Jump to content
mreid

[non-aces only] Do you feel like your body is part of your identity? (poll)

Do you see your body as part of your identity?   

28 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you feel that your physical body doesn't match how you see yourself psychologically and/or are you non-cis?

    • Yes
      12
    • No
      16
  2. 2. You experience your dreams mostly...

    • In the 3rd person (but my body is the same as my waking one)
      3
    • In the 3rd person (but my body is different from my waking one/ partially different)
      2
    • In the 1st person (but my body is different/ partially different)
      2
    • In the 1st person (but I can't see my body/ don't know if it's different of not)
      12
    • In the 1st person (but my body is the same as my waking one)
      9
  3. 3. Your sexual fantasies are...

    • In the 1st person
      15
    • In the 3rd person and I participate in them
      5
    • In the 3rd person but I don't participate in them
      4
    • I don't have sexual fantasies / N/a
      4
  4. 4. Do you have low self-esteem / body image issues?

    • Yes
      6
    • Moderately so
      14
    • No/ very few
      8
  5. 5. Are you prone to dissociation and/ or depersonalization?

    • Yes to both
      7
    • Yes to dissociation
      3
    • Yes to depersonalization
      4
    • No to both
      14
  6. 6. Do you feel like you inhabit your body rather than see it as part of you? (from @Moon Spirit's thread, see OP)

    • Yes
      8
    • No
      20
  7. 7. Which of the following are accurate?

    • I self-harm
      8
    • My looks changed a lot over the years
      9
    • I was an ugly duckling
      7
    • Have trouble picturing myself/ parts of myself in my mind/ aphantasia-like symptoms
      3
    • None
      10
  8. 8. Do you have depression?

    • Yes
      18
    • No
      10
  9. 9. Do you feel like a part of who you are is being rejected if a partner doesn't feel attracted to your body?

    • Yes
      21
    • No
      7


Recommended Posts

ryn2
37 minutes ago, Serran said:

True. 

 

Though, I bet both would turn into a debate if asked here. 

Clearly.  :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2
48 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

On the other hand if they open a debate on whether there's a god in which they're clearly willing to give the heathens both barrels, they can't complain when they get both barrels right back at them.

Well, they can complain, but it will garner little sympathy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
51 minutes ago, Serran said:

Though, I bet both would turn into a debate if asked here. 

Wrong. If you think everyone is looking for a debate here you clearly haven't been paying attention. How are you even defining debate because this comment makes no sense. I'm starting to get really sick of having to defend my views against you, can't you just agree with me that no one around here is looking for a debate? You literally have no debating skills. Gosh.

 

Related image

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mreid

I think my point is very simple. There is more to people than sexuality. Sexual attraction concerns only sexuality. There is more to people than the aesthetic. Aesthetic attraction concerns only the aesthetic. When I say "body" I am referring to the sexual, aesthetic and also physiological (although this last one is not so relevant to the discussion) parts of a person. Whatever is left is what I describe as the mind. This includes, for example, personality and intellect.

 

It doesnt matter if the mind is an emergent property of the body or whether the soul exists. Those are details. My question is understandable and clear and what some people are attempting here is to overcomplicate something relatively simple.

 

Why? Some because their kinks and perversions are a defense mechanism and a drug they use to avoid their problems. Asexuality itself bothers them because they are the kind of people who like to believe that everyone has a kinky side, that a degree of sexual perversion is normal, and normalizing that kind of behavior is usually a way of not having to recognize that there might be someone in their lives who might be a degenerate, and that way they dont have to stand up to them. You dont have to stand up to something if you dont recognize it as a problem (very common defense mechanism, and typical neurotic behavior). They need exhibitionism and bullying to intimidate whoever disagrees, much like religious fanatics need their crusades.

 

Asexuals can be either repressed sexuals or really asexual. Either way its all the same in this case, they are people who live or at least try to live in a way that doesnt revolve around sexuality, and that irks people whose life philosophy is based on the premise that sex is an essential life need and that everyone is secretly a little perverted. It makes them question certain people in their lives they dont want to question.

 

Like all bullies, its weakness and cowardice. 

 

And there is also the other factor that several of these people are older and probably feel like they might have wasted their lives, so they envy young people and their youth. Most people here are young. Im pretty sure that contributes to their resentment, specially against those who are not making the same mistakes they did by staying away from sexuality.

 

This is all I have to say about this thread. You may carry on your pointless overcomplicating of something more than 50 asexuals and a few honest sexuals had no trouble answering. Someone mentioned that these questions are easier for asexuals because for us there is no complicated intertwining of body and mind. To that I reply that maybe the difference is just hypocrisy.

 

 

And I'm out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2
1 hour ago, mreid said:

There is more to people than sexuality.

If this is your question - is there more to people than sexuality? - I think many of the posters here (myself included) would say “yes, there is.”

 

It gets complicated when you claim “body” and “sexuality” are synonyms.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

If you're saying sexuality isn't of the mind, you're wrong.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2
1 hour ago, mreid said:

[...]what some people are attempting here is to overcomplicate something relatively simple.

 

Why?

I can answer this one with regards to myself.  Others’ reasons likely differ.

 

I invariably overthink tests, and then I read ahead/extrapolate to what my responses mean.  For example, the MBTI test often includes questions along the lines of “which would you rather do, go to a party or stay home and watch TV?”  For me that doesn’t have a universal answer; I need to ask for more detail (not possible with a canned test) or apply caveats (also not possible).  If I have to answer the question as it stands I then look ahead to its meaning (“if I choose ‘party,’ that implies I’m extraverted, whereas ‘home’ implies intraverted... I know I’m intraverted so I’d better choose ‘home’ even though it’s not necessarily true”).  I’ve been like this since childhood.

 

tl;dr - this is just me and tests.  It has nothing to do with who authors them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68

It's simple to asexuals. It's not simple to most sexuals. I answered the survey question, and then mentioned the complications in my post.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2
3 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's simple to asexuals. It's not simple to most sexuals. I answered the survey question, and then mentioned the complications in my post.

Ironically, the questions I needed other answers to weren’t even the sex-related ones.

 

I looked at the ace version and some of the wording was different.  I would have gotten stuck on different questions there.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
InquisitivePhilosopher
5 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

It's simple to asexuals. It's not simple to most sexuals. I answered the survey question, and then mentioned the complications in my post.

:unsure: I hope you're aware that @mreid doesn't speak for all asexuals. I've read other sexuals' responses and understood it's more complicated for them. It's probably just that some of us gave up arguing with @mreid or trying to explain what sexuals were saying, as it didn't seem to help change anything.

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
anisotrophic
21 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

If you're saying sexuality isn't of the mind, you're wrong.

Poor sapiosexuals, forgotten in their libidinous intellectualism.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
7 minutes ago, anisotropic said:

Poor sapiosexuals, forgotten in their libidinous intellectualism.

Not even sapes. Sex is in the mind for everyone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CBC

I recently came across someone on Facebook who had 'sapiosexual' listed as the first thing in their little bio blurb under their profile photo. Almost sustained injuries to my eyeballs.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Telecaster68
2 minutes ago, CBC said:

I recently came across someone on Facebook who had 'sapiosexual' listed as the first thing in their little bio blurb under their profile photo. Almost sustained injuries to my eyeballs.

Better boundaries would mean you'd sustain injuries to their eyeballs.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
uhtred
3 hours ago, mreid said:

I think my point is very simple. There is more to people than sexuality. Sexual attraction concerns only sexuality. There is more to people than the aesthetic. Aesthetic attraction concerns only the aesthetic. When I say "body" I am referring to the sexual, aesthetic and also physiological (although this last one is not so relevant to the discussion) parts of a person. Whatever is left is what I describe as the mind. This includes, for example, personality and intellect.

 

It doesnt matter if the mind is an emergent property of the body or whether the soul exists. Those are details. My question is understandable and clear and what some people are attempting here is to overcomplicate something relatively simple.

 

Why? Some because their kinks and perversions are a defense mechanism and a drug they use to avoid their problems. Asexuality itself bothers them because they are the kind of people who like to believe that everyone has a kinky side, that a degree of sexual perversion is normal, and normalizing that kind of behavior is usually a way of not having to recognize that there might be someone in their lives who might be a degenerate, and that way they dont have to stand up to them. You dont have to stand up to something if you dont recognize it as a problem (very common defense mechanism, and typical neurotic behavior). They need exhibitionism and bullying to intimidate whoever disagrees, much like religious fanatics need their crusades.

 

Asexuals can be either repressed sexuals or really asexual. Either way its all the same in this case, they are people who live or at least try to live in a way that doesnt revolve around sexuality, and that irks people whose life philosophy is based on the premise that sex is an essential life need and that everyone is secretly a little perverted. It makes them question certain people in their lives they dont want to question.

 

Like all bullies, its weakness and cowardice. 

 

And there is also the other factor that several of these people are older and probably feel like they might have wasted their lives, so they envy young people and their youth. Most people here are young. Im pretty sure that contributes to their resentment, specially against those who are not making the same mistakes they did by staying away from sexuality.

 

This is all I have to say about this thread. You may carry on your pointless overcomplicating of something more than 50 asexuals and a few honest sexuals had no trouble answering. Someone mentioned that these questions are easier for asexuals because for us there is no complicated intertwining of body and mind. To that I reply that maybe the difference is just hypocrisy.

 

 

And I'm out.

This seems a repeating theme.   An intelligent system needs goals, or else what is it going to do? Most humans have very complex sets of goals that involve trying to balance a great variety of things in  their lives.  Some goals are great and possible "noble" , like trying to reduce world hunger.  Other goals are trivial like "eat more chocolate ice cream because its yummy.   Many people are driven by a desire for acceptance by society or peers or friends.  

 

Many people (but not all) are driven by a desire for "love"  - a deep emotional (eg irrational) connection to another person.  Some are motivated by a desire for sex - an activity that is pleasurable to most humans - no  more or less rational than the pleasure from eating dark chocolate chip chocolate ice cream. 

 

Some people are not motivated by physical pleasure, social acceptance or love.  They live in  isolation, like hermits of old.  If that is what they want there is nothing wrong with that. 

 

Other people desire all of those things, and  go to parties, have sex with lots of people etc.  Also  nothing wrong with that if that is what they want. 

 

As far as kinky sex, I see it as no more surprising that enjoying extreme sports. Is wanting someone to tie you up and spank you more irrational that strapping boards to your feet and then sliding down the steepest snow-covered mountain that you can find? Or than walking for days in a blazing hot desert, carrying your own water and food? Or climbing a high mountain, suffering from cold, hypoxia and a significant chance of death? 

 

Maybe all those things are "drugs".  That's OK - wanting things like seems to be a natural trait in some humans.  (but of course not all).  Perhaps evolution has ended up with a range of human behaviors so that some humans will do well under a widely varying set of external conditions. 

 

I happen to enjoy sex. Its healthy and not environmentally damaging, and uses up few natural resources.  Why should I not enjoy it?  I also like chocolate ice cream - which is worse both for my health and the environment, but I don't plan to give it up either. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mreid

@uhtred I understand that different people have different needs and preferences. I have no problem with people who enjoy sex or people who are into weird kinks, as long as they are not constantly in other people's faces about it, nor imply that other people are inferior for not sharing their preferences or who bully people who disagree with them.

 

I have no problem with smokers unless they are smoking right in my face. Just because you are okay with getting cancer that doesn't mean I am. While I might disagree with smoking and even try to explain the psychological reasons someone might smoke, as long as they don't smoke in my face then that's their problem and I don't care.

 

Sexual preferences can be explained through psychoanalysis, quite effectively so I must say. This makes certain people uncomfortable, usually people who like to act like their preferences make them superior and special for whatever reason and don't want to see that they are often just ways of coping with their circumstances. It doesn't even have to be necessarily any kind of trauma, it can be just a quirk of early imprinting or biology. There's the people who recognize this and keep to themselves and are honest to themselves about it, I have no problems with those. It's the other type who don't want to admit this to themselves who have the habit of pushing their preferences onto others (and not uncommonly by taking advantage of their sexual confusion) because the more people share their preferences, the more validated they feel. I think this is very dangerous.

 

If you enjoy sex then more power to you. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. What is wrong is when someone pesters others for not sharing their interest in sex. Not pointing fingers at you, as I personally haven't experienced that from you.

 

People are free to do whatever they want in their intimacy, I don't judge anyone as long as they stay out of my way. I don't go around pushing my asexuality on others either. Sure I have my opinions on kinks and orientations like I am allowed to have, but I stay out of other people's way as long as they stay out of mine.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
26 minutes ago, mreid said:

f you enjoy sex then more power to you. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. What is wrong is when someone pesters others for not sharing their interest in sex. Not pointing fingers at you, as I personally haven't experienced that from you.

You're the one pestering everyone else, consistently, when you try to twist their personal experiences and feelings about sex to suit your own narrative. Literally no one here cares that you don't enjoy sex, and everyone here understands that you don't, and we all accept that you don't desire it personally, but this is nothing to do with that. People try to explain to you why they do enjoy and desire it (after you've asked them to explain why they do) and you start a 7 page argument with them about why they're wrong. It's just bizarre.

 

When someone is explaining to you that they enjoy sex, and explaining why they desire it (after you asked them to explain) that doesn't mean they're saying you have to enjoy it the way they do, or that everyone has to, they're only describing their own personal experiences with sex. If you have seriously interpreted this as sexuals 'pestering' people for not sharing their enjoyment of sex then a lot of these endless arguments suddenly make a lot more sense. Y_Y

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa
6 hours ago, mreid said:

And there is also the other factor that several of these people are older and probably feel like they might have wasted their lives, so they envy young people and their youth. Most people here are young. Im pretty sure that contributes to their resentment, specially against those who are not making the same mistakes they did by staying away from sexuality.

Leaving aside all the other contextual stuff, I can only speak for myself, but I don't envy young people. I wouldn't want to go through all that again (I'm almost 60)....all those raging hormones with their attending mood swings!😆 I must admit I did waste too much time trying to look like a sexual, just to fit in when I was young (even though it resulted in my fantastic daughter). I could have channelled more energy into a wider range of things.

However, those times are all gone and living life as sexual or asexual - it's all good.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
7 hours ago, mreid said:

There is more to people than sexuality. 

Every person here agrees with that. Every sexual person alive would agree with that.

 

7 hours ago, mreid said:

My question is understandable and clear and what some people are attempting here is to overcomplicate something relatively simple.

So..what's the question? Because none of the responses people have given you seem 'adequate'. What's the actual question, word-for-word, right now. Ask it in one sentence.

 

7 hours ago, mreid said:

Some because their kinks and perversions are a defense mechanism and a drug they use to avoid their problems. 

You clearly have no understanding of kink then, which doesn't surprise me.

 

7 hours ago, mreid said:

Asexuality itself bothers them

Asexuality as an orientation doesn't bother anyone here. Some of the people responding to you even thought they were asexual for years and are still far less sexual than your average sexual person. We all understand that some people genuinely don't desire sexual intimacy. Not one person here is denying that or trying to argue that there is anything wrong with asexuality as an orientation.

 

7 hours ago, mreid said:

Someone mentioned that these questions are easier for asexuals because for us there is no complicated intertwining of body and mind.

Some of your questions were worded really strangely, and you worded them differently in the other thread (not sure if you noticed that). Also, as far as I can see, everyone's answers here were pretty simple and straightforward until you dove in and started arguing with them about their own personal experience/feelings. You were the one unable to understand and comprehend the basic answers we gave you.

 

7 hours ago, mreid said:

Like all bullies, its weakness and cowardice

It might be time for you to own up to the fact that that you're the one bullying people. You clearly hate sexual people and want to attack them and argue with them about their own experience at every corner. You are constantly making wildly  inaccurate and offensive statements about sexuals - like above where you state they obviously envy young people, when it's been both sexuals and asexuals of all ages who disagree with practically everything you say about sexual people. 

 

That's why everyone is so hostile towards you. You're going around bullying people and getting very upset when they respond negatively. The fact that this infantile behaviour has been allowed to continue for so long, when this site used to have such a strong stance against asexual elitism, is quite frankly baffling to me.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous

It annoys me that these threads are always split up, it makes it hard to follow the conversations going between them.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
3 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

It annoys me that these threads are always split up, it makes it hard to follow the conversations going between them.

Not only that, but completely different questions (and different answering options) have been given for each other two threads. It's ridiculous.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
uhtred
1 hour ago, mreid said:

@uhtred I understand that different people have different needs and preferences. I have no problem with people who enjoy sex or people who are into weird kinks, as long as they are not constantly in other people's faces about it, nor imply that other people are inferior for not sharing their preferences or who bully people who disagree with them.

 

I have no problem with smokers unless they are smoking right in my face. Just because you are okay with getting cancer that doesn't mean I am. While I might disagree with smoking and even try to explain the psychological reasons someone might smoke, as long as they don't smoke in my face then that's their problem and I don't care.

 

Sexual preferences can be explained through psychoanalysis, quite effectively so I must say. This makes certain people uncomfortable, usually people who like to act like their preferences make them superior and special for whatever reason and don't want to see that they are often just ways of coping with their circumstances. It doesn't even have to be necessarily any kind of trauma, it can be just a quirk of early imprinting or biology. There's the people who recognize this and keep to themselves and are honest to themselves about it, I have no problems with those. It's the other type who don't want to admit this to themselves who have the habit of pushing their preferences onto others (and not uncommonly by taking advantage of their sexual confusion) because the more people share their preferences, the more validated they feel. I think this is very dangerous.

 

If you enjoy sex then more power to you. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. What is wrong is when someone pesters others for not sharing their interest in sex. Not pointing fingers at you, as I personally haven't experienced that from you.

 

People are free to do whatever they want in their intimacy, I don't judge anyone as long as they stay out of my way. I don't go around pushing my asexuality on others either. Sure I have my opinions on kinks and orientations like I am allowed to have, but I stay out of other people's way as long as they stay out of mine.

Has anyone here pestered you about not enjoying sex?  You seem to want people who enjoy sex to agree to your explanations of *why* they enjoy sex, which seem to me the same as a sexual insisting that you agree to their explanation of why you don't enjoy sex. 

 

I have no issues with you not enjoying sex, nor do you need to explain it to me.  You are welcome to discuss it if you want,  but unless you ask, I'm  not going to try to tell you *why you don't enjoy sex. 

 

If you are OK with my enjoying sex. then we are good.   If you want to ask why I enjoy sex, that is OK.  If you want to theorize on why I enjoy sex, I'm OK with that too. You just shouldn't expect me to *agree* with your theory if that theory doesn't match my feelings. 

 

You tend to apply negative connotations to other people's sexual interests - indicating that an interest in kinky sex is a "perversion" (which has negative connotations) and discussing those with such an an interest as attempting to "normalize" it - again implying that it is a "bad" thing in some way.  That naturally results in people who enjoy these things disagreeing with  you. 

 

If someone insists that your lack of interest in sex is somehow "wrong", then I think you have good reason to complain. 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mreid
3 hours ago, uhtred said:

Has anyone here pestered you about not enjoying sex?

Not exactly, more for being asexual (having no interest in it).

 

3 hours ago, uhtred said:

You just shouldn't expect me to *agree* with your theory if that theory doesn't match my feelings. 

I don't.

 

3 hours ago, uhtred said:

You tend to apply negative connotations to other people's sexual interests - indicating that an interest in kinky sex is a "perversion" (which has negative connotations)

Perversion is the clinical term. I think, at least that's the connotation I give it as I don't attach any moral meaning to any of it. Technically, asexuality is also considered a perversion.

 

3 hours ago, uhtred said:

 and discussing those with such an an interest as attempting to "normalize" it

Not what I said. The people I was referring to are those who pressure others into reckless experimenting and into indulging them in their preferences. I understand "normalize" as pushing those preferences on others. I know it also has the connotation of making something that is taboo into a non-taboo subject, but the way that tends to happen with sexual stuff is the way I mentioned before, unfortunately. Evidence of that is that you don't see much in the media and sex ed in the way actually understanding a lot of the sexual stuff that is pushed onto people as being "fun" and "healthy" these days, you are only told that it's fine, here have some contraceptives now go have fun. If these things are so fine then actually understanding them shouldn't be a problem and should be embraced, but that is far from what happens.

 

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, mreid said:

Not exactly, more for being asexual (having no interest in it).

 

Who here has pestered you for being asexual? I've been active in almost every single thread you have started here and have not seen one person pester you for your asexuality (quite the opposite. You seem to be pestering everyone else for being sexual, or at least pestering them for not agreeing with your theories as to why they enjoy sex etc).

 

1 hour ago, mreid said:

Perversion is the clinical term. I think,

Not really anymore. These days the negative implications are too strong, like calling someone with a learning disorder the R word (which used to be the clinical term)

 

1 hour ago, mreid said:

The people I was referring to are those who pressure others into reckless experimenting and into indulging them in their preferences.

Yet no one here has been doing that or even recommending it. It's not okay to pressure anyone into anything reckless, whether sexual experimentation or otherwise. Maybe you've seen that in some aspects of media you've been exposed to or something but as far as I can see, no one here was discussing that with you so I'm not sure why you're bringing it up. It's a different issue entirely from the things people have been discussing with you here on AVEN.

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ryn2
37 minutes ago, mreid said:

The people I was referring to are those who pressure others into reckless experimenting and into indulging them in their preferences.

I’m sorry if you’ve experienced this but I don’t recall seeing the people posting in the threads you’ve started behaving this way towards you or one another.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
uhtred

Media, movies, TV do show people engaging in sometimes fairly extreme or non-traditional sexuality, but I don't see that as "pressuring" any more than the sports channel showing motorcycle racing is pressuring people into dangerous motor sports. 

 

The media is full of content showing activities that many people want to avoid.  (sport fishing in my case.....).   I think that is OK as long as there is no implication that it is "wrong" to avoid those activities.   

 

@mreiddoes have a point that sometimes in movies, a spouse who does not want sex is shown in a very negative light. Possibly an interesting thread topic.  The distinction between how the media portrays asexuality, vs how it portrays mismatched marriages. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
44 minutes ago, uhtred said:

Media, movies, TV do show people engaging in sometimes fairly extreme or non-traditional sexuality, but I don't see that as "pressuring" any more than the sports channel showing motorcycle racing is pressuring people into dangerous motor sports. 

 

The media is full of content showing activities that many people want to avoid.  (sport fishing in my case.....).   I think that is OK as long as there is no implication that it is "wrong" to avoid those activities.   

 

@mreiddoes have a point that sometimes in movies, a spouse who does not want sex is shown in a very negative light. Possibly an interesting thread topic.  The distinction between how the media portrays asexuality, vs how it portrays mismatched marriages. 

The thing is, this is not something that's been being discussed in any of the threads she's started, yet she's acting like we've all been not only talking about it, but supporting it and actively encouraging it. We're not necessarily saying we disagree with her about how sex is sometimes portrayed in the media, but that we ourselves don't hold those views and if she'd ever actually talked with us about it (which she hasn't) she'd know we don't support pressuring any kind of sexual stereotype or behavior onto another human.

 

You can't have an argument with someone and bring up completely unrelated and fabricated conversations to support your points, which is what mreid has done here with these comments about sex as portrayed in the media. None of us ever discussed that with her so regardless of whether or not she has a point regarding the media, that's still completely irrelevant to this particular conversation and the others she has had with sexual people here on AVEN.

 

It's 2.01pm and I haven't had my morning coffee yet. It's definitely coffee time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Serran

1. Do you feel that your physical body doesn't match how you see yourself psychologically and/or are you non-cis?

 

I dont feel like it matches or doesnt. I just dont care about it. Feeling like you should look a certain way or feeling a gender makes no sense. 

 

2. You experience your dreams mostly...

Dont remember any dreams so no idea. 

 

3. Your sexual fantasies are...

I dont really have sexual fantasies. If I am using something to get turned on, its thinking of how much I love my partner and focusing on those feelings. How nice and soft and comfy it feels to be held and kissed. Those feelings spark sexual interest and focusing on them is the only way I can orgasm or anything. 

 

4. Do you have low self-esteem / body image issues?

Not really. People have always hit on me and stuff so I know people find me attractive. I would prefer being a bit more fit but not enough to put effort into it. 

 

5. Are you prone to dissociation and/ or depersonalization?

No.

 

6. Do you feel like you inhabit your body rather than see it as part of you? (from @Moon Spirit's thread, see OP)

 

I dont believe in souls. My physical body is me. My brain and chemicals form personality. The rest forms the functions I need to live. Thats it. 

 

7. Which of the following are accurate?

Used to self harm due to sexual trauma in my past, havent in a while. 

 

 

8. Do you have depression?

Not really? Never diagnosed anything. I get down occasionally, but so does everyone. 

 

9. Do you feel like a part of who you are is being rejected if a partner doesn't feel attracted to your body?

 

I get grossed out if someone is attracted to me from looks first. Random stranger hitting on me from out and about cause they liked how I look? Ew. 

 

But, being in love for sexuals usually leads to finding your partner attractive, even if they arent at first or arent your type physically. For me, the emotional tie to my partners personality and who they are makes me desire them physically. Kisses, hugs, cuddles and sexual activities. If they didnt want any of that, never wanted to touch me, then yes I would feel rejected. Because they wouldnt feel for me what I do for them. 

 

I wouldnt find it a deal breaker if they didnt want sexual stuff though. As long as they wanted some form of physical affection. Especially cuddling !

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
mreid
On 10/12/2018 at 11:06 PM, Alejandrogynous said:

It annoys me that these threads are always split up, it makes it hard to follow the conversations going between them.

I am working on that.

 

On 10/13/2018 at 1:12 AM, uhtred said:

The media is full of content showing activities that many people want to avoid.  (sport fishing in my case.....).   I think that is OK as long as there is no implication that it is "wrong" to avoid those activities.   

The media is usually more subtle than that. What they do is they get the good looking popular actors to embody the idea they are trying to push and then create these bad strawmen characters with less good-looking actors who push the view they are trying to criticize.

 

On 10/13/2018 at 1:12 AM, uhtred said:

@mreiddoes have a point that sometimes in movies, a spouse who does not want sex is shown in a very negative light. Possibly an interesting thread topic.  The distinction between how the media portrays asexuality, vs how it portrays mismatched marriages.

Following my previous point, it's not just with marriages. You also got the "sexually frustrated religious celibate" type character, or you got a variation of that for example in Nymphomaniac where the asexual guy

Spoiler

turns out to be a pervert in the end

but then in that movie everyone acts off-character in the end anyway. The asexual guy's asexuality turns out to be a lie but the protagonists sex addiction turns out to be... fate? Or something with some implied religious connotation or something.

 

And I have seen countless times the "nerdy shy character" who turns out to be a sex-crazed maniac when they become sexually active, usually because another character "teases" them or whatever. Or the harmless looking nice person who turns out to be a serial killer rapist. Or the people with a seemingly pristine public image who turn out to be complete degenerates behind closed doors.

 

And sometimes the way the media completely distorts this sort of thing is baffling. I am thinking about this particular example in a soap opera (I have seen this in other occasions though) where this middle class family is completely dysfunctional, there is infidelity and all sorts of things, another traditional upper class family is completely decadent, but the single mother who got a kid by a drug dealer and is the mistress of a rich guy is somehow a paragon of wisdom. It's things like this and people who show some degree of restraint being portrayed like they are really badly repressed and that by refusing to be more sexual that makes them dysfunctional and frustrated. It does make you wonder the kind of people who write this sort of thing.

 

I had a sex Ed teacher who told the class that it's not good to "repress our urges" because that does all sorts of "bad things", whatever that means. Then she went on gleefully telling the class about how she talks to her son about sex openly and how he went abroad and brought her vibrators and other sex toys as souvenirs.

 

The media has got the whole idea of repression wrong. Repression exists because of "unacceptable needs". These needs can be either biological (like homosexuality), or pathological. A lot of what the media encourages people to indulge in shamelessly is pathological. It just keeps people sick and it's just a way certain people have of gathering followers for their ideologies by indulging them in their "drug" and making them feel better about it. Very common manipulation tactic.

 

And this kind of thinking spreads to real life. If you are not interest in sex then you are either "broken" or traumatized or lack self-esteem and certain types of people see that as an invitation to "fix" you because they expect some kind of gratitude, or you are autistic in which case people feel sorry for you, or you are just weak and rationalize that you don't have to courage to get what you want in which case people laugh at you, or people think you are homosexual and depending on your culture that can be a pretty bad thing, or they think you are a pervert. Or they just look down on you (specially men) because if you have no stories of sexual exploits to tell nor any interest in doing anything sexual, let alone kinky things, then you must be boring or there must be something wrong with you because people won't sleep with you.

 

And maybe just maybe... some of this stuff is true for a few people. I think it's like what happens with gays and those gays. You know, the difference between men who are simply attracted to men and carry on with their lives and men-loving without bothering anyone, and the other type who gives the rest a bad name. I think you find the same kinds of people in every orientation. In heterosexuality there are people who are simply attracted to the opposite gender and those people who make the rest look like animals. Yes, I am judging.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Darthleon2
9 minutes ago, mreid said:

The media has got the whole idea of repression wrong. Repression exists because of "unacceptable needs". These needs can be either biological (like homosexuality), or pathological. A lot of what the media encourages people to indulge in shamelessly is pathological. It just keeps people sick and it's just a way certain people have of gathering followers for their ideologies by indulging them in their "drug" and making them feel better about it. Very common manipulation tactic.

How do we determine the difference between an unacceptable need vs. an acceptable one? How do we tell the difference between a biological need and a pathological one? Is having an intense desire (or perhaps even a need) for sexual variety with different people a matter of biology or pathology? Does it even matter which one it is if that need can be met in a healthy way? As far as I'm concerned, pathological needs are only a problem if they way that someone fulfills (or tries to fulfill) that need is harmful to themselves, others, or both. If it's not harmful, then why should we care?

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...