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Aromantic and being flirted with


GiveMeBurritos

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GiveMeBurritos

It's so frustrating when you just want to be friends with someone and then they start to flirt with you. We were having a fun light conversation and then he goes and calls me cute. I just freeze up. Like how do you even respond to that? Thanks? Guess I have good genetics? lol. 

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I feel that. I'm in college right now and I've lost a few guy friends because when they wanted a relationship they just wouldn't take no for an answer. I try to drop hints early in a friendship now that I don't want to jump into a relationship, but it has made me hesitant to make friends with guys, which is frustrating.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I got flirted with by some guys at the car wash and got free stuff; I ain't complainin' ;)

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

@Anthracite_Impreza

 

Yeah, getting hit on/flirted with is uncomfortable, but usually.... beneficial, or at least your self-esteem goes up a bit.

Oh if they ever tried anything I'd let Blitz run over them, but until that point I'll take what I can get ;) 

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1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Oh if they ever tried anything I'd let Blitz run over them, but until that point I'll take what I can get ;) 

Lol, I get it, usually I'm halfway in the mood of punching someone out and laughing my butt off when someone flirts with me.

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I was waiting for a college classroom to empty so I could get in for the next class. In the hallway while waiting some girl comes up to me and I first thought "Great! Someone to talk about history with!" Turns out they tried to fake interest in history before turning bizarrely flirty. She continually tried to talk to me for weeks so I purposefully avoided her. Then she had the nerve to ask if I was gay, I just said no walked away. Being asked if I was gay though did help me discover Asexuality, so I guess not all bad. I enjoy actually talking about History, but don't fake it to flirt.

 

 

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kel naismith

I don't anyone has actually ever flirted with me, which 95% of the time I'm glad about, but the other 5% I'm weirdly disappointed that no one thinks that I'm smart/interesting/cute enough to want to try and ask me out or whatever. 

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I’m sorta glad I’m bad at recognizing flirting when it involves me, and that I just naturally don’t think people are interested in me cause it has likely helped avoid this particular issue for the most part. Getting complimented is so awkward for me cause I don’t consider most of my achievements as particularly incredible, and I just don’t know how to respond. I think I’d actually die though if someone straight up called me “cute” or something along those lines. My obliviousness barrier needs to stand strong or else my brain short-circuits 😇. Keeping different gender friends is hard 😕, esp. because I feel like quite a few of the ones I’ve had were actually admirers considering nearly all my friendships with women were established through me just helping them in school.

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awkwardchickenpotatodragon

I don't recall ever being flirted with (not that I'd notice) but I would probably freeze up and want to get out of there ASAP.... And then feel awkward about it for the rest of the month day.

 

I mean, once a girl said an expression I made was cute (I think she's relatively openly gay, but heck if I know) but I immediately took it as a compliment (by bashfully hiding my face because that's the only way I know how to take compliments) and not at all connected to romance or anything. Later I started to worry about that, but whatever.

 

I'm constantly worried that people have crushes on me, or I'm constantly worried something I say will be taken in a romantic context, but I don't think about people flirting with me as often. Wouldn't be comfortable with it all the same though.

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lmao I can't tell if people are flirting with me or not. Sometimes the thought will come to me that they are possibly flirting and I get super hyper sensitive when I'm chatting with a guy in a chill manner. But I mean it's fine if nobody has ever flirted with me with the intentions for a serious romantic relationship 

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Hey, if your profile pic looks anything like you, then you are cute! A rounded, youthful face, a good smile, a nose that doesn’t have anything obviously awkward about it (which is apparently enough to qualify as a good nose). And I’m not flirting with you. ;) It’s totally good genetics. My family also has good genetics. My sister and I have gotten weird looks for saying our brother is attractive and gushing over pictures of our dad from when he was younger (“Omg, our dad was fucking adorable!” “Yeah, I agree; but what the hell was he wearing? I can’t imagine glasses like that ever being considered a good choice.”). It’s like admitting that someone looks good is taboo unless you want to date them. Lol. Flaws in society. Not that I think you misunderstood - quite the opposite, I’m considered weird for saying it when I’m NOT flirting, so I suppose that means that people only admit it when they ARE flirting. I just don’t understand why. 

 

In all seriousness, though, that is a common and tedious problem. I don’t mind it so much, but my aro partner complains about it all the time. She’s lost a lot of potential friends who decided that they weren’t interested in any relationship with her if it wasn’t romantic. :( Sad truth.

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Purple Wanderer

Keep loose salt in your pockets. If they flirt throw it in their eyes. Works a treat. Guarantee they'll stop. 

 

 

Also...  lot of sexuals just like flirting for the fun of it. This type I usually reply in kind as its fun...  But when its serious I panic... i dont wanna lead anyone on. Also dont want to tell anyone im ace yet. Running away helps

 

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To Each Their Own

I don’t notice when people are flirting with me. I’ve had friends point out to me when other people were flirting with me. It usually goes something like:

friend: “OMG! You seriously didn’t just notice that?”

me: “What?”

friend: “They were totally just flirting with you!”

me: “Really? I thought they were just being nice “

 

Similarly, I have been accused of flirting when all I was doing was trying to be nice. 

 

I find it incredibly difficult to read the subtle signals in a sexual society. I’m very direct in my speaking and that’s what I expect in return. Just say what you mean. 

 

This is why I prefer dogs. 

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Same here, it almost always goes over my head when someone flirts with me (except they are very direct -even so, it's difficult).
Most of the time no one is trying to flirt with me, fortunately (I think :D).

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Even as a romantic, the subtleties of flirting sometimes go over my head, tbh. ^^u Aromantics probably to a higher degree sometimes (just because their minds don't go in that direction as often or as easily, much like mine doesn't jump to sex as often as society expects it to...), but it IS complicated...

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Fluffy Femme Guy

I've never been hit on or flirted with as far as I could remember.
 

On 10/1/2018 at 7:19 PM, The Dryad said:

Yeah, getting hit on/flirted with is uncomfortable, but usually.... beneficial, or at least your self-esteem goes up a bit.

I'd be fine with some compliments as long as they weren't pushy.

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I may have had similar situations as a demiromantic.  That is, I've had situations where I found myself thinking "Why does she keep talking to me?  Is she romantically attracted to me?"  These incidents happened exclusively in high school and undergrad (I'm 30 now), and never with anyone I had actually befriended in any meaningful way, though if I had been friends the question of "why does she keep talking to me?" would have had the easy answer of "because we're friends," and I would not have assumed intention or desire for a romantic attraction under the circumstances.  

 

In those cases, I just ignored the possible romantic nature of the conversation, usually accidentally ending the possibility of friendship.

 

Then there were the two laughably bad advances. Once, someone I had literally never met sent me an online message saying that a mutual friend thought we'd be a good couple.  I told her that I would need more than that to start a romantic partnership.  The mutual friend then angrily said "AspieAlly613, it's hard to find dates for you when you act asexual."  A few months later, that mutual friend said she'd be interested in a one-night stand with me.  Needless to say, that was not a particularly productive approach for her.

 

 

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4 hours ago, AspieAlly613 said:

Then there were the two laughably bad advances. Once, someone I had literally never met sent me an online message saying that a mutual friend thought we'd be a good couple.  I told her that I would need more than that to start a romantic partnership.  The mutual friend then angrily said "AspieAlly613, it's hard to find dates for you when you act asexual."  A few months later, that mutual friend said she'd be interested in a one-night stand with me.  Needless to say, that was not a particularly productive approach for her.

Wow... O.o That IS really bad! I mean, as a romantic, I probably would have been ok with giving it a try (though this was more because I was desperate to have any kind of approval in high school, and dating would have been the ultimate form (because I had a twisted view of how the world works), but I remember being really irritated when people started trying to do that to me in college). But the second one just kinda baffles me. She even called you out on acting asexual (when it was aromantic that she meant, but it seems like she was fusing the two, so same effect), then turns around and thinks you'll approve a one-night stand? Really?? Hm... 

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