Thereal_JohnWayne

Hello/Demisexuality

Recommended Posts

Thereal_JohnWayne

Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself.  I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now.  I was almost positive that I was a normal sexual person untill about seven years ago when my sudden attraction for the opposite sex sort of flatlined and I started to find both men and women asthetiically attractive but with no extreme sexual desire behind it.  Now, I feel like  I was normal, but now feel what seems like very asexual.  According to my research, It doesn't look like theres much of a possibility of this happening.  Except if I am demisexual, which I have recently proven to my self.  It's just wierd to me that something like this could happen.  I was wondering if anyone had any type of experience like this.  Anyway, I appreciate the fact that their may be more people like me around and looking to meeting all of you.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
MichaelTannock

@Thereal_JohnWayne Welcome to AVEN!

 

In my case, I've only experienced aesthetic attraction to another person once in my entire life, I'm now 33, and have never experienced sexual attraction.

 

10.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Enzic

Welcome to AVEN

 

unicorn-face-cake-new.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Deus Ex Infinity
1 hour ago, Thereal_JohnWayne said:

Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself.  I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now.  I was almost positive that I was a normal sexual person untill about seven years ago when my sudden attraction for the opposite sex sort of flatlined and I started to find both men and women asthetiically attractive but with no extreme sexual desire behind it.  Now, I feel like  I was normal, but now feel what seems like very asexual.  According to my research, It doesn't look like theres much of a possibility of this happening.  Except if I am demisexual, which I have recently proven to my self.  It's just wierd to me that something like this could happen.  I was wondering if anyone had any type of experience like this.  Anyway, I appreciate the fact that their may be more people like me around and looking to meeting all of you.  

Welcome to AVEN Thereal!

 

It's great to have you here :) It took more than 18 years for me to finally figure my true identity as demi-/greysexual. Joining AVEN was a major step on the way! I seriously doubt that it would have been possible without the support of all those wonderful people here, making me feel safe and accepted for the very first time in my life ❤️

 

So, I hope you'll enjoy your stay too!

 

caramel_mirror_cake_main.jpg

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Marlow1
On 9/27/2018 at 7:39 PM, Thereal_JohnWayne said:

Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself.  I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now.  I was almost positive that I was a normal sexual person untill about seven years ago when my sudden attraction for the opposite sex sort of flatlined and I started to find both men and women asthetiically attractive but with no extreme sexual desire behind it.  Now, I feel like  I was normal, but now feel what seems like very asexual.  According to my research, It doesn't look like theres much of a possibility of this happening.  Except if I am demisexual, which I have recently proven to my self.  It's just wierd to me that something like this could happen.  I was wondering if anyone had any type of experience like this.  Anyway, I appreciate the fact that their may be more people like me around and looking to meeting all of you.  

 

Yes something like this did happen to me

 

My story is very long and a bit complicated and I am not going to have the space here to explain everything but my old posts do go into more detail. If you want to know anything else please feel free to ask

 

I was born with Total Aphantasia, and my experiences with this indicate that the Total Aphatasia limits my ability to just look at people and to decide if I am sexually atttacted to them or not. (Please see my profile if you want to know more about what Aphantasia means)

 

http://www.vice.co./end_us/article/kwkeay/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

 

Even when I know people well and even very much like their personality etc, sexual attraction does not occur for me. It has to be a set of very specific circumstances that even begin to open up this possibility for me

 

Now you asked, if any of us here ever appeared to be a normal sexual and then at a later time, say for several yearsor so, have we ended up in a situation more like what an Asexual person experiences? Yes for me this did happen. 

 

Following a brain hemhorrage I lost my attraction to my wife. I had no attraction to anybody and I felt perfectly fine with this. Everything about my thoughts, feelings, attitude, behaviour etc had switched back to the Asexual position that I was in before I met my wife and I saw nothing unusual in this. My wife did though!!

 

Before I had had my brain hemhorrage my wife new I was attracted to her. She also new I had no interest in other women, that I did not get crushes on celebrities, that I did not watch porn and so on. What she never new was that the reason why I did not do these things was because I literally had no attraction at all to these people. It was only when I lost my attraction to her that she began to question these things

 

Now, I think you probably know that in the world of sexuals, if your partner looses sexual attraction to you this usually means that the relationship is in deep trouble, and that the person on the receiving end of this tends to take all this very personally, as a cruel form of rejection, that the love has died, that their partner may have had an affair or something like this. This is what my wife went through, and a lot more, since at the time when all this was going on she was my main carer.

 

A long story short, she became increasingly anxious and increasingly sexual, to the point of hypersexuality. And it was because of all this we ended up in relationship therapy

 

Argument, after argument ensued, as my wife, who believed I was a normal sexual, accused me of everything under the sun, that you would possibly suspect was going on in a normal sexual relationship where this kind of thing occurs.

 

I would repeatedly tell my wife, and the therapist, there is no way to that I would do any of those things she is suggesting, (I did not even know what half of them were), and I repeatedly told my wife, that even without the sex, I loved her dearly, that it was not important to me, that our relationship was more than just sex. I thought I was reassuring her, but the more I said these things the more distrested she became....She was getting ready to leave!!

 

Anyway, she did not leave, and in addition to this, I am now back attracted to her.

 

It has taken a lot of work, a lot of commitment and a lot of research for my wife and I to heal our marriage and we are still healing. AVEN has been an enormous help. Reading the post here has helped my wife and I develop a language where we can now communicate and understand each other. 

 

The other two main things that have helped are finding a relationship therapist that believes Asexuality and Demisexuality exists, and both of us ate using the GAPs/KETO Protocol to improve brain function

 

My wife also now knows that not all folk can and do experience sexual attraction just by looking at people, or even really liking their personalities, not even being in love might not be enough, believe me, I never stopped loving my wife. It is specific circumstances that make it possible for me to be attracted to my wife, and to my wife only

 

If you want to know anything else, please just ask

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hecate
On 9/27/2018 at 7:39 PM, Thereal_JohnWayne said:

Hi. I just wanted to introduce myself.  I've been struggling with my sexuality for quite a while now.  I was almost positive that I was a normal sexual person untill about seven years ago when my sudden attraction for the opposite sex sort of flatlined and I started to find both men and women asthetiically attractive but with no extreme sexual desire behind it.  Now, I feel like  I was normal, but now feel what seems like very asexual.  According to my research, It doesn't look like theres much of a possibility of this happening.  Except if I am demisexual, which I have recently proven to my self.  It's just wierd to me that something like this could happen.  I was wondering if anyone had any type of experience like this.  Anyway, I appreciate the fact that their may be more people like me around and looking to meeting all of you.  

Hello! 

 

I guess the way life can take a turn presents you with new things for good or ill.

 

In my case I think the combination of being on SSRIs, two relationships that ended to a lot of upset for me and just general introspection on myself and what makes me tick on many levels was how I ended up here. 

 

SSRIs can kill your libido and I'd gone through some huge changes in my life in the past couple of years. I loved somebody who didn't love me back and after that somebody just pretty much abandoned me with no reasoning, no contact. I haven't exactly been lucky in relationships but when I was looking back and being critical of myself I found I really felt genuinely attracted to one of them, the one I loved and had an emotional connection to. Even the one after that it was pretty dead in sexual attraction really. It was kind of hard to realise that but not having a libido for a while and then to have it back as well as being in such an objective mindset helped me understand. So it wasn't all bad. Tbh I think more people if they were honest with themselves would probably find they are demisexual on some degree. It's just the way dating and relationships are perceived broadly, sex is expected more and sooner than I am comfortable with. I don't get how people can form an idea of somebody so quickly, yet I was doing that before. It can take me a while to really know somebody as I have found and people aren't as patient.

 

So yeah there are people with somewhat similar experiences as you. Just people think they are broken or weird in some way rather than just having different needs. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now