jm7139

I feel really uncomfortable with my sexuality

Recommended Posts

jm7139

Sorry if this post is a bit long. I’m a 20 year old cis male. I’ve always just considered myself straight, but I’ve always been uncomfortable with my sexuality.

 

I have a libido and I do feel sexual attraction to women, but I feel like it’s different to most straight men. Almost all porn disgusts me. I find genitalia (especially female genitalia) completely repulsive. Even naked boobs I find kind of weird looking. The only erotic content I find attractive is stuff that doesn’t directly involve sex or nudity, like pictures of bikini models and stuff. I still don’t feel comfortable looking at this stuff, but I am attracted to the models and it doesn’t really disgust me. I can also get aroused by intimacy, so sometimes I can watch really tame lesbian stuff (just kissing and making out really).

 

I do fantasise when I masturbate. Sometimes it’s about people I’m attracted to. Sometimes it’s just an imaginary person. I can get aroused by fantasising about both female and male imaginary people, which made me wonder for a bit if I was bi, but I’ve never been attracted to a man in real life.

 

When I was in school I did find many girls sexually attractive and I would fantasise about them. I didn’t have any romantic feelings for them or any desire to actually try and have sex with them.

 

I’ve never had any kind of sexual experience or relationship and I’m completely fine with that. I’d be happy to try a relationship and I think I’d be happy to have sex with a partner I trusted, but I really don’t care that much about these things. I’ve never had any desire to actually try and seek out sex.

 

To be honest, the biggest problem is that I would rather just feel nothing sexual at all. My sexual urges have always disgusted me and sometimes I really wish I could get rid of them. I hate how they make me objectify people. I don’t want to view people that way. I just want to go through my life and enjoy my hobbies and interests without having these physical urges and thoughts that I didn’t ask for and don’t want to have.

 

There’s honestly I lot more I could have included in this post but it’s long enough as it is. Basically I don’t feel like my sexuality is completely “normal”, but I don’t really feel there’s a word that accurately describes what I am. Sometimes I think I really could be grey asexual or something and other times I feel like I’m just straight and overthinking things. Any help/advice would be appreciated.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2

It definitely sounds like you could be greysexual.  It also sounds like you’re just not sure yet/right now, and that’s fine.  As someone else who tends to overthink things, I know advice like “just give yourself space to

see where things go” is really hard to follow... but otherwise that’s what I would suggest.

 

Also, if you’re finding your sexual thoughts repulse you to such a degree that they’re really upsetting you or interfering with enjoying your day-to-day life, talking to a counsellor might help.  Someone familiar with LGBT+ issues and asexuality would probably be most understanding, even if it does turn out you’re cis-het.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
jm7139
19 hours ago, ryn2 said:

It definitely sounds like you could be greysexual.  It also sounds like you’re just not sure yet/right now, and that’s fine.  As someone else who tends to overthink things, I know advice like “just give yourself space to

see where things go” is really hard to follow... but otherwise that’s what I would suggest.

 

Also, if you’re finding your sexual thoughts repulse you to such a degree that they’re really upsetting you or interfering with enjoying your day-to-day life, talking to a counsellor might help.  Someone familiar with LGBT+ issues and asexuality would probably be most understanding, even if it does turn out you’re cis-het.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I have holidays coming up soon which will be a good opportunity to “give myself space”, as I do think having the added stress of assignments and deadlines for uni is probably making this worse.

 

I know in the past when I’ve been able to just focus on the things I enjoy, I could go a pretty long time without thinking about anything sexual at all. I can’t help but think just avoiding it is running away from my problems though, cause I know these feelings will come back eventually.

 

I’m pretty sure my uni does have gender and sexuality counselling, which I might look into after the holidays as this issue has caused me quite a lot of distress for a long time now. Thanks again for taking the time to help.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now