Is this a squish or a crush?

[GalaxyBomb]

Hello, everyone! I'm sorry if this becomes "ranty", I just kind of need to clear this off my chest.

 

Obviously I'm confused about my romantic orientation. I've identified as aromantic for around 2 years and I feel like that word describes me the best. However, I met this person about one year ago and now I'm kind of doubting if I'm aro. I really like this person, I find everything about them pretty great. Even their "flaws" make me like them more. We like a lot of the same stuff and even talk in the same way.  I know that these feelings don't automatically mean I have a crush, but there's some conflicting feelings I have also.

 

-They do tend to cross my mind during the day for no real reason.

-I do daydream about this person, but the daydreams are usually about us hanging out (such as playing video games, watching our favorite youtubers, or hanging out with our friend group. They also live far away from me so I guess that could explain the daydreams?)

-If they asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with them I'd decline.

-I do get kind of sad when I don't talk to them for a day or two. I don't get extremely sad, it's more like "I wish x was online right now so I could talk to them.".

-I can/have stayed up for hours at night to talk to them.

-The thought of them being in a relationship with someone else doesn't really upset me. The most I'd be concerned about is if our friendship would be harmed by them being in a relationship. I don't get thoughts such as "They should be with me!" or "Their partner isn't good enough for them!". I'd be really happy for them if they found a partner.

-When they are online I get happy.

-I do read through old conversations with them.

- I don't really enjoy talking about my problems or my opinions with people but I'd feel the most comfortable with this person.

-I just feel that they are an amazing person. They're kind, funny, and helpful.

-When they complement me I feel happier than if someone else complemented me too.

-The thought of me being their partner makes me anxious.

 

I don't know if this means I have a crush or not. I've read that you can be experiencing romantic attraction to someone without desiring a relationship with said person so that kind of makes me uncertain of the type of attraction I'm experiencing. I also don't really want to be experiencing romantic attraction if that makes any sense. I don't want to turn out to be something other than aromantic, but if this is a crush then that means I'm not aro. If this does turn out to be a crush or something that I don't want to act on, is it ok to still identify as aro? I'm so confused...

 

(Sorry for any typos in this post... I'm horrible at english.)

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

I feel similarly about one of my friends, I'd say it's a squish. You don't desire an intimate relationship with them

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Sounds like a close friend to me.

[Galactic Turtle]

I wouldn't call it a squish or a crush. My friend feels the same way about me and I jokingly call her clingy.  But yeah, close friend sounds about right.

[Starlit Sky]

I had a best friend. We'd been in a non-official QPR (it was "non-official" because we didn't have a name for it, but that's what it was) before, and even though he's out of my life, and my life is better because of that, I miss him dearly. I believe he was a *soulmate, and I hope that he makes some changes, and that we can be together again one day (though not necessarily living together).

 

Why am I bringing this up? Well. . . .

 

He had a hard squish on me. I never knew until I fell in love for the first time and he expressed his deepest feelings. I remember it was so strange for me, because I was like, Oh my god, he's talking about a squish. 'Cause he didn't have the word for it, just the feelings. Anyway, when I told him that I was in love he got . . . jealous. And he did believe that I would be better off with him--which, he said, only hit him when I was telling him about my feelings for someone else.

 

So what I'm saying is that you might feel like you'd be fine now, but it's possible that that would change in the future.

 

At the same time, I'm not saying that it will. And for the record, based on what you've got here, I would definitely say that you're describing a squish. If you ever get to the point where you feel like you wish you were in a relationship with her, though, it's very possible that you're not aromantic--or at least that you're gray-aro.

 

* * *

 

* Because, in my spirituality, a soulmate is not one person that you will be with romantically for your entire life, but is instead an individual that you have reincarnated with in your lifetime that will help you in someway learn and / or grow. I also believe we have multiple soulmates.

[CandyKitty]

Since you don't want to be in a relationship with them, and you wouldn't mind if they were in a relationship with another person, that sounds more like a squish to me. I've had both crushes and squishes in the past, and way you described your squish sounds almost exactly how I feel about my current squish.

[NickyTannock]

A very belated Welcome to AVEN!

 

I've never had a Crush or a Squish, but it sounds like a Squish to me.

 

Incidentally, it's a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and even though you're not exactly brand new, I see you haven't had the cake yet,

[Tunes]

It sounds like a squish. Usually when people talk about having a crush but not wanting to date the person, it's because of external circumstances - they know that a certain trait of that person's wouldn't mesh well, or that the person is so far out of their reach that they couldn't imagine dating them, or something along these lines. It's not part of the internal attraction. They will still often include romantic interactions in their fantasies, for example. Not that any one trait would be present in all circumstances, but there would be something there, or else it would be indistinguishable. That being said, you know you better than I do, so you get to make the final call, but it sounds like a squish to me.