AlexHyde Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Hey, my name is Hyde and I just discovered my asexuality, during my relationship. I'm still really confused and lost, and I just kinda need another ace to talk too. I'm the only one at my school thats open about it and all my friends are sexually active. Luckily the solid 3 friends I came out to accepted me, but I'm still so lost in everything... Please help! I just need another ace to talk too. How do I explain this to my gf?? Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Welcome to AVEN! You could show her this, http://www.asexualityarchive.com/book/ Link to post Share on other sites
ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 @AlexHyde Welcome to heAVEN! Have an infinite amount of 🍰! Link to post Share on other sites
Ivy4 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 I might not be the best person for advice since I've never been in a relationship, but I think the best thing is to just be completely honest and open with her, and explain how you feel clearly Link to post Share on other sites
CaptainMel Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 What I think is most important is making sure your boundaries are set. Explain what you do and don't feel comfortable doing. Don't ignore or repress your asexuality or it could result in a lot of guilt in the future. If she doesn't like these boundaries that make you feel comfortable (like what she can and can't touch, kissing, how far you'll go etc.) then maybe give her time. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena32 Posted October 8, 2018 Share Posted October 8, 2018 Hello, Hyde, and welcome to AVEN! I discovered my asexuality during a relationship as well-- it's a tough situation to navigate. My best suggestion is just to be honest with your partner. Tell them what you identify as, what you like as far as intimacy (if you like cuddles, or kissing, or something as simple as them inquiring as to how your day was, say so), and then tell them what you don't want to do. I would suggest being firm and later adjusting your boundaries, rather than saying you're fine with something when you're not sure. If you are never going to have sex with them, say that, and be clear. Don't bottle it up inside-- I did some of that, and that smothered my romantic feelings towards them. From there, it depends upon the person you're dating. If they are worthy of you, they'll respect your boundaries and help come up with a list of things that you both enjoy doing (on my list was cuddling during movie nights and long, philosophical conversations), and you can continue from there and work that into your relationship. I would also suggest connecting them with some resources, and basic information about asexuality. However, if they don't respect your boundaries, or try to talk you into doing things you've expressed that you don't want to do, think long and hard about whether or not you want to date a person who won't respect you. My answer would be no, because if they don't respect you and your needs, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Either way, the ball rests in their court. Good luck, and have some cake! Link to post Share on other sites
AlexHyde Posted October 8, 2018 Author Share Posted October 8, 2018 Thank you so much guys!!!! It feels really good to know people out there get it 😭😭 Link to post Share on other sites
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