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thylacine

Don't Play With That!

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thylacine

Okay... I don't know if this is the right "place" to put this little commentary here, people, BUT... I feel I gotta say this...

Now, realize I am not being a prude, or judgmental, or prissy (okay, so maybe I am a little prissy) but anyway...

There is so much talk on this website about the unpleasant subject matter of "masturbation." Why do so many people talk so much on and on and on about that particular subject?

This guy (no names, since I'm not picking on anyone) introduced himself and told about his life as an asexual, which is cool, but then went on for like several paragraphs about THAT! :shock:

What? Can't you talk about collecting stamps? Bird watching? Star Trek conventions, even?

I am not, once again -- I am NOT being judgmental -- but I just don't see it as necessary to talk in such great detail about such personal stuff.

I mean, you don't see people go on and on about tampon usage, or personal odor issues, or flossing the nasty food particles out of your gumline and what each nasty little green food particle looked like when you caught it, and you don't go on about "bathroom" stuff, right? :roll:

I dunno. I just don't see those discussions as being that enlightening. Maybe people should bake cookies instead of doing THAT! Or do productive things... do the laundry, wash the car, mop the floor, feed the cat, anything seems like it would be more fun than THAT!

Like, I'm not offended. But lately every time someone sends an intro I go to read it and it's like, oh here they go again about THAT stuff again... puke.

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Jesh

thing is, a lot of people ask about it. a few of us were actually talking about this today at the NYC meetup-- if you walked up to a stranger on the street and started asking them if they masturbate, when they do it, what they think of when they do, you'd probably get hit in the face. but with us, it's probably one of the most common questions.

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henrik

I have a nasty feeling that you're referring to me and my introduction. Even if you did, I have to say that I agree with you. The thing just is that this is an open forum to talk about our common sexual orientation, right? And in that respect that part of introduction becomes relevant. I also talked about it because I was still looking for a confirmation that I can call myself asexual even if I do it. It is a sensitive issue and I felt repulsed writing it. I just felt that I needed to get it out there to get acceptance, and an answer. And it was only one part of my introduction that I kept seperate from the other general introductory message.

But yes, I agree. We should talk about other things as well. I don't like to read descriptions of anything relating the private bits of the body, I'm repulsed by it. But my simple solution is that I skip that part of the introduction and jump back in to where the other things become the main issue.

Darn, I wish there were Star Trek conventions in Finland. I'd definately attend since I'm a huge fan and active in the Virtual Trek Series communities.

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Brodertun
What? Can't you talk about collecting stamps? Bird watching? Star Trek conventions, even?

Considering these are introductory posts on an asexual site it woul dbe highly irregular to post about collecting stamps, bird watching, or star trek conventions, but its quite reasonable to mention masturbation.

Masturbation is related to our self discovering - for some its like, I thought because I liked this, taht I must like sex, but now I see that's wrong.In my intro I think I related what I did do and waht i didn't and then went on to describe how I felt that made me asexual

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spinneret
. . .I mean, you don't see people go on and on about tampon usage. . .

:D Actually, last month I started two threads about menstruation (attitudes, and product use) in the Census forum, and had a good PM discussion with a newish member interested in learning more about menstrual cups. :lol:

As asexuals, we're struggling to define ourselves. A lot of newcomers aren't sure what's "normal" or "accepted" or whatever, and so the topic of masturbation comes up. It's too bad you can't see it coming in some intro posts, but you can mostly skip it in the general threads. I think it's novel that people can talk openly about masturbation here. It's a sign to me of how comfortable a place this is that people feel safe enough to discuss masturbation, arousal, fetishes, etc. Of course, we stick around for the bird-watching stamp-collecting Trekkie conversations ;)

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sonofzeal
As asexuals, we're struggling to define ourselves. A lot of newcomers aren't sure what's "normal" or "accepted" or whatever, and so the topic of masturbation comes up. It's too bad you can't see it coming in some intro posts, but you can mostly skip it in the general threads. I think it's novel that people can talk openly about masturbation here. It's a sign to me of how comfortable a place this is that people feel safe enough to discuss masturbation, arousal, fetishes, etc. Of course, we stick around for the bird-watching stamp-collecting Trekkie conversations ;)

I completely agree. The central focus of this site is on issues of sexuality, and one expression of that is masturbation, so it's going to come up frequently. And given how personal of a topic it is, the fact that people feel comfortable talking about it is a good sign as to how open this community is.

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Wee_Little_Me

*jaw drops*

holy shit

you did not just write that

Tell me something, have you ever farted infront of everyone? Even family, have you even farted infront of family?

have you always been this caught up on whats 'proper' and 'apropriate'?! Who are you to judge any way? For your information I DO go on about tampon usage.

And I dont mean to be judgemental - though i know i am here - but where the hell do you get off on 'knowing' where the line is? Dont like it, dont read it. At the VERY LEAST its freedom of speach. Not to mention you have NO right telling someone when theyve said something inaprpriate and shouldnt be speaking any more. No offence but person A expressing something and person B telling them theyre wrong purly because person B's opinions is not something thats going to give others a good impression of you. Oh yes you have every right to express your hatred for the topic and disgust in the person, but Im just shocked that your restraint lies in what person A said and that you feel its perfectly apropraite for you to express what you just did.

Personally i think it needs to be the other way around. Get over this fear you have with discussing sexual intimacy. If your going to claim to be asexual at least know what it is your rejecting. No really, KNOW it. Not just "oh yeah i learned in sex ed so no i dont like it". At this point it just looks like you have a fear, rather than knowledge on your sexuality. Are you asexual by defult? Because the alternative sickens you?

Guess what? I find there is very little in this world more beautiful than someone masterbating. I dont know the pychology behind it and you can try to annalyze me up down and every-which way - no offence but I wont put much marrit in your annalysis on me in this situation - but I cant help it if I think its georgious to see someone pleasure themselves. I personally dont masterbate simply because I dont get any pleasure from it, but Im very happy for someone if they can and they do.

And i dont think you should be discouraging it because you have an unwarrented fear.

I think it's novel that people can talk openly about masturbation here. It's a sign to me of how comfortable a place this is that people feel safe enough to discuss masturbation, arousal, fetishes, etc.

:)

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Derp

Wee, you don't have to be afraid of something to not want to hear about it. People do #2 roughly every day (barring medical problems, of course), so they're obviously not afraid of that, but it doesn't mean we have to hear frequent and graphic details about it, either. Not without a "TMI" warning or somesuch, anyway.

Having said that, I suppose any topic will annoy somebody if it's shoved in their faces enough. So calm down and have a purple banana: nanner.gif :lol:

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bard of aven

Masturbation has a relevancy to asexuality that defecation lacks.

boa

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Derp

True, but it's surprising how often the latter's come up here. :?

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ghosts

I don't see it as all that surprising.. I think it's great that people here can talk about it openly if they need to. I would think that plenty of asexuals can be confused about whether or not they're asexual because they masturbate, regardless of what the FAQ says, or past threads have said. So, discussion's a good way to explore an issue.

But I can also understand being uncomfortable reading about it all the time. ;)

Having said that, I suppose any topic will annoy somebody if it's shoved in their faces enough.

Quite true. I can think of some different topics that come up that can annoy me sometimes. :lol:

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Silly Green Monkey

Hey Henrik, did you ever spend time in the chat room of startrek.com?

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henrik
Hey Henrik, did you ever spend time in the chat room of startrek.com?

No, I'm afraid I haven't. I spend most of my Trek side of life in www.virtualstartrek.com where I'm a writer for a couple of fan series.

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thylacine

Okay, I am not picking on people's personal stuff here. I just sometimes feel like I'm listening in on a conversations that teenage boys might have or something...

And, no I'm not "afraid" of that stuff, I just don't see the use of it, that's all. No, I'm not asexual by default, whatever that means. I'm just not interested in sex with anybody, especially myself.

And this is not to insult anyone, okay? I just think sometimes that people talk so much on and on and on about this thing... I really don't care what people do in their free time. Further, I am not expressing "hatred" or "disgust" in any person. (I try very hard to not "fart" in front of people... if I feel the "air" coming, I walk a distance away from people so they don't suffocate. This is only common decency to do so!)

You say I have "no right" but what about my "freedom of speech?" I'm surprised at the rage exhibited here -- I was just making a comment that people talk an awful lot about this "delicate subject matter" & expected people to think about that comment and be like grown ups.

The way I was brought up, people didn't talk about unpleasant stuff. People spoke politely & did not use a lot of curse words, and if people spoke that way it meant they were not the types that "decent" people associated with, & so on, and etc... (this is not stuck up, it's the way things were.)

Many of you in this online community are probably younger than I am, and you are used to talking raunchy. This generation is just used to the Jerry Springer attitude, talk openly & talk grossly & go ahead & say anything and everything... !

When I was a kid, "if you didn't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." And that's the way young people were brought up then.

Many years ago people did not discuss these things, that's all, or at least "nice" people did not...

I'm just surprised at the angry reaction right now. Okay, if yah wanna talk about that stuff go ahead! I'm just saying it doesn't fascinate me like it does some other people.

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thylacine

Oh, and Henrik, you seem like a very nice person even if you do that thing... so I just also wanted to say that you are a nice person and a fine addition to the club.

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cijay

I'm not intrested in posts about people masturbating, so I simply don't read them. If it's in their intro, I don't read the intro. I don't feel it should be 'halted' here just because this is an asexual site, I just know which threads in which I really have nothing to say.

To me, describing masturbation (as opposed to just say "I do it") is like "cyberexhibitionist" where they have to go about it. (Not pickin on anyone becuse I have NO idea who does and doesn't because, like I said, I don't read them.)

I think the mention of Star Trek, video games, anime and a zillion other topics come up here all the time, I just have no place in them but I don't think anyone should stop posting about the above just because I don't like them.

Nobody makes anyone read any thread they don't like.

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ghosts
The way I was brought up, people didn't talk about unpleasant stuff. People spoke politely & did not use a lot of curse words, and if people spoke that way it meant they were not the types that "decent" people associated with, & so on, and etc... (this is not stuck up, it's the way things were.)

Hm... Well, perhaps some people here just don't view it as unpleasant. I think there's a difference between the way you hear kids on a bus talking about sexual stuff vs. the way people on this board talk about it. Not raunchy, but intelligent discussion as a way to explore various issues that affect us.

I mean, I don't think I talk grossly or anything, but since coming to this board I've felt like I can speak more openly about sexuality- even masturbation & other kinda-taboo-ish topics. I guess for me it feels liberating. :)

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jaybird721
Oh, and Henrik, you seem like a very nice person even if you do that thing... so I just also wanted to say that you are a nice person and a fine addition to the club.

That comes off as sort of judgemental... I don't think whether or not someone masturbates [or whether or not they tell us, in an appropriate setting, of course] is a definition of their character and integrety.

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spinneret

thylacine, please don't think Wee_Little_Me speaks for all the "younger" crowd here. Her response was as usual crude, offensive, and unnecessary.

I do think it's good that people feel safe talking about sensitive subjects here. But the fact that I think so does NOT invalidate your own opinions.

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Rabger

I agree with you, but at the same time it gets mentioned so much because its a type of sexual act, and people want to know if someone does it, if they are still asexual. Or, they want to explain how they are still physically capable, so there isn't a medical issue involved.

It does seem to get talked about an unusual amount here. Even more than it needs to be, since we end up talking in details about it over and over and over again. I assume this is because new members always come around asking the same questions. Still, sometimes I wonder how we're coming off when people first come look at the site. Like we're obsessed with our own genitalia, even when many of us don't do it to start with.

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thylacine

Thanks, Spinneret, that makes me feel better. Most of the people who gravitate around here are nice people, really. And they argue less than on other websites!

And I'm sorry if some people felt that I meant they "shouldn't" say stuff. I guess I was just commenting on the frequency of the subject coming up.

Yeah, Rabger, I agree & that's what I've been saying... it gets talked about an unusual amount.

And no I'm not being judgmental on anyone, okay? Sheesh, I'm getting misunderestimated around here. I'm getting treated like I was as bad as the president or something!

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Rabger
I'm getting treated like I was as bad as the president or something!

I don't think you could possibly fuck up that bad.

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Octarine
I agree with you, but at the same time it gets mentioned so much because its a type of sexual act, and people want to know if someone does it, if they are still asexual. Or, they want to explain how they are still physically capable, so there isn't a medical issue involved.

It does seem to get talked about an unusual amount here. Even more than it needs to be, since we end up talking in details about it over and over and over again. I assume this is because new members always come around asking the same questions.

Pretty much what I was gonig to say. Masturbation is one of the first thing a masturbating, questioning asexual usually thinks about. "Wait, am I still asexual?" and I guess it just gets asked over and over again by newbies, because it's something people worry about.

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Crystal1

It's something I was once asked point-blank by a guy who was interested in me but it didn't work with because, well.. I didn't feel likewise.

How do you even respond to that??

But yeah, it does come up when someone realizes you don't want to have sex with them and generally go without it.

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Desert_Rose

This entire board does kind of get a bit personal....

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sonofzeal
It's something I was once asked point-blank by a guy who was interested in me but it didn't work with because, well.. I didn't feel likewise.

How do you even respond to that??

But yeah, it does come up when someone realizes you don't want to have sex with them and generally go without it.

A slap in the face usually gets the message across.

As to in the context of asexuality - there's no need to go personal there, just talk about what's common in the asexual community. Some don't, but some do, and it doesn't make them any less asexual.

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