Geo9999

Any help will be appreciated

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Geo9999

I have some trouble finding a term to identify as and I decided to write about it, hoping some reply will help me with that. I haven't really felt sexual attraction towards anyone, and although I can't place myself mentally in a sexual setting (the idea of it feels strange and awkward), I don't have any feelings against it. I think that I wouldn't mind having sex in a close and intimate relationship, but I still have trouble with that (I feel weird thinking about kissing or sexual acts). At the same time I would really like to be in a relationship for the closeness and cuddling seems like heaven in my head. Problem is that both asexuality and demisexuality (I used to lean towards that) do not describe my case accurately, because I get aroused by porn or erotic material, but not by other people. It's like being attracted to the things you fantasize about, but not about actual living beings. Thank you in advance for any replies!

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Slice of Ace

Hi! Welcome to AVEN 🍰

First of all, an asexual (ace) is someone who doesn't feel sexual attraction to other people. That doesn't mean that aces can't get aroused by porn or other erotic material. It's a different thing to fantasize about something and to actually want to partake in those acts. I, personally, was very confused about my asexuality when I was in a relationship with an allosexual (a non-asexual) because I liked talking about sex with him, but when it came to the bedroom, I didn't really want to do anything.

 

As for wanting to be in a relationship, that's perfectly normal as well 😄 I don't know if you're familiar with the split attraction model or different forms of attraction? Basically, a lot of people in the ace community identify with a romantic and a sexual orientation. In my case, I identify as homoromantic ace. This means that I feel romantic attraction (i.e. want to be in a relationship with, go on dates etc.) to other guys, but don't feel sexual attraction to people of any gender. There's also other forms of attraction, like sensual (cuddling, holding hands), and aesthetic (finding people good looking) that some aces choose to identify with

 

Hopefully that helps, and if you want to ask more questions, go ahead 😊 In my experience, this community is really welcoming, accepting, and kind 👍

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Celyn
25 minutes ago, Geo9999 said:

I get aroused by porn or erotic material, but not by other people. It's like being attracted to the things you fantasize about, but not about actual living beings.

There's a word that almost describes this perfectly - "Autochorissexual" - it means that one can be aroused by imagining, talking about etc. sex but not want to actually have sex.

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Geo9999

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I didn't think it would happen so fast☺. This actually clears some of the confusion I have about arousal, and I read a little on autochorissexual, so I guess I learnt a new term to describe myself!😃 About the forms of attraction, sensual and aesthetic are present, and I would be interested in having sex in a safe and intimate environment (though I wouldn't really mind not doing it), so overall I think I have a better understanding of myself and my sexuality. I'm very happy seeing your responses, you give of a welcoming vibe☺ so thank you again for helping me out on this!

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Slice of Ace
2 hours ago, Geo9999 said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I didn't think it would happen so fast☺. This actually clears some of the confusion I have about arousal, and I read a little on autochorissexual, so I guess I learnt a new term to describe myself!😃 About the forms of attraction, sensual and aesthetic are present, and I would be interested in having sex in a safe and intimate environment (though I wouldn't really mind not doing it), so overall I think I have a better understanding of myself and my sexuality. I'm very happy seeing your responses, you give of a welcoming vibe☺ so thank you again for helping me out on this!

No problem! 😁 Always happy to help. I'm glad you understand yourself better 

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