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my friend says shes grayromantic, what is that?


an observer

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(im sorry if i posted this in the wrong area, i didnt see any places about grayromanticism) hey, i have a friend who says that they think that they are greyromantic. ive done some research online but im still really confused

 

gray romanticism doesnt make sense to me, isnt it just the same as most people except you just dont experience it that often? it confuses me, and it doesnt make sense. please clarify because i dont want to hurt her feelings or anything 😕

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NickyTannock

welcome to AVEN!

 

A Greyromantic is not Aromantic, but experiences Romantic Attraction so much less than everyone else that to call them Romantic would be misleading.
In the same way that a Greysexual is not completely Asexual, but experiences Sexual Attraction so much less than everyone else that to call them Sexual would be misleading.

 

Incidentally, it's a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake,

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thanks for the welcome! 

 

im still not really sure if i understand... i think im missing something

 so greyromantics arent different to aromantics or romantics at all, its just they experience romanticism so uncommonly that it would be misleading? i guess im kind of confused about why thats misleadying

this is confusing 😕

 

thanks again

     - an observer

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Anthracite_Impreza

It can also be experiencing something that you aren't sure whether it's romantic or platonic; it's a deliberate grey area for "it's very rare/confusing/complicated". You simply need to respect your friend's identity and you won't offend them ;)

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To Each Their Own

Grey = in the grey area

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nonono i am respecting them and everything im just trying to understand it

 

i understand the definitions of aromanticism, & romanticism, but;

if aromantics dont experience romantic attraction

and romantics do

and greyromantics also do, its just rare

arent romantics and greyromantics the same? its just people who call themselves grayromantic dont experience it that often? 

 

im sorry if im being disrespectful or anything, im just confused :(

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NickyTannock
6 minutes ago, an observer said:

so greyromantics arent different to aromantics or romantics at all, its just they experience romanticism so uncommonly that it would be misleading? i guess im kind of confused about why thats misleadying

 

It's misleading because a Greyromantic might experience Romantic Attraction so rarely that they're functionally Aromantic, but the rare Romantic Attraction that they do experience means they aren't Aromantic.

I didn't mean to imply that Greyromantics aren't different to Aromantics or Romantics, because they are.

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To Each Their Own
1 minute ago, an observer said:

nonono i am respecting them and everything im just trying to understand it

 

i understand the definitions of aromanticism, & romanticism, but;

if aromantics dont experience romantic attraction

and romantics do

and greyromantics also do, its just rare

arent romantics and greyromantics the same? its just people who call themselves grayromantic dont experience it that often? 

 

im sorry if im being disrespectful or anything, im just confused :(

I think you got it.

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@MichaelTannock

 

hmm, i think its making a little more sense? so functionally they are like an aromantic at most given moments, its just that they can still be romantically attracted?

 

gee this is kind of odd

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Anthracite_Impreza

Let me put it this way. There is one kind of vegetable I like - mushy peas. Under no circumstances could I be called a vegetable lover (romantic), but since I like one kind of vegetable I am not vegetable-free (aromantic). I only, and have only ever, liked one vegetable, so have to specify it every time (grey-romantic).

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1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Let me put it this way. There is one kind of vegetable I like - mushy peas. Under no circumstances could I be called a vegetable lover (romantic), but since I like one kind of vegetable I am not vegetable-free (aromantic). I only, and have only ever, liked one vegetable, so have to specify it every time (grey-romantic).

oh my god that makes so much more sense thank you so much

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ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø

@an observer Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! Have an infinite amount of 🍰!

So, the way I see it, greyromantics are in between aromantics and alloromantics in term of their levels of romantic attraction.

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Anthracite_Impreza
1 minute ago, an observer said:

oh my god that makes so much more sense thank you so much

Mushy peas to the rescue ;)

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Anthracite_Impreza
5 minutes ago, MichaelTannock said:

@Anthracite_Impreza I'll have to remember that example the next time someone asks this question.

Feel free to substitute with an alternate vegetable ;)

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Moved from Questions about Asexuality to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations.


TheAP
Questions about Asexuality mod

 

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banana monkey

I'm going to go against the grain/concensus here and put it out there that I identify as greyromantic but I still see it as a type of romantic. I understand the explainations above and why some others may see it that way but personally, similar to an observer, anything not aromantic is still romantic even if it is only once (as with me) or rarely or you cant tell (again happens with me). Its  similar to the fact that a greysexual is still a sexual not asexual. 

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I think something some are forgetting here is that sexuality and romanticism go along a spectrum, and while it's true that most people who come here that identify as either gray-asexual or gray-aromantic might experience their respective attraction and desire much more than average (of other gray's). In other words, we might have one person who identifies as gray-romantic, who only experience romantic attraction every now and then, but another who experiences romantic attraction much more frequently. Just a friendly reminder! :)

OP, I'm going to elaborate a little bit further ^_^ Correct me if I'm wrong, but you had an underlying question here: why would someone call themselves gray-romantic if they experience romantic attraction, and it's just not as much? In other words, what's the point?

 

To answer that question, you really have to understand that anyone who feels a need to call themselves gray-[anything] (in terms of sexual and romantic orientations) will feel that there is something innately different in the way that they experience something as compared to most people. Now, the way that they differ might vary from person to person, but nonetheless it's something that they realize and understand from a personal perspective much better than anyone who isn't them can understand.

 

For example, let's say we have someone who's a typically romantic person, and they have a friend who identifies as a gray-romantic person. The gray-romantic could point out something like how they had only ever experienced any kind of romantic desire twice in fifty years of being alive (as in, no crushes, no real desire to pursue any romantic adventure, nothing, except for twice, which may or may not have been only fleeting), but the other person  might still say something like, "Well, that's normal, right? It's just that it's a lot less?"

 

For another example, say that we have a woman who is very, very attracted to guys . . . of all kinds . . . and one day they realize that, you know what? They're attracted to ladies as well, but not even a quarter as much. They go their entire lives and never once have a real desire to get with a woman, but when they try to explain their attraction to a friend the other might go, "Well, that's normal, right? You're straight, except a little less?"

 

But in the above example, no, the woman is not "straight except a little less"--she's bisexual. In the other example, the man isn't "romantic except a little less," he's a gray-romantic. Both of the people in our examples have something similar to with what they're being compared to, but it's not quite the same. Does that make sense?

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Most of the time, grey-romantic or grey-sexual means that you are essentially aromantic/asexual, but every now and then there is some weird circumstance in which you might feel romantic/sexual attraction. But to say they are romantic/sexual would imply that they feel it much more often or much differently. 

 

I'm less familiar with aromanticism (as I am very romantic), but the asexual equivalent would be:

 

Someone that only feels sexual attraction as long as the person is not sexually attracted back - as soon as the feelings are returned, they go back to being asexual. So to say that they never feel sexual attraction would be false, but to say that they feel sexual attraction like everyone else would also be wrong. Then the romantic equivalent would be feeling romantically attracted until the person agreed to date them, then suddenly viewing them as only a friend. 

 

Or someone who feels sexual attraction, but only toward themself (yes, this is a thing) or only toward inanimate objects. I have no idea if there is a direct translation of this for romanticism or not - I can't imagine what it would be. But the idea is the same - odd circumstances that make you definitely not a normal sexual/romantic, but technically not asexual/aromantic either. 

 

Or they only feel sexual attraction after having an intense emotional bond. The difference with this one is that it's not just a 'I have to know you well before I want to have sex with you', it's more along the lines of 'I have to love you so much that breaking up with you might break my heart before I can honestly say that I find you even remotely sexually appealing'. Now, this taken literally might still be a bit exaggerated, but you get the point; it's extreme enough that you are essentially asexual most of the time. I don't know romanticism well, like I said, but I imagine it's similar for demiromantics: a person has to essentially be hardcore friendzoned for a certain amount of time before they may possibly even begin to consider a romantic attraction to them. Again, probably a bit exaggerated, but you get the idea - far closer to aromantic than to romantic, even if they technically can feel romantic attraction. 

 

But anyway, that's the difference. I hope it helps.

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  • 2 weeks later...
DogObsessedLi

I'm greyromantic and I tend to experience a more intense aesthetic attraction, sort of like in between romantic and platonic. I also use demiromantic because I develop romantic attraction after building up an emotional bond where often there's no attraction initially. I'm forever tweaking my labels though!!!

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