Omarr

National Coming Out Day

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Omarr

Hey everyone! I just wanted to discuss something I saw today which I hadn't really paid as close of attention to until now honestly! Today, I was just exploring my twitter feed and was seeing countless people tweet their versions of congratulating everyone on coming out, and also celebrating that it is national coming out day. One post that stood out to me a lot was Tumblr's post about national coming out day. Tumblr had posted a gif with the flags just rotating around each other but what had been the debate about the post overall was that they had left out the Lesbian flag. So, in turn, people started pointing out that pansexuality, polysexuality, and asexuality don't belong there. How we don't deserve to be in the LGBT+ community, etc. Honestly, that just made me open my eyes up to how invalidating that was, especially to say stuff like asexuals don't even need to come out and how asexuality isn't a sexuality and other stupid ignorant stuff like that. I guess the thing that really gets under my skin is that I view the LGBT+ community not only as a place for people that have had their sexualities oppressed to find a safe haven and be able to spread awareness about themselves, but also a place for all people of different sexualities to be able to not only be there for another, but be represented together and accepted. So all the things I saw today kind of struck me the wrong way I guess. 

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calliealaina

I saw a few posts invalidating asexuality today too, and it was pretty disheartening.  We all talk about acceptance, but I keep finding that people don’t understand asexuality because they can’t see it, so instead they tell the people that identify that way that they aren’t valid and don’t belong in the lgbt+ community.  I know people are entitled to their own opinions, but it’s still hard not to get upset about it when you want to feel accepted like all other orientations.  I saw someone say that if we don’t belong with the non-lgbt community or the lgbt community, then where do we belong?  I don’t know the answer to that, but I like to believe that even though there are those that will invalidate asexuality, there are more people that will accept us and that our orientation and the representation of it matters.  And maybe with time we can help educate others so they have a better understanding and can be more accepting, not just to aces but to all orientations.

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Rey129

I think that for some, they don't understand that asexuality is a possible orientation.  With how heteronormative and especially how sexualnormative our cultures are, many can't grasp what it might be like to not feel sexual attraction at all.  I think, I'd have to equate it as having to describe to someone what it's like to live without sight for their entire life.  We of the seeing community just can't understand it, and I think that's partially what's going on with some of these people.  I mean, I had no idea it was possible to just not be interested in sex period until I was in college/university, and I met someone who is in her 60s who had no idea what ace was until I described what it was like for me, and she responded with "huh, that sounds like what I'm like". 

 

Don't get me wrong, it actually is annoying when I come across those that try and deny being ace as possible, and reading about people thinking that they were broken just because they didn't fit the mold is heartbreaking.  However, I think one major thing would be to help educate people.  One way to do that is to have openly ace characters (that aren't just queer bait).  Another is to hold events meant to show Ace Pride.  There are more ideas that other people could probably come up with that are better than mine.

 

Now, for my opinion on if Ace should be included under the LGBTQA+ community.  I'll be honest, I at first thought the A stood for Ace/Aro/Agender, so I'm going to have that personal disposition that yes, it does.  I also see LGBTQA+ as the more widely accepted and understood name for the GSRM (gender, sexual, and romantic minority) community, in which case, again, Ace would fall under.  However, there'll always be... unsavory individuals that don't want to invite us into their special club.  I myself have had the fortune of not interacting with them personally, or even online, but I'm aware they exist.

 

If you want to try and prevent this frustration 1) good luck, no matter what you do, again a small majority of people are the... unpleasant kind that either are trolls or genuinely believe something is wrong with us and will try to "fix" us and 2) use your talents to spread the word.  For example, I happen to be common fan trash who loves to read and write fanfics, and it's common to take someone of an unspecified (generally assumed hetero) sexuality and make them LGBT.  That's how I myself and possibly a few others found out about different sexualities such as ace.  Now, I like to have one character in each story I write be somewhere on the ace spectrum, just so I could help spread the word to others.

 

TLDR: It's frustrating that aces aren't accepted, but one factor is that we aren't as widely known, so just help spread the word, and don't let the vocal minority with the megaphones get to you.

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Omarr
3 hours ago, Rey129 said:

I think that for some, they don't understand that asexuality is a possible orientation.  With how heteronormative and especially how sexualnormative our cultures are, many can't grasp what it might be like to not feel sexual attraction at all.  I think, I'd have to equate it as having to describe to someone what it's like to live without sight for their entire life.  We of the seeing community just can't understand it, and I think that's partially what's going on with some of these people.  I mean, I had no idea it was possible to just not be interested in sex period until I was in college/university, and I met someone who is in her 60s who had no idea what ace was until I described what it was like for me, and she responded with "huh, that sounds like what I'm like". 

 

Don't get me wrong, it actually is annoying when I come across those that try and deny being ace as possible, and reading about people thinking that they were broken just because they didn't fit the mold is heartbreaking.  However, I think one major thing would be to help educate people.  One way to do that is to have openly ace characters (that aren't just queer bait).  Another is to hold events meant to show Ace Pride.  There are more ideas that other people could probably come up with that are better than mine.

 

Now, for my opinion on if Ace should be included under the LGBTQA+ community.  I'll be honest, I at first thought the A stood for Ace/Aro/Agender, so I'm going to have that personal disposition that yes, it does.  I also see LGBTQA+ as the more widely accepted and understood name for the GSRM (gender, sexual, and romantic minority) community, in which case, again, Ace would fall under.  However, there'll always be... unsavory individuals that don't want to invite us into their special club.  I myself have had the fortune of not interacting with them personally, or even online, but I'm aware they exist.

 

If you want to try and prevent this frustration 1) good luck, no matter what you do, again a small majority of people are the... unpleasant kind that either are trolls or genuinely believe something is wrong with us and will try to "fix" us and 2) use your talents to spread the word.  For example, I happen to be common fan trash who loves to read and write fanfics, and it's common to take someone of an unspecified (generally assumed hetero) sexuality and make them LGBT.  That's how I myself and possibly a few others found out about different sexualities such as ace.  Now, I like to have one character in each story I write be somewhere on the ace spectrum, just so I could help spread the word to others.

 

TLDR: It's frustrating that aces aren't accepted, but one factor is that we aren't as widely known, so just help spread the word, and don't let the vocal minority with the megaphones get to you.

This is so well said!!!! You are so right. It is impossible to fully end the ignorance people have on us but one way to lessen it is to spread awareness. ❤️ That's why I always try to be so unapologetically ace and not stop myself from speaking out my sexuality if people ask me or if people are interested in learning more about what it means to be asexual. 

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Duke Memphis

I don't know if we are or aren't part of the alphabet soup, but we definitely do come out.

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Lusnaofer

...pansexuality doesn't fit their scope? :huh:

 

Anyway, we're not going to gain acceptance or inclusion by arguing with this type of person. We're going to get there the more asexuality is included by organizations, to the point it becomes implicit under that + or * if there isn't an actual A in the version of the acronym. (The A originally and sometimes still does only stand for ally, but that's gradually changing.) 

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Vampyre Dani

I came out on Facebook yesterday. That was nerve-wracking. I haven't been on Facebook for very long, so I don't have a lot of FB friends yet. Most of the ones I have are people I personally know, so coming out there is like coming out to a bunch of friends and some family. Whee...

 

It was stressful, but I'm glad that I did it. So far, the reception has all been positive, and no one has dumped me as their Facebook friend yet, so that's good. One even politely asked about asexuality and being non-binary. I was more than happy to educate. I even mentioned AVEN, in case she was interested in learning more. ^_^

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CBC

Wait, what's this about pansexuality? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Honestly I do understand why cishet asexuals often aren't considered LGBTQ+ -- but, with that said, it's still a valid orientation and if any asexuals want to use the day to come out, I don't see a problem with it.

 

Also, since you mentioned people seemed to be taking issue with it, just thought I'd add that, as a gay woman, I don't give two shits about the lesbian flag. I didn't even know there was one until a few years ago. I have a fondness for the rainbow flag... I have one on my front porch, actually... but I don't care for the lesbian one and find it wholly unnecessary. It's so goddamn pink. Like what's the theory here, Barbies and lipstick and vaginas?

 

At any rate, I make the same joke every year -- that I'm coming out as gayer than I was the previous year. Which is sorta not untrue for the past several years, hahaha.

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Anthraxite_Vampreza

Everyone's a bigot to someone, it seems to be human nature; some are just better at reining in their bigotry. It is really ironic when it's a member of the same group though.

 

And yes I include myself in that statement, I am no angel.

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Deus Ex Infinity
8 hours ago, Omarr said:

Hey everyone! I just wanted to discuss something I saw today which I hadn't really paid as close of attention to until now honestly! Today, I was just exploring my twitter feed and was seeing countless people tweet their versions of congratulating everyone on coming out, and also celebrating that it is national coming out day. One post that stood out to me a lot was Tumblr's post about national coming out day. Tumblr had posted a gif with the flags just rotating around each other but what had been the debate about the post overall was that they had left out the Lesbian flag. So, in turn, people started pointing out that pansexuality, polysexuality, and asexuality don't belong there. How we don't deserve to be in the LGBT+ community, etc. Honestly, that just made me open my eyes up to how invalidating that was, especially to say stuff like asexuals don't even need to come out and how asexuality isn't a sexuality and other stupid ignorant stuff like that. I guess the thing that really gets under my skin is that I view the LGBT+ community not only as a place for people that have had their sexualities oppressed to find a safe haven and be able to spread awareness about themselves, but also a place for all people of different sexualities to be able to not only be there for another, but be represented together and accepted. So all the things I saw today kind of struck me the wrong way I guess. 

I'm totally with you. It really sucks. No doubt about it. Luckily there are also those, who accept asexuals as valid members of the GLBT+ community but it's a fact that there's still a large discussion going on atm. However, I do believe that we deserve a place there too.

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