coffeehoe

Am I aromantic asexual or not, confused?

Recommended Posts

coffeehoe

hey so I'm new here, a 19 year old girl.

i have always found sex gross. Naked bodies don't do anything for me in a sexual attraction kind of way.  im only visually attracted when I see a good body. Genitals gross me out so much. I've never masturbated down there or tried a tampon because I simply find my own genital gross. So..yeah I'm probably ace. But..I also hate hugs and cringeworthy romantic stuff. I hate holding hands. Being in a relationship seems tiring to me. I feel like I would get bored after a week. it sounds sick I know, but I think relationships are only valid if you can benefit from them.. I see these bonds as strategic and calculated for the best outcome, not as emotional attachments. But recently I've been eyeing this classmate (a girl) and I realised I was so attracted to her , even romantically(i had never thought that way about girls). And you know what? this was after i found out two of my friends were lesbian. Then, I got scared that I might have been trying to copy them, as if I didn't have feelings of my own. Other times, boys would really show they were interested in me and there was this one boy who was seriously in love with me, and I thought I loved him back because I kept thinking about him but turns out I was obsessed with him being obsessed with me. I felt disgusted. How fast I lose interest after realising all of my feelings are not real..they are either replicas or based on narcissm. I'm so confused on what i am..I know not everythings about labels, but I cant even describe myself...What can i dooo.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
TheAP

It sounds like you are asexual. I don't know if you are aromantic or not, but I can sort of relate. I obsess over people, but I'm not sure if I would want a romantic relationship with them. I just like my idealized image of them. It's okay not to want a romantic relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tunes

Cultural romantic things are not the same as a romantic orientation, btw. Romantics also often find cringeworthy romantic stuff to be cringeworthy. It’s more about whether you would be comfortable living your life with only platonic interactions or not. Since there are no distinct interactions that everyone always considers distinctly romantic, what counts as a nonplatonic interaction is based on your personal perspective. Hope that helps you figure out the (a)romanticism part. 

 

As for the copying emotions of others bit, I’m completely unfamiliar. It might be a narcissistic thing (tbh, I don’t know much about narcissism, but since you mentioned it as a possibility, I’m assuming that you do). Either way, whatever it is, I can’t relate, so I’m not sure what to say about that one. Sorry. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MichaelTannock

@coffeehoe Welcome to AVEN!

 

You might find this post helpful if you haven't read it already,

Incidentally, it's a tradition here to welcome new people by offering cake,

10.jpg

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
ZinxtheJinx

Its okay, you´re ace.

 

In my opinion you could be bi/homoromantic or just unconsciencely copying your friends so you can feel something maybe. I myself can relate to you very well. I´m aromantic and have never understood relationships. I can only see financial gain or if there was something I wanted. We can talk more any time if you´d like 😁

 

And welcome to Aven!!!

Related image

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Next-Level Consciousness

@coffeehoe Hey! Welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite abundance of 🍰 here! Take what you want!

 

You definitely sound ace, though you may be greyromantic?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle
On 10/6/2018 at 9:47 PM, Tunes said:

Cultural romantic things are not the same as a romantic orientation, btw. Romantics also often find cringeworthy romantic stuff to be cringeworthy. It’s more about whether you would be comfortable living your life with only platonic interactions or not. Since there are no distinct interactions that everyone always considers distinctly romantic, what counts as a nonplatonic interaction is based on your personal perspective. Hope that helps you figure out the (a)romanticism part. 

^^^^^ 100% this.

 

While I'm a bit older than you, I do feel the same now as I did when I was 19. I'm aro ace and for me that means I'm not interest in sex and I'm not interested in having a partner. I've never had a crush. I've never been attracted to anyone. I enjoy time with friends and colleagues not because all of these relationships are strategic but because I genuinely like being around these people. I enjoy conversing with them and watching them succeed. Their individual romantic relationships help them in ways different from my platonic relationship with them and this does not bother me in the slightest.

 

While I do agree that some crushes can be more a product of narcissism (for example - in middle/high school when a person would only fall for another once they found out the other person was interested in them), I do think something more substantial can grow from that. So perhaps your crushes thus far have only reached the surface level which is fine. As for what type of relationships you'd like to have, that's something everyone has to feel out for themselves. I enjoy friends who won't pester me when I don't want to go out and do things, for example. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
apolo234

This is the story of my life, like, are you my clone or something? Haha.

 

Well, seriously though, you're clearly asexual and sex-repulsed, (that means you disagree with having sex yourself, that doesn't mean you disagree with sex in general though, you could or not) you can look for more detailed information about all this in the wiki. http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page

 

The aromanticism is a bit harder to guess, but I want you to ask yourself something, it's what helped me realize too I was aromantic too: Would you rather kiss, cuddle and in general live together forever, (not platonic) or do (whatever hobby you love here) with them, taunt each other and just have fun, but either seeing each other sometimes or living together but more as doormats? If the answer to that is the latter, it could be a very strong aesthetic attraction, which could be confused for a crush, if it's the former, then it sounds more like romantic love though.

 

From there on it gets easier to make a guessed decision, you could or you could not be aromantic, but you really seem asexual though.

 

Also, relevant photo, it'll help you distinguish attraction types so that you know what we're talking about here:

zlo2z.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
apolo234

And, btw, welcome to AVEN, we're always grateful to have new members here! 😄

 

coffee-cake.jpg?itok=rIJbejho

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now