Forest Spirit Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 On 10/20/2018 at 2:41 PM, DesertWells said: @Fluffy Femme Guy @Deus Ex Infinity @Quasar.w I’ve been thinking about the experiences you’ve shared, you are still emotionally connected to the person you loved, do you mind sharing how long ago those experiences we’re? I guess I’m just trying to work out how long I can expect to feel this, and if it’s going to be a long-term thing, I really want to try to take action to change. I don’t know how, but I have to try. In my case, I've met that person about 3 years ago and slowly became friends. There was always this kind of "being truly understood"-feeling between us but that intensified after we moved in together a year ago (we're both studying the same thing so it was generally very convenient) and I guess that that really started the whole demi-attraction experience and me realizing what those feelings actually are (not having felt like that before made it hard to distinguish it). I know that I mean a lot to him, it's just not the same for him than for me. Things like that happen. But I try to be a good friend and just manage my life apart from these feelings (university, health esp. mentally, hobbies ecc.), it doesn't always work but that has mainly other reasons I'd say... some days I feel ok about it, others it makes me feel miserable I don't know if that's in any way helpful, but that's my story. And I don't think you need to change, just try to get to a place where those feelings are a good memory instead of only painful. On good days I'm glad that I've been able to experience this, I never knew before if I could, considering my trust issues, touch aversion and general 'not being good at being social/having any kind of interpersonal relationship'. ^sending lots of hugs because I don't know what else to say^ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DesertWells Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 @Fluffy Femme Guy I’m glad you feel that way too. It is nice to talk to people who really understand. 1 hour ago, Quasar.w said: ...realizing what those feelings actually are (not having felt like that before made it hard to distinguish it). ... I don't know if that's in any way helpful, but that's my story. And I don't think you need to change, just try to get to a place where those feelings are a good memory instead of only painful. ... ^sending lots of hugs because I don't know what else to say^ That is very familiar, I really had no idea I loved her, I kept thinking like “I really admire her, the sight of her face lights me up, because it’s the face of someone I’m proud to know” - it took me ages to realise, nope, that’s love. I am very grateful to know I can feel that, I never thought I could, and it’s such a profound feeling. I’m trying to remember the whole thing fondly as you suggest, and I hope I can one day, but it’s still really sore right now. It was helpful thank you, and thanks for the hugs - same to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 54 minutes ago, DesertWells said: I am very grateful to know I can feel that, I never thought I could, and it’s such a profound feeling. I’m trying to remember the whole thing fondly as you suggest, and I hope I can one day, but it’s still really sore right now. It was helpful thank you, and thanks for the hugs - same to you. Totally understand that. I haven't had this happen before, but lost a couple of good friendships in my life in a (for me) quiet hurtful way (I don't know about the other person), got bullied and things like that, and over time the pain itself passed away. Being hurt like that is not the same as loosing the person you love due to certain circumstances which are not 'somebody being intentionally mean and hurtful' (not the best explanation sorry) but yes... guess all I wanted to say is that time can make things better! Hope it will for you! What helped me with lots of things so far is expressing my thoughts and feelings in one way or another, a diary, writing poems, drawing, ecc. (also since your profile says you like writing). In the past I've kept everything on the inside (being very introverted) which made me a shut-in for 4/5 years, I still do it sometimes even though I know it's bad (you write in your profile that your quiet, so maybe an introvert too?) ^hugs appreciated^ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DesertWells Posted October 21, 2018 Share Posted October 21, 2018 @Quasar.w I understood your explanation don’t worry, thank you, I do hope time will help. Yes, I am very introverted also, and I do love to write, so I try to process things that way, and of course in real life I keep everything bottled up as well, so it’s good to get my feelings out. I guess that is another thing I’ve found difficult, she and I held nothing back, I was honest and vulnerable with her in a way I’ve never been with anyone else, and I’ve lost that now, so meeting new people who I can be vulnerable with helps too. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 On 10/21/2018 at 12:35 PM, DesertWells said: Yes, I am very introverted also, and I do love to write, so I try to process things that way, and of course in real life I keep everything bottled up as well, so it’s good to get my feelings out. Do you make visual art (draw, etc.) or play music? Those are excellent outlets. I do both of these. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DesertWells Posted October 23, 2018 Share Posted October 23, 2018 22 minutes ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: Do you make visual art (draw, etc.) or play music? Those are excellent outlets. I do both of these. I listen to music, but don’t play any. I draw portraits almost exclusively, but I spent the last 6 months drawing portraits of her, which makes it a little hard to draw right now. It’s tough, it feels like every facet of my life is saturated with her, I wrote so many letters to her, she’s even invaded my writing. I appreciate the suggestions, I will try to occupy my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 What other kinds of things do you like to draw? Maybe try stuff that isn't even people. I find drawing plant-like stuff very soothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DesertWells Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 4 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: What other kinds of things do you like to draw? Maybe try stuff that isn't even people. I find drawing plant-like stuff very soothing. Honestly, as an adult I have drawn little else other than portraits, I drew a tree once, but I will take your advice and try drawing other things, I have a drawing text-book, so I can follow the examples in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 10 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: What other kinds of things do you like to draw? Maybe try stuff that isn't even people. I find drawing plant-like stuff very soothing. Yes, I think @Fluffy Femme Guy has a point here. I mostly like to draw animals or nature landscapes and it really helps me to get some needed distraction when feeling down. You should give it a try eventually! Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I also like to draw mandala-type designs. It's where my love of geometry and florals collide. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest DesertWells Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 5 hours ago, Fluffy Femme Guy said: I also like to draw mandala-type designs. It's where my love of geometry and florals collide. I’ve just looked those up, they’re nice. I used to enjoy drawing geometric shapes and vectors. Do you use any specific tools to do them with? Link to post Share on other sites
Fluffy Femme Guy Posted October 25, 2018 Share Posted October 25, 2018 I freehand it all. They aren't as geometrically 'perfect' that way, but they're more interesting that way. Link to post Share on other sites
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