no-longer-in-use Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 So if someone has a sexual fantasy about someone else, but they don't actually want to have sex with the subject of the fantasy, would that count as sexual attraction? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 8 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said: So if someone has a sexual fantasy about someone else, but they don't actually want to have sex with the subject of the fantasy, would that count as sexual attraction? Consensus seems to be - no it doesn't, sexual attraction is actually wanting/planning to have sex. What you describe is autochorissexuality, which is pretty common among aces. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 Apparently it's common for people to have fantasies about stuff they never would actually want in reality, even if that's something I don't experience myself and cannot comprehend. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
no-longer-in-use Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Celyn said: Consensus seems to be - no it doesn't, sexual attraction is actually wanting/planning to have sex. What you describe is autochorissexuality, which is pretty common among aces. Hmm, interesting. Then what do you say to these definitions: On 1/18/2012 at 10:39 AM, Guest member25959 said: Sexual attraction - Seeing someone and not only finding them attractive, but thinking you'd like to have sex with them, like fantasies and such. It's attraction to another person that at it's end wants to be physically intimate, as opposed to being attracted to someone in a way where you think, "I'd like to get to know them" or "I want to be their best friend" or "I want to be close to that person".Sexual desire - The desire to actually follow through with sexual attraction. I don't consider physiological reactions to be part of sexual desire, really, because in my case I know my body responds to sexual stimulus, the difference is that my mind isn't interested. So sexual desire is another mental thing, wanting actively to perform sexual acts with another person and believing that if you do you will feel gratified. 2 They seem to imply that what I described would qualify as sexual attraction. Maybe I'm misinterpreting the definitions, though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 28 minutes ago, Celyn said: Consensus seems to be - no it doesn't, sexual attraction is actually wanting/planning to have sex. What you describe is autochorissexuality, which is pretty common among aces. I agree. I've had at least one occurrence of this, though I've never thought of it as a fantasy, just a thought born of curiosity. I chalked it up to my imagination running through hypotheticals. If a simple thought defined our intentions, I'd imagine we'd all be wearing straitjackets. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 19 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said: They seem to imply that what I described would qualify as sexual attraction. Maybe I'm misinterpreting the definitions, though. It's all about actually wanting to connect on a sexual level with the object one is fantasizing about. If you wouldn't actually do the things in the fantasy then it doesn't count. Using fantasies in a definition of sexual attraction is pretty pointless because fantasies often do not coincide with one's innate sexual orientation (for example some people might fantasize about rape even though they have no interest in raping/being raped, a straight woman may fantasize solely about lesbian sex, a gay woman may fantasize about penises.. Seriously, fantasies are a very unreliable indicator of who one actually wants to have sex with!!). I made a post last night about the definitions of sexual attraction floating around the ace community, they are sadly very often completely inaccurate which causes members to start feeling confused and isolated, wondering whether or not they're ace even if they have no interest in actually having sex. I'll share that comment here as it relates directly to what you are talking about (I know it's long, but it's still definitely worth a read!) Quote The way sexual attraction is commonly defined by asexuals is completely inaccurate, hence why you are left questioning! You have no idea how often I have seen this issue come up as a result of the many wildly inaccurate definitions of sexual attraction flying around the place, which are almost always perpetuated by young asexual people with little to no sexual experience. The way sexual people around here (including myself) define sexual attraction, and the way we explain what drives us sexually, will be far more accurate than any definition an asexual who has never experienced sexual attraction can give you. They may mean well, but they're often spreading inaccurate information that only leads to more pain and confusion for those questioning their sexuality. Sexual attraction manifests in all sorts of ways for all sorts of different people but the one thing that is common between all sexual people is an innate desire to connect sexually with certain people, at least sometimes. Many sexuals actually also can experience a type of sexual attraction with NO desire to have sex with the person they find attractive, and I've noticed many aces experience this same type of attraction (my ace ex included). My ace ex could still find women beautiful, could love the shape of breasts and a curvy body etc, could even become aroused from such things, he just had no desire (EVER) for that arousal or attraction to actually lead to sexual interaction. To him, anything below the waist would detract from intimacy, not enhance it. I've met so many aces who feel this way in my time here It's also worth noting that as you're on AVEN, their official definition of sexual attraction should be something you take note of! The way AVEN defines sexual attraction in their official FAQ is: the desire for sexual contact with someone else. And that really is all that matters when it comes down to it. It may not be the BEST definition of sexual attraction, but it does sum up perfectly the fundamental difference between sexuals and aces. Sexuals desire partnered sexual contact with others (for sexual and/or emotional pleasure) and asexuals don't. So if you take that into account, then the official AVEN definition of asexuality is: an asexual is someone who has no desire for sexual contact with other people. If you ever see an asexual trying to insist that sexual attraction is all about 'being turned on by the appearance of other people and wanting sex with them based on that reaction to their appearance' (or something similar) please rest assured that they have misunderstood the most fundamental factor in being a sexual person. Only SOME sexual people desire sexual intimacy as a result of finding someone hot or whatever. Many desire sexual intimacy as a result of a romantic bond, as an aspect of romantic love, some just love sex and couldn't care less who they have it with, with no consideration to appearance, some sexual people have sex as an intimate activity with friends without caring about the appearance of their friends. Many sexual people actually find it quite shallow when someone places appearance above all other factors when seeking a sexual partner!! The one thing all these experiences have in common though is that their is an underlying desire to connect sexually with others under some circumstances. Sexual attraction is the type of attraction that draws you to engage in sex with someone else for pleasure, regardless of which factors determine how you choose who you have sex with. (from this thread) Hopefully that helps Quote Link to post Share on other sites
no-longer-in-use Posted October 14, 2018 Author Share Posted October 14, 2018 5 minutes ago, FictoCannibal. said: Hopefully that helps Yeah, it did, thanks! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 14, 2018 Share Posted October 14, 2018 8 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said: Yeah, it did, thanks! Awesome! So you can fantasize until the cows come home (whatever that even means, lol) and still be ace as long as you have no desire to actually act on those fantasies with other people. Have some Neapolitan ice cream cake ...looks... so.... nom Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 7 hours ago, Coddiwomple said: So if someone has a sexual fantasy about someone else, but they don't actually want to have sex with the subject of the fantasy, would that count as sexual attraction? Not necessarily. Fantasies and real physical attraction are two different things. A lot of people have sexual fantasies but don't want to act on it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Celyn: The Lutening Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 11 hours ago, Coddiwomple said: Hmm, interesting. Then what do you say to these definitions: They seem to imply that what I described would qualify as sexual attraction. Maybe I'm misinterpreting the definitions, though. I read those again and again, and I'm just not seeing the difference. As @FictoCannibal. and @Deus Ex Infinity said, fantasies say very little about sexual orientation. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted October 15, 2018 Share Posted October 15, 2018 20 hours ago, FictoCannibal. said: Awesome! So you can fantasize until the cows come home (whatever that even means, lol) and still be ace as long as you have no desire to actually act on those fantasies with other people. Have some Neapolitan ice cream cake ...looks... so.... nom Well said. Agreed 100%, thank you. And that cake looks amazing! 😍 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted October 16, 2018 Share Posted October 16, 2018 On 10/14/2018 at 1:08 PM, Coddiwomple said: but they don't actually want to have sex with the subject of the fantasy, On 10/14/2018 at 1:25 PM, Coddiwomple said: not only finding them attractive, but thinking you'd like to have sex with them, found yer problem 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
no-longer-in-use Posted October 16, 2018 Author Share Posted October 16, 2018 19 hours ago, Celyn said: I read those again and again, and I'm just not seeing the difference. As @FictoCannibal. and @Deus Ex Infinity said, fantasies say very little about sexual orientation. Idk, I think I just misinterpreted them or something. I agree with you at this point 7 minutes ago, gisiebob said: found yer problem Good point lol Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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