Strong platonic attraction v. romantic attraction

[who-even-am-i-anyway]

Yes, it's this question again...

So, I've always ID'd as aro ace but now I'm doubting. I made an actual real life friend (who's also ace) and started to panic that I'm actually crushing: thinking about her all the time even when in the middle of completely unrelated activities, missing her constantly, listening almost exclusively to music she's recommended, reading every book she's ever mentioned, getting weirdly protective feelings whenever she's sad, staying up super late so I can talk to her even though I have to get up really early, remembering tiny details of what she's said even though I normally have a terrible memory. She's the only person I've ever talked about feelings to, the only friend where it feels like I can actually be myself and nothing is off-limits and it feels like I've known her way longer than I actually have. Any excuse for a hug is a good one, and I've wondered about what it would be like to kiss her (seems a good idea in theory...lol). 

Have I just made a super-close friend or is some scary feelings-stuff going on? How do you tell if you have a squish or a crush?

[Guest]

Those are all things that I have experienced when developing romantic feelings for someone, but I've never experienced those things you outlined for someone I just want to be good friends with. If that makes sense? It sounds most definitely like a crush to me 

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I've never had a crush, but it sounds like a crush.

 

Incidentally, it's a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

[Juliatransdress]

Welcome to AVEN

 

[Ms. Carolynne]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I would say it's a crush given the limerence.

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

@who-even-am-i-anyway Hello! Welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite amount of  here, so take as much as you want!

 

It seems like a crush or a squish to me. 

[who-even-am-i-anyway]

Thanks for the cake everyone ( I do really like cake, I've obviously found the right people here!). And thanks for the replies - seems I'm going to have to think about that...oh dear.

[All The Thoughts]

You see, this kind of stuff’s really complicated. There are a lot of things you mentioned that I can view as romantic and totally get where everyone else is coming from, but it still feels like there isn’t enough information to truly come up with a definite answer. Whether aware of it or not, many people tend to explain something like this more toward the direction they want it to be in or think it’s more of, and I feel like that’s what’s going on here; there’s seemingly a bit of bias (but it’s fine because it’s perfectly understandable and it’s usually something everyone does with this kind of thing without realizing it). Just keep in mind, there can be some pretty big squishes but there can also be some big romantic crushes. 

 

What it really boils down to is what you define as romantic. It’s a tough thing to define but if you can do that, this process becomes a whole lot easier. You listed a few items that can go under platonic or romantic depending on your viewpoint.

 

In the end though, I’m just a random person on the internet who only knows a minuscule amount of the situation so keep that in mind

[Starlit Sky]

I'm inclined to say that this really, really, really sounds like a crush, BUT

 

7 hours ago, All The Thoughts said:

Whether aware of it or not, many people tend to explain something like this more toward the direction they want it to be in or think it’s more of, and I feel like that’s what’s going on here; there’s seemingly a bit of bias (but it’s fine because it’s perfectly understandable and it’s usually something everyone does with this kind of thing without realizing it)

^ That is absolutely, completely, 100% true, and I think that it's worth it to take that into account. While what you're describing really does sound like a crush, and while nine times out of ten I'd say that's exactly what it was, there's also definitely the possibility that these are just fantasies.

 

But here's a little something: you don't have to slap a new label on yourself right now. Honestly, labels are only there to help us put a name to ourselves, but if we don't quite know what that name is, that's fine. I definitely understand what it's like to question if you really are a certain label that you've grown attached to (I've gone through that with asexuality), but it's okay to work through those feelings and set the label to the side, if only for a little while, if that's what you feel is appropriate.

[Tunes]

Yeah, it seems a little more on the line for me. I'm 110% romantic here, so I won't even pretend to know for certain what a squish is like, but I am in a QPR with an aro right now, so I'll try to use what she's told me and what I've observed to give the best answer that I can.

 

To me, this does sound like a crush, but I also thought my partner had a crush on me for a while. I don't think what you have described is definitive because she also mentioned a lot of similar feelings. I don't think the line between them is very big (or it isn't *necessarily* that big, I should say). I think the safest bet for figuring this out is to ask the same question I generally recommend to detect aromanticism in general - when you imagine having everything you want from her, does it include anything that you personally view as DISTINCTLY ROMANTIC (distinctly nonplatonic)? This still isn't definitive - when I had a crush on her, for a long time I was convinced that I wanted to have sex with her (what I wanted was the intimacy that I associated with sex, which became very apparent very fast once I actually had a relationship with her). So you might still find after you get some reciprocation that you didn't really want that after all because it wasn't what/how you imagined. But it's a good place to start, and if you can say that everything you want still has a platonic feel to you, then it's definitely a squish, not a crush. So the question can potentially rule out crush, but it can't rule out squish (just make it less likely).