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KorraLover

Inhale...

 

Exhale...

 

I just posted in Asexual Musings and Ranting about becoming "unhinged" after experiencing what seems to be sexual/sensual attraction (after only five days on knowing him) and knocking me off the ace high horse--and I was out and proud, loud and in-yo-face for 13 years. But now things are bleeding together, because I want more from this guy, and I don't know how to ask for it.

 

I don't know how to dirty talk.

I don't look sexy in videos of my shirt and bra off.

I'm not flexible.

I don't even know how to answer the simple questions about ::whispers:: shaving preferences without sounding, well, ACE.

 

Here's the thing: I've complied with every one of this guy's requests, because I've wanted to. I asked for pictures of him, but his camera wasn't working. (He had profile pictures, I just wanted something recent.) He only contacts me once every couple of days, asks me if I'm available to meet up (I wasn't this week/weekend) and then proceeds to rev me up. And it does rev me up.

 

How do I do this well for him? Communication is key, I know, but is there something more I can be doing? Sending little suggestive flirts with him or something? I'm TERRIBLE at this, but I want to be better.

 

P.S. I think this post goes here. If not, move or delete. :) 

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Baam

Everyone is terrible at first, I wouldn't worry too much! If he knows you identified as ace before, or at least knows that you're new to this, he will also be expecting you to be terrible at first ;). You'll learn with experience, but I'll leave it to others to give you actual tips because I have no idea what guys like or expect.

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SweetTart
2 hours ago, KorraLover said:

Here's the thing: I've complied with every one of this guy's requests, because I've wanted to. I asked for pictures of him, but his camera wasn't working. (He had profile pictures, I just wanted something recent.)

This is a bit of a red flag. If you're the only one sending pictures, and he makes excuses instead of sending pictures of himself that's suspicious. Just be careful, it can be easy to go along with things when you're interested in someone, and it can turn out later they weren't really who you thought they were. (Figuratively, but it can be literal too lol)

 

On the topic of what you can do, flirting is a good start. While flirting feels strange and sometimes a bit detached for me, I've become pretty decent at it. It helps just to observe how a person flirts with you, and try to mimic that sort of style. A pretty simple example would be like "Hey handsome ;)" In response to a "Hey beautiful" or what have you. For something more suggestive just amp it up a bit. See how he responds to certain things and go from there, it can be pretty easy to get into a flow of back and forth after you've talked for a while. Note: I'm not a big fan of emojis but they're pretty popular in flirting, and can be an easy way to start out.

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KorraLover
4 hours ago, Baam said:

Everyone is terrible at first, I wouldn't worry too much! If he knows you identified as ace before, or at least knows that you're new to this, he will also be expecting you to be terrible at first ;). You'll learn with experience, but I'll leave it to others to give you actual tips because I have no idea what guys like or expect.

He actually said that he identified as asexual for a long time, too, but has always had a high libido. I'll try to take it slow and learn as I go! Thanks for your input and perspective!

 

2 hours ago, SweetTart said:

This is a bit of a red flag. If you're the only one sending pictures, and he makes excuses instead of sending pictures of himself that's suspicious. Just be careful, it can be easy to go along with things when you're interested in someone, and it can turn out later they weren't really who you thought they were. (Figuratively, but it can be literal too lol)

 

On the topic of what you can do, flirting is a good start. While flirting feels strange and sometimes a bit detached for me, I've become pretty decent at it. It helps just to observe how a person flirts with you, and try to mimic that sort of style. A pretty simple example would be like "Hey handsome ;)" In response to a "Hey beautiful" or what have you. For something more suggestive just amp it up a bit. See how he responds to certain things and go from there, it can be pretty easy to get into a flow of back and forth after you've talked for a while. Note: I'm not a big fan of emojis but they're pretty popular in flirting, and can be an easy way to start out.

RE: red flag, I thought/think so too. We'll see how it pans out. I've resolved myself not to give out much more unless the actions are reciprocated. I don't want to be in a position where I am being used. We HAD just had a severe storm that he said was messing with his computer. I did everything by phone, so...but maybe he doesn't have a smartphone. Sigh. I'll be careful.

 

GOOD SUGGESTIONS. I am a writer, so you'd think I could figure out a provocative "character" and roleplay that. Ha!

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