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Aromantic Asexual - No relationship thread.


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52 minutes ago, Gingergiggles said:

Yeah I just...absolutely cannot comprehend it from any perspective except scientific. They're engaging in pair bonding. Ok, we're a social species with high demand young that need multiple care givers, makes sense. Monogamy? I can't even spell it but that's Mate-guarding, it Guarantees that males are only investing resources in their own genetic offspring. A little archaic for such a social, group-evolution-y species and I have more trouble with it but ok. Polyamory? Very good child rearing strategy and yealds more genetic-diversity. But it seems very complicated to maintain. Cheating on partners? People are clearly very hurt by this so it seems shitty, but pseudo-monogamy is also practices by a lot of song birds and has all the benefits of monogamy plus greater genetic diversity so I see where the behavior stems from. Like I feel like an alien studding gorillas but I can't reconcile rational human intelligence with this wild ass nonsense behavior any other way. 

And having friends is also biological in this same sense - having a community working together to survive increases cances of survival. The point of survival? Passing on your genetics and keeping the species alive. The purpose of wanting to be liked by your peers or even caring what other people think of you at all? Because less internal conflict better preserves the social group, which in turn gives more longevity to the human race at large. So is that all there is to platonic relationships? Otherwise every social relationship we have is "wild ass nonsense" that can't be "reconciled [with] rational human intelligence”? I think I have to disagree.

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Gingergiggles

@Tunes

Yeah? Exactly? All human behavior is biological. Being social is of huge evolutionary benefit. You disagree with what, exactly? That this is the way I have to understand a behavior I've never experienced? To my perspective, its completely wild ass nonsense. And I can't wrap my head around why anyone would do it, especially since it usually goes badly for them and then they just keep doing it over and over. But then I remember that its an evolved behavior that serves a purpose and it suddenly makes sense. Like how most people have an innate fear of spiders, regardless of how harmless most spiders are, and I just don't. But I know they're not being deliberately irrational, its just that its a lot more efficient for an ape (which evolved in a place with a lot of dangerous spiders) to just avoid all spiders rather than learn to identify individual species. Stopping to think about why other people do things is a good empathy exercise. 

 

Like, I'm not saying it is nonsense, that's just how I feel. This is a thread about how aromatics feel the desire for relationships. Whats ur point exactly? 

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Hm. I suppose what I’m upset with is that I feel like you’re claiming that this biological drive is all there is to it. I believe there is quite a lot of rational human intelligence involved, even when they repeatedly make the same mistakes. It’s not a biological drive that makes them not realize that there is a problem. It’s more a misdiagnosis of what the exact cause of the problem is. It’s very much a rational and intelligent process, even when problems arise more than once. Yes, the basic need may stem from biological factors, but the actions that we take include both those factors and rational intelligence. My being asexual and thus being unable to comprehend sexual drives (as frustrating as this lack of understanding can be) doesn’t lead me to conclude that their actions are irrational and just instinctive responses to biological impulses. Yes, there are biological impulses, but responses are not just instinctive - they involve quite a lot of intelligent thought. I guess that’s what I disagree with. 

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Also, sorry if my response offended you in any way. That’s not my intention. I was a bit rattled by (what I understood as) your claim, because I feel upset by the idea of well thought out choices (whether good or bad) being reduced to mere instinctive responses (which, whether I misunderstood or not, was what I *thought* you were saying), but I didn’t mean to direct that toward you personally and I didn’t want to undermine you emotionally either. I apologize if it came across that way. 

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To Each Their Own
On September 28, 2018 at 8:12 AM, Spoiled Boy said:

I'd like to hear from other aro ace people who aren't in a relationships; How do you view peoples relationships? Do you ever want to be in one? 

 

I don't have any interest of having a relationship and i tend to see other peoples love life as just... Biological thing? Like it dosen't have any spiritural meaning or bonding, it just nature doing it's job. Let it be platonic or nonplatonic one.

 

I think here is good to note that i don't devalue their importance of the relationship, this is just what i think in my head and let people do what they do. 

 

Feel absolute freedom to say everything that you think about these things.

I don’t have any desire for a romantic relationship...I don’t see the point. Neither do I have a desire to help raise other people’s offspring.

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^^ this was shared here around a month ago, it really is a fantastic talk and basically my raison d'être. It's the lifestyle choice (or maybe more than a choice if I'm ace) that brought me to this forum. Society still has a long way to go to accept people who are genuinely happy but have no interest in intimacy or relationships, whatever their orientation or reasons for being this way. You don't need another half if you are already a whole.

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