questioning my romantic/sexual attraction

[bre_1234]

I don't know. I never really was in love with anyone. I technically did "date" two guys (im a female). However, it was more of a friendship to me than a relationship. The first time was also in like 5th grade and looking back i feel like at the time it was "cool" to say I'm dating someone and in all reality, i feel like i just wanted to get to know him. That lasted until 7th grade but the whole time we never did anything that said were more than friends and the only reason I didn't say how I felt was because I thought he was actually into me and wanted to keep him as a friend but looking back i don't think he did and now we both just say those were awkward years. The next guy I "dated" I more or less was unintentionally guilt-tripped into saying yes to him by my mom cause she knew he was going to ask me out the day before he did and told me the night before that he was and that he really liked me and I was all he talked about. I don't actually know how much he was into me but he would always want to hold hands and do cute things together but the whole time I felt awkward doing those things.
Now about 6 years later I dot know. I feel like I may have had crushes on some of my friends who are girls but its kind of been more of just emotional/intellectual attraction and they haven't lasted long or would come ago. I do have a friend now who I will honestly do anything for no matter if I would get into trouble. She's been living a hard life since she's been born with a ton of family complications and right now she's going through a lot so I don't know if I just care for her on a friendship level and if it the same with the other friends cause I always started getting the confusing feelings when they were going through a rough patch.
I, however, don't understand the point or why someone would enjoy doing all the romantic things like kissing, hand holding, etc or how anyone could enjoy doing anything sexual and when I imagine doing any of that stuff with anyone despite their gender makes me feel somewhat uncomfortable but at the same time a small part of me wants to experience it.

[Cheshire-Cat]

Welcome to the forum. Its ok to feel confused, that's the first important thing to know. It does sound a bit like you might be sex neutral (maybe closer to the sex repulsed side) and there's plenty of people on here who feel like that. It could be that you develop attraction more on a strong intellectual, platonic, basis than a romantic basis. It could also be that you have a very strong caring and protective instinct which is why you develop stronger feelings for someone when they're going through a rough time (kind of like a mother wanting to protect her kids).

I would say have a good browse around, have a look at the various definitions, and see if something fits. But if it doesn't don't feel like you have to shoe horn yourself into a box. We're people not tick boxes after all.

 

And in the AVEN tradition of welcome please have some cake 🍰

[bre_1234]

Thank You i do like how you mentioned how we are not little tick boxes. I feel like society has made it so that everyone has to fit perfectly in little boxes and it stinks