberty? I alaso know that relationships are something I am genuinely afraid of. When I was growing up, my mum was going through a particularly nasty divorce and it kinda got drilled into me every day how love is painful. Not to trust men etc etc. And even though now she is in a happy relationship, I find it hard to see the point in one unless you know it will end happily ever after. Now I'm at university, and I have for all my life been avoiding relationships, but it's getting increasingly harder the older I get. I should know what I want, but I have no idea!!!! A sexual relationship? Romantic relationship? Do I even want a partner? I'm not sure whether to have a relationship just to test my own feelings, but isn't that cruel on the other person if I realise I'm incapable of loving them? How did you guys figure out who you were for sure? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kahlan Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 7 minutes ago, Paris101 said: A sexual relationship? Romantic relationship? Do I even want a partner? I'm not sure whether to have a relationship just to test my own feelings, but isn't that cruel on the other person if I realise I'm incapable of loving them? How did you guys figure out who you were for sure? I can't say no to that but isn't it necessary sometimes to experience things by yourself to know for sure? I mean sure it can end up badly and people can get hurt but better make a mistake once and not do it again rather than never do anything in fear or making a mistake. I think you can't always put others first, sometimes you have to give yourself the priority and there might come a time, later on, when you'll regret not doing certain things... even if it was just once. I think if you want to experience, you're free to do so... you can also be prepared and transparent with the person you're interested in but that might... make the relationship weird and fake from the start. I know I have experienced stuff and I hurt someone along the way but sometimes even when you're forward and open about possibly being ace/aro, from the POV of the other person, the perception is different and they can end up hurt for what they expected the relationship to be and not for what you actually did or didn't do... yeah it's confusing haha it's an awkward territory haha 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 The only thing that's relevant to asexuality is whether you have any desire for sex, which it sounds like you don't. Everything else you described is romanticism, which it sounds like is an area that needs further exploration on your part (by which I mean thought, not necessarily action). 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 Consider this to make your decision: Sexual Attraction: Urges to have sex with certain people Romantic Attraction: Urges to date certain people and be romantic with them Physical Attraction: Those “stomach butterflies” from a person’s looks and appearance Emotional Attraction: “Stomach butterflies” from and being attracted to a person’s personality Aesthetic Attraction: Admiring a person’s looks and appearance Sensual Attraction: Urges to touch and be physical with a person The difference between them is definitely a big factor and all other things outside of this aren’t really related to attraction Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 @Paris101 Welcome to AVEN! When you say that you're sure there was a time that you felt sexual, did you mean sexual arousal or did you mean sexual attraction? Incidentally, it's a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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