My sexual partner confessed his love to me

[Kayla H. Ahn]

He's my BF and also a sexual partner. We've known each other like, forever. He and I've been a sexual partner. Although everyone said we were totally in a wrong relationship and my friends didn't like him, cause he is black and we were Asian, we(At least I was) satisfied with this relationship. I was young, and I thought that sex was something that people "pretended" to feel good, so I thought everyone had no feelings and pleasure while having sex, but no....It wasn't. I found that I might be aromantic asexual. I never felt neither good or bad while having sex. But one day, one of my colleagues asked me out, and I told my BF, and he suddenly confessed his love. He knows I'm asexual. I don't love him back, but he was the man I most like from the men I ever met. What should I do??

[Philip027]

Well, what you should probably do is tell him you aren't necessarily going to be into him (romantically or sexually) the same way he is, and see if he's actually okay with that.  If so, then I don't see the problem necessarily if you don't have any problem with sex.

[HonoraryJedi]

I am going to leave your friends opinions out of this, because really, you don't have to account for their racism in choosing a partner-

That said I hope I don't come across like I am simplifying your situation, and I will add my own personal experience, but to start, to me, things feel pretty clear cut.

24 minutes ago, Kayla H. Ahn said:

I don't love him back

I'm sorry, but that sounds like all necessary information. You don't love him, then he shouldn't be your boyfriend.

 

And I can see two interpretation of what you say there. Either, you simply don't think you can do better, or you feel like all the affection is present, but it isn't the right type of affection. It isn't the type he wants and expects. And in either case, I don't think it is good or fair to either of you to pretend that you do love him, if you don't.

 

Personal experience, because I relate to the feeling of 'this is my favourite man' without the feeling of 'in love'. This may or may not be useful to you, but just in case it is. I was briefly in a relationship with a good friend of mine, I felt all the affection for this guy. But being in a romantic relationship, even if not much had actually changed, felt extremely uncomfortable to me. I broke it off soon after. I had found that, even if I wanted to be emotionally close to someone, I did not want to be romantically involved.

 

So, the real questions are, does this confession make you uncomfortable? Does it feel like it comes with an expectation that you cannot fulfill, and that do not suite you? Would you prefer to not have sex, or to be close friends without the romance? I mean, yes previous posters are right, if you are both into this, you've talked about it, he knows you do not love him back and is ok with it, and you're both comfortable, then absolutely do your thing and live your lives. But I am not getting the impression from you that this is the case. Only be in a relationship if you actively want it.