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Am I asexual?


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Hey guys! I'm a 19 years old girl and I identify as bisexual...ish. I'm not that into men.

It feels very weird to be talking about this kind of stuff, because it feels very personal and I never talked to anyone about these aspects of my sexuality. Also, I'd like to point out that I'm not completely fluent in english, so please excuse some errors I might commit.

 

So, I've been familiar with the term "asexual" for a really long time, but all this time I thought being asexual meant not wanting to have sex. Only recently I found out that it actually means not experiencing sexual ATTRACTION. I also found out that an asexual person might still feel like having sex, or masturbate, or feel sexual attraction to someone once in a while, and still be asexual. So that's when I started feeling doubts about my sexuality, specially after I found out about the "gray asexuality" thing.

 

I always felt like everyone else around me was more interested in sex than I was, and that made me feel really bad. I felt like there was something wrong with me. But it wasn't like I was uninterested in sex, it was just that I would spend really long periods of time without thinking about it/wanting to have sex. And then I'd have some long periods of thinking about sex all the time. But the thing I always thought it was weird, was that most of the time I wouldn'y enjoy the thought of ME having sex with people. When I think about sex, or feel like marstubating, what really turns me on are sexual scenarios that DO NOT involve me having sex. I get turned on by imagining certain people having sex in certain situations and it really arouses me, but when I try to imagine myself having sex with someone, as attractive as I think that person is, I just get bored really quickly. Sometimes it's quite frustating. 

 

 So after I found out about the actual meaning of asexuality, I started thinking about my life experiences, and I realized I always had "trouble" finding people sexually attractive. I'd be like "Oh, I have a giant crush on this person" or "I really like this person", but I just couldn't enjoy the idea of having sex with them, which always frustated me, because I thought that was how a person would naturally feel if they like/have a crush on someone. Doesn't mean I never felt sexually attracted to someone, tho. It just doesn't happen very often. Right now there is only one person in my life I want to have sex with. Sometimes I find myself quite "desperate" to have sex with her, cause it's like "I don't know how long it's gonna take for me to find another person I'll want to have sex with, so can we please do it????" lol But we'ne not even that close, so I wouldn't say I'm demisexual.

 

I know in the end it's up to me to decide if I'm going to identify as (gray) asexual. But I think I could really use someone's help. I'm totally lost here. So, would you identify these as a gray asexual's experiences? Thanks for your help!

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That kind of sounds like both graysexual and autochorrisexual. I don't think the formal definition of autochorrisexual makes sense, though, so you may want to watch a video or something, they tend to make more sense and go into more detail. Sorry if this wasn't much help!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yeah, it's still debated whether autochorissexual is even a thing, because autochorissexual is a type of gray-asexual, but normal asexuals can still be aroused by fantasies (especially that don't involve themselves), because arousal is not the same thing as attraction. So the debate is around whether that arousal is in response to sexual attraction or not. And that's a tough question to answer... 

 

But yeah. Generally, if you innately desire to have sex with someone (for the sake of getting sexual pleasure, not for external reasons related to circumstance), then you are not asexual, regardless of whether you get physically aroused and regardless of whether or not you fantasize. But if that sexual attraction only shows itself on rare/odd circumstances, you count as gray-asexual. 

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