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mreid

Some questions for sexuals on they feel about sex

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Anthracite_Impreza
3 hours ago, mreid said:

Psychoanalysis actually has the answers for that. There's always some symbolical significance behind fetishes.

Erm, cars and trains are not my fetishes, just to be clear. I love them in an appreciative/hobby kind of way, autistic special interest way and a personal, family/friend way (which is the most important to me). I was just using them as an example of something that means a lot to me that others don't "get".

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ryn2
14 minutes ago, mreid said:

I don't live in another planet. I didn't do the maths, but at a glance the majority of the people in the sample are left leaning.

If at some point you want to do the full calculation, here is the 2007 affiliation breakdown.  Both are slightly oversimplified as they don’t include very small parties.

 

As of October 2017, Gallup polling found that 31% of Americans identified as Democrat, 24% identified as Republican, and 42% as Independent.

 

But, like you said, off-topic.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I'll respond later on today, have to go to town at the moment though Y_Y (yes, I hate town).

 

1 hour ago, iff said:

The question of athiesm and belief system would make a really good topic in Philosophy, Politics and Science but let's not go further off topic in Sexual Partners, Friends & Allies

 

Please also as a general point, Remember to remain civil in your responses, and consider stepping away from a thread if it is frustrating you. 

 

iff,

moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

Regarding this though, mreid who created the thread bought up politics as an argument against what someone was saying about their sexuality (she originally said aethtiests believed in gods, then said their gods are the state). For people to defend their experience, they can't just ignore things she says 😕

 

4 hours ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said:



- actually no, I'll make a separate comment for you.

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ryn2
9 minutes ago, iff said:

The question of athiesm and belief system would make a really good topic in Philosophy, Politics and Science but let's not go further off topic in Sexual Partners, Friends & Allies

Sorry, didn’t see the update until I’d posted.  Happy to redact if needed.

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Moon Spirit ☽

@FictoVore. Cool. 😄

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
2 hours ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

Yeah seriously, you people are going after a minority group. 

YOU ARE IN THE SEXUAL PARTNERS, FRIENDS, AND ALLIES SUBFORUM! Did you not realize that?

 

Sexuals were ASKED to explain their sexuality in OUR OWN SUBFORUM and that's what we are doing. And you squeezed your way through the door and started bitching that we're going after you, when YOU'RE the one going after everyone who responds to mreid even though the topic has nothing to do with you. Grow up!!

 

2 hours ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

I'm aware that you wanted a nice group of asexuals to bully and @mreid and I just totally mess that up for all of you.

Most of us here are trying to have a discussion even though yes some of what mreid asked is very offensive for some people. It's like if sexuals started a thread asking 'Asexuals: are you SURE there's not something wrong with you for not wanting sex? Are you SURE that maybe you weren't just abused as kids?' - this is the same thing but on the other side of the fence.

 

You are most definitely going to cause this thread to get locked if you continue with your childish nonsense though and I'm pretty sure @mreid doesn't want her thread locked after having spent so much time writing out her questions to everyone. So why not take a break from the unwarranted attacks and actually start reading people's contributions here, you might learn something. Otherwise there's a whole forum with thousands of other members you can go and antagonize. We're trying to have a discussion here and you're quite literally ruining it even though it's your friend who started this thread and probably wants us to actually answer her questions. The way it's going we're all just going to get so annoyed at you that we're not going to bother answering, or the thread will get locked.  

 

@mreid I'm off to town now but like I said I'll respond to your questions when I get back.

 

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ryn2
1 hour ago, mreid said:

But you just admitted that your body is what gives rise to what makes you you, not that it is you. You just contradicted yourself.

I don’t see it that way.  All the things that comprise my body are part of me.  Again, not trying to convince you to change your own view of things.  

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
21 minutes ago, mreid said:

Ahem.

I'm waiting at the doctor's at the moment but thought I'd quickly say: I obviously don't actually think that, I was just using it as an example of sexuals utterly misunderstanding asexuality and trying to assert their knowledge over asexuals on the topic of asexuality. We have had sexual people do that on occasion in the past and obviously it upsets a lot of people. But yeah that's why this thread upset some sexual people badly, because they interpreted it like that but on the other side of the fence - an asexual asking questions that seem to imply there are things wrong with sexual people and that they're in denial about the truth of their sexuality etc. I am still happy to answer questions for the sake of others who may be interested in learning about what it feels like to be sexual, but I was just trying to clarify why some sexual people found the questions so offensive.

 

 

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Skycaptain

Locking this until the forum moderator is available 

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iff

unlocking this thread.

 

As a general point, please do not make personal insults and such. If you feel frustrated or angry with others posts, feel free to step away from the argument and to report them.

 

iff,

moderator, sexual partners, friends & allies

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Telecaster68

It's essentialist dualism vs social constructionism basically.

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
11 minutes ago, mreid said:

I just asked legit questions. Its the same as someone asking asexuals if they are autistic or mentally ill, or at least implying that. Its not necessarily patronizing or judgemental, its legit questions that occurred to me going through the threads and posts made by sexuals stating their own opinions, same way as when sexuals make assumptions based on the threads and posts made by asexuals.

 

If sexuals want to debunk stereotypes and misunderstandings about themselves, this is a good place to do it. If the things implied by my questions are so wrong, then that should be easy for you to prove. Refute my points and make me look prejudiced and ridiculous.

 

Come on, I challenge the sexuals here to do it and to debate me in a rational way. 

And as I've clearly stated (and even sent a message to the mods asking to get the thread unlocked so I could reply to you lol) I am planning on responding to everything you have asked of me. Yesterday when I went to town I locked my keys inside, so don't have access to my comp until I can get a spare copy Y_Y all these questions can't be answered on my phone due to the fact that I'll need to cut the quotes up and do a lot of editing etc, so it will just need to wait a bit longer.

 

All I was doing with the comment you've responded to here was explaining WHY some people took offense. I was explaining it to someone who clearly didn't seem to understand what the issue was. Now hopefully they understand a bit better.

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anisotrophic

@mreid Please just make the points, don't disguise it as a survey? That comes off as disrespectful.

#12 had an invalid assumption. If logic relies on bad assumptions, other points will falter. If it doesn't rely on a point, you should trim it down, clean it up.

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CBC
44 minutes ago, mreid said:

Come on, I challenge the sexuals here to do it and to debate me in a rational way. 

I'm not really sure how one can rationally debate the personal and highly individualised experience of emotional connection with another person and explain what sexual interaction adds to a relationship to people who don't get the same thing out of that experience. I'm genuinely struggling with what to say on the matter and am fully willing to admit that.

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CBC
14 minutes ago, mreid said:

Then forget I am asexuals or that asexuals are reading this and just write whatever comes to your mind and let the asexuals draw their conclusions.

Well the thing is, you don't have to explain it to other sexual people, so...

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anisotrophic
43 minutes ago, mreid said:

I think the points are clear enough, if I had made them any clearer it would sound simply accusatory, rather than sounding like I am genuinely trying to understand which I am. I tried to phrase things in a way that seemed polite to me because I dont want to make it too easy for some people to make me into a strawman.

 

Did it?

#12: It's not necessarily a sexless relationship. But let's say you meant "why stay in a relationship with a partner that cannot feel reciprocal sexual desire for you?"

 

This is my answer, it is not the answer for others. I stay for all the reasons anyone would stay in a relationship other than "needing to be desired by my partner".

Being sexual doesn't mean I require being desired, it means I experience desire. Would I like to be desired? Sure. But we don't get everything in life. I don't require his desire to feel loved, wanted (in other ways), trusted & trusting, loyal, etc.

I would probably be much more unhappy with a relationship where I couldn't sometimes experience sexual intimacy with my partner. But my partner being asexual doesn't mean he's repulsed by sex, it means he has no attraction to others and no (intrinsic) desire for sex.

 

I don't expect him to desire me and, thankfully, he doesn't want me to endure my own desire for him without sometimes fulfilling it. That he does so helps me feel loved.

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CBC

I already responded to you earlier and said that I am genuinely uncertain as to how to explain the role of sex to an asexual person, and that I've never needed to explain it to a sexual one. It's a physical and emotional intimacy, a human instinct, something that involves a huge degree of trust to be that vulnerable (and the vulnerability itself fosters closeness)... all of which I'm sure you know... that simply does not have any other parallel activity. All of the things I listed off there affect the chemicals floating round in our brains. Human beings are animals, absolutely -- and I don't mean that in a derogatory way. We're living creatures, more evolved and complex than any other. Human connection and the emotions surrounding it are very powerful things. We (sexuals) also carry all the same other traits that asexuals have. We connect in all the same ways you guys do, plus sex.

 

There's literally nothing else I can think of saying, and I'm quite certain I didn't just tell you anything of which you weren't previously aware. The individual questions you posed are pretty much all just variations on "Why sex, instead of no sex?" and it just always comes back to human instinct. Which doesn't make us any more animalistic or any less genuine and deep than asexuals. I really have little I can say that isn't just "because that's how it is".

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Guest 80814

To quote modern poets, “u wot m8?”.

 

CBC for one, has no obligation to explain or talk about herself, stop repeatedly prodding. Two as explained by her (and as most people would naturally accept)  feelings, emotion and sexuality cannot necessarily be placed into words. Three, this is the internet. Whilst AVEN is probably one of, if not the, main resource of knowledge and experiences regarding asexuality, you can find opinions and facts on sexuality in a million and one places. If you’re not getting what you need, Google it, ask Alexa about the birds and the bees, whatever.

 

49 minutes ago, mreid said:

I disagree, if anything it was more "Why sex, instead of maybe/also sex?"

I think you’re highlighting the the fact it is sex over any other activity and casting it in a bad light by default.

 

Can you explain why you like the wide assortment of food you like? Maybe you can, maybe I’m just a simpleton who would reply ‘they taste nice’. But right, it’s a thing you like, you eat it, you move on with existence, rinse repeat. You’re asking people who view something as an everyday (not literally, well maybe, I’m not prying) thing to explain the fundamentals of why they do it. Some things just are and you have to accept that. 

 

Im just talking shite and I don’t even know why I’m  here. 

 

Merry xmas.

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CBC
10 minutes ago, 80814 said:

Im just talking shite and I don’t even know why I’m  here.

You're not talking shite though, that's pretty much how it is. Also I had to check your username history the other day when you liked one of my posts, haha. Happy to see you around. :)

 

@mreid Maybe I'll write ya a poem about sex next time I smoke a bowl. ;) Honestly though, whilst I love language and enjoy reading other people's creative writing, I'm a pretty straightforward communicator myself. I've most definitely never tried to get poetic about sex. Although the person I love once described the feeling of desire as wanting to crawl into each other's souls. Neither of us actually believes in souls and objectively it sounds silly and cheesy, but it's not wrong. If souls were a thing, desiring someone is like wanting to share a part of their soul. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
3 minutes ago, CBC said:

Happy to see you around. :)

Same! @80814 we still need to watch that movie sometime ^_^ I'm locked out of my house right now though hah, hopefully soon!

 

5 minutes ago, CBC said:

desiring someone is like wanting to share a part of their soul.

Yeah, but a certain part that can only be shared in a certain way. Other parts can be shared in other ways, but sexual intimacy is a unique type of sharing. :)

 

 

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Alejandrogynous

Sex is part of you
Not of me but I don't judge
Everyone connects

 

 

There, did that clear things up.

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CBC
4 minutes ago, mreid said:

Not too fond of crawling things myself.

Yeah, that word's debatable. I have mixed feelings on it myself, but it still works. Not sure what synonym would be better.

 

And lol, I think I'm pretty coherent. We may not agree on a whole lot and I may have a style that doesn't appeal to some, but I'm fairly certain I'm not incoherent. 

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ryn2
9 minutes ago, CBC said:

Not sure what synonym would be better.

Nestle?  :D

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CBC
Just now, ryn2 said:

Nestle?  :D

Lol, my dumb ass read that as the name of the food and drink company.

 

"I love you so much, here's a chocolate bar for your soul."

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ryn2
6 minutes ago, CBC said:

Lol, my dumb ass read that as the name of the food and drink company.

 

"I love you so much, here's a chocolate bar for your soul."

*snorts*

 

I was afraid it would be read that way.  Cocoa for the soul.

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CBC
1 minute ago, ryn2 said:

*snorts*

 

I was afraid it would be read that way.  Cocoa for the soul.

Cocoa is amazing for the soul. -_- 

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Kimmie.

To the other aces in this thread: please chillout, you are trying to teach something that you don´t know anything about to people that really know what it is about. So maybe i     don´t know just sit down and listen?

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ryn2
7 hours ago, FictoVore. said:

No one is trying to shut her down. I actually actively want to properly answer her questions if I can ever get back in my house, as I've said multiple times. Stop with the victim complex.

Agreed, not trying to shut @mreid down either.  I am still trying to sort out my sexuality so I don’t feel qualified to answer the original set of questions.

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CBC
34 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

To the other aces in this thread: please chillout, you are trying to teach something that you don´t know anything about to people that really know what it is about. So maybe i     don´t know just sit down and listen?

Seems fairly reasonable, you'd think. I'm not going around telling people what it's like to be black or Jewish or schizophrenic or Australian or diabetic or an 80-year-old, because I'm none of those things. How arrogant would that be? Why is this any different?

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)
1 hour ago, chandrakirti said:

Sex? Doesn't always (or even half the time) seem to make people happier or give them the best life they could have.It's just a thing, like sneezing. At the mercy of the selfish gene, etc, etc...

 

1 hour ago, chandrakirti said:

No worries! You're excused! Maybe do some research around the stuff? Bye now. One hand clapping and stuff.

Just stop. Okay. This thread will get locked again and I still haven't been able to reply to the questions the OP has asked me.

 

Just to clarify though, we are the ones who know what it actually feels like to be sexual.. not you. This is a thread directed at sexual people and has been posted in the sexual partners/friends/allies subforum. No one asked you (an asexual) to explain how you feel about other people's sex lives in this thread. Feel free to read and learn (some sexual people have actually tried to give some legitimate answers here) but please refrain from trying to educate sexual people about how it actually feels to be sexual.

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