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I hate the new BBC3 asexuality documentary!


yazybee

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Yep, I just joined and now I'm causing drama. xD

 

Maybe you've seen the new BBC3 documentary on asexuality called "I Don't Want Sex" as part of their Sex Map of Britain series: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnuOEbLio5A

 

I made an appearance in it after corresponding with BBC3 for a while, as did others at the UK Asexuality Conference, but I am horrified at how the documentary has turned out. I'll be writing to publications to share my views on it and I'm already talking to another large LGBT news organisation. This is now how I wanted to start Asexuality Awareness Month. If you want to see why I hated it so much, please watch this video. I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I'm curious to see what others took from this supposed 'documentary.'

 

 

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I haven't seen this documentary yet, but I'm sorry the producers didn't listen to the people at the conference. It sounds like we still have a ways to go in representing the diversity of asexuality, including representing aromantics.

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Won't lie, doesn't shock me that the BBC spun it out this way, but (as a white millennial) I super agree there needs to be way more representation. Also, one of my old jobs was in a fetishwear shop - I'd totally let them film me in someplace like that to upset them for my lack of not being phased. Asses. 

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everywhere and nowhere

I haven't seen the documentary, but as for the title - well, personally I have nothing against it. To me "not wanting sex" is an important part of my experience as a sex-averse asexual.

Btw, your T-shirt is nice indeed, but not really for me. First, I'd never wear a T-shirt which doesn't cover the abdomen - no way, not all aces are cute. My abdomen is fat and covered with small allergy scars in form of skin discolorations. And I'm not even into sushi rolls. ;) I mean, I don't eat any meat, including fish, and vegetarian sushi is not my thing either because it's made with vinegar rice and the smell of vinegar immediately induces a gag reflex in me. 🤢 But you look very nice, absolutely (though I'm also not into vlogs and when having contact with content which can't be read, only listened to, I simultaneously solve puzzles. ;) But I've taken a look of course and you have a nice style).

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This here should be considered deleted.

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Yea, seems like a very shallow program. I'm guessing they wanted to appeal to mass audience and ended up just making it very lighthearted as a result. (Or the director just doesn't know how to make anything less shallow) Which is a shame, they turned it into a dating program. 

 

That is NOT the way I want to be represented. Sure I am young and white, but the program focuses on the wrong things, and doesn't show aromatic, demiromatic and other side of things. They didn't show: 1. People who don't want dates 2. People who are sex repulsed (probably ignored those people because they it would seem less weird that they can't get dates!) 3. Older aces and as you said, more diversity

 

I think, if they wanted to make a short piece on Asexuality they should interview a couple people representing a wide range of experiences: young and old, alloromantic and aromantic, different ethnicity. Don't ask them weird questions and bring them into a sex shop and try to see if they get turned on. Do talk to them about their experiences of isolation in culture and representation in the media, their day to day experiences. 

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21 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I haven't seen the documentary, but as for the title - well, personally I have nothing against it. To me "not wanting sex" is an important part of my experience as a sex-averse asexual.

 

I totally understand what you're saying here, but I also totally understand what @yazybee is saying - mostly because to title it as such, wouldn't necessarily bring it up for someone google searching asexuality. It could have worked as a subtitle, but just as it is on its own, defines us as people who don't want sex - and we don't, but I agree with the point that it makes us sound more abstinent/celibate and therefore could lead to misconceptions. 

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@yazybee

 

Hi! Another black aromantic asexual here! I'm American and we don't hear much about BBC media over here, so I'm pretty happy you made this video (and for you being an ace YouTuber in general), honestly, if you didn't make this video....I wouldn't have seen this at all, and I definitely wouldn't have thought this documentary was about asexuality with a title like "I don't want sex". It's sounds amazing to have seen so many variation of aces in real life, but a total slap in the face to have white kids still represent asexuality.

 

I don't even think BBC knows what asexuality is if they made up that clickbaity disrespectful title on a documentary that's supposed to show what asexuality really is and what it looks like, because I think people would be more confused than ever if they were finding out about asexuality for the first time, which is really sad considering....documentaries are supposed to....educate people. But you know, views are most important.

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I don't have any real opinion on the documentary so I'm not actively defending it, but just to throw some thoughts into the mix:

 

I could be wrong, but when I was asked to participate (I declined btw) I'm 99% sure they said it was a programme specifically about asexual dating. Maybe someone else who was contacted could weigh in here.

 

If that is true and/or if people (who didn't feature in the programme, but spoke to the producers and such) were asked to talk about what it's like to be an asexual on the dating scene, perhaps this idea of asexual dating being futile is just the impression they were left with and the story they wanted to tell. It's certainly the sentiment I'd expect from the various communities I've been involved with.

 

Maybe they also weren't looking in the right places to find successful bankers and models who had managed to find love elsewhere (i.e. not online), people of various races (a quick search of local members on Acebook returns almost exclusively young white people), etc.

 

I do disagree that it's inappropriate to ask an asexual person about their masturbatory and porn habits in a situation where said asexual person has agreed (in a roundabout kind of way) to talk about their orientation and sex life and such. For me, they're natural and reasonable questions for people to have.

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Spoiler

 

This is the Season 2: Episode 4 of Sex Map Of Britain | I Don't Want Sex: Asexual & Looking For Love Spoilered for minor graphic content and scenes that which some may find triggering.  Hopefully it's accessible to other regions other than UK.

 

To me its OK in a few ways, though it feels like it paints the picture of asexuals having too much problems that directly conflict with the social dating world, to this affect it's an unfair portrayal to me and one that missed it's potential.  The positive is visibility toward the end, the positive outcome of meeting other asexuals.

 

 

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Steph_Catherine
1 hour ago, little fish said:

Don't ask them weird questions and bring them into a sex shop and try to see if they get turned on.

I got weirded out that they took him to a sex shop!! Made me uncomfortable for him

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They turned a good idea into a puff pieces for ratings. I have seen 10 minute videos with more educational value on Asexuality than this BBC infomercial.

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At 9 minutes 40 seconds (of your video): Asexuality is synonymous with not wanting sex though 😛 Asexuality means you don't desire sexual intimacy with other people, which is why dating and relationships can be so incredibly hard for asexual people (and their sexual partners!). Sex is the crux of the issue when it comes to ace dating, so I personally can see why they took that angle for the title if they wanted to make a piece about romantic asexual dating.. if that makes sense? :)

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3 minutes ago, Steph_Catherine said:

I got weirded out that they took him to a sex shop!! Made me uncomfortable for him

But the thing is....even some sexuals don't go in sex shops because it's uncomfortable.... it's not a unique experience to asexuals... And there are probably aces who would be comfortable in a sex shop, but....they chose not to represent accurately...

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9 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

At 9 minutes 40 seconds (of your video): Asexuality is synonymous with not wanting sex though 😛 Asexuality means you don't desire sexual intimacy with other people, which is why dating and relationships can be so incredibly hard for asexual people (and their sexual partners!). Sex is the crux of the issue when it comes to ace dating, so I personally can see why they took that angle for the title if they wanted to make a piece about romantic asexual dating.. if that makes sense? :)

"I don't want sex"...if you saw that titled on a video, you would think it's about celibate people, not asexuals...that's the problem, there's hardly anything about this that describes the unique experiences of aces, just the stereotype of "socially awkward white kids" who are celibate/abstinent- that's the way people will perceive asexuality even if that's not true... 

 

There are some asexuals who want sex to make their partners happy, even if it's not personal desire.

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Alejandrogynous
4 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

At 9 minutes 40 seconds (of your video): Asexuality is synonymous with not wanting sex though 😛 Asexuality means you don't desire sexual intimacy with other people, which is why dating and relationships can be so incredibly hard for asexual people (and their sexual partners!). Sex is the crux of the issue when it comes to ace dating, so I personally can see why they took that angle for the title if they wanted to make a piece about romantic asexual dating.. if that makes sense? :)

Asexuality means not wanting sex, but not wanting sex doesn't necessarily mean asexuality. I think that's the point they were getting at? If the title is "I Don't Want Sex", it could be a documentary about celibacy or sex phobia or any number of things, so the documentary title is, firstly, unclear on what it's about, and secondly, going to be a lot harder for people researching actual asexuality to find if asexuality isn't even a keyword in the title.

 

I haven't watched the documentary so I can't say much more than that. I might at some point later on.

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1 minute ago, The Dryad said:

"I don't want sex"...if you saw that titled on a video, you would think it's about celibate people, not asexuals.

Celibate people may want sex, but choose not to have it. The title says asexual to me more than it says celibate - of course, that may be because I am asexual and don't want sex. :) 

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51 minutes ago, daveb said:

Celibate people may want sex, but choose not to have it. The title says asexual to me more than it says celibate - of course, that may be because I am asexual and don't want sex. :) 

I agree with you, but if you had never heard of asexuality before, wouldn't you think asexuality was a choice, since the title is "I don't want sex", especially with the mainstream idea of celibacy, wouldn't it have been more clear if they worded it by not being sexually attracted to people, since there are aces who do have sex, and technically want to have sex even if it's to please their partners, regardless of personal desire/wants.

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38 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

"I don't want sex"...if you saw that titled on a video, you would think it's about celibate people, not asexuals...that's the problem, there's hardly anything about this that describes the unique experiences of aces, just the stereotype of "socially awkward white kids" who are celibate/abstinent- that's the way people will perceive asexuality even if that's not true... 

 

There are some asexuals who want sex to make their partners happy, even if it's not personal desire.

 

35 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

If the title is "I Don't Want Sex", it could be a documentary about celibacy or sex phobia or any number of things, so the documentary title is, firstly, unclear on what it's about, and secondly, going to be a lot harder for people researching actual asexuality to find if asexuality isn't even a keyword in the title.

 

I haven't watched the documentary so I can't say much more than that. I might at some point later on.

 

28 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

I agree with you, but if you had never heard of asexuality before, wouldn't you think asexuality was a choice, since the title is "I don't want sex", especially with the mainstream idea of celibacy, wouldn't it have been more clear if they worded it by not being sexually attracted to people, since there are aces who do have sex, and techniy want to have sex even if it's to please their partners, regardless of personal desire/wants.

The Title of the video is

 

I Don't Want Sex: Asexual and Looking for Love.

 

That's the whole title, and the thumbnail doesn't even include the I Don't Want Sex part so if you were scrolling through the BBC videos you'd see the small thumbnail saying ''Asexual and Looking for Love'', not ''I don't want sex''. The full title though makes it very, very clear (undeniably clear, lol) that it's talking about asexuality and not celibacy.

 

 

28 minutes ago, The Dryad said:

, wouldn't it have been more clear if they worded it by not being sexually attracted to people, since there are aces who do have sex, and techniy want to have sex even if it's to please their partners, regardless of personal desire/wants.

No because when asexuals actively SEEK relationships like the people in this documentary, ''I want someone to have sex with''is NEVER a factor for an ace. They desire a romantic connection but don't want sex (meaning dating sexuals can be hugely difficult and painful).. Sex is a massive disparity in relationships for aces and they only do it for the sake of their partner, not because they want it themselves, and even then it often takes a massive toll in the long run for most aces who can manage it.

 

The attraction definition only leads to more confusion because you get all the people who hijacked the ace label saying asexuals can love having sex and need it to be happy, as long as they don't find people attractive in a 'sexual way'. This does nothing but HINDER efforts at visibility and general acceptance of asexuality and also reflects really badly on the ace view of regular sexuality. Believe me, not all sexual people are obsessed with looks or judge people;s appearance based solely on their value as a sexual partner. Also, many aces do in fact find people attractive. So the sexual attraction definition is just too.. er.. messy.

 

Asexuals just don't inherently want sex, that's the crux of asexuality. Sure they DO it, for all kinds of reasons, but never out of a desire to experience pleasure from sex itself (which is a longer way of saying they don't 'want' sex).

 

35 minutes ago, daveb said:

The title says asexual to me more than it says celibate - of course, that may be because I am asexual and don't want sex. :) 

Hah and also because the word Asexual comes directly after the statement ''I don't want sex'' in the same sentence :P

 

 

 

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Alejandrogynous

@FictoVore. Touche, that's what I get for watching (most of) the rant video without seeing the documentary first. My bad!

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4 minutes ago, Alejandrogynous said:

@FictoVore. Touche, that's what I get for watching (most of) the rant video without seeing the documentary first. My bad!

haha yeah I caught myself out doing the same thing, then I was like NOPE, I need to at least LOOK at the documentary before I start being a grump 😛 I admittedly haven't watched the whole documentary, but it was just the part in the rant video about asexuality not being synonymous with not wanting sex that I had to comment on. When you take the rest of the title into consideration it makes a lot more sense! ^_^ Because yeah when you're ace looking for love, sex is one of the biggest issues you're constantly mulling over and stressing over because you just don't want it even though you know you may have to have it as the price for receiving the love you desire :c argh!

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Alejandrogynous
6 minutes ago, FictoVore. said:

haha yeah I caught myself out doing the same thing, then I was like NOPE, I need to at least LOOK at the documentary before I start being a grump 😛 I admittedly haven't watched the whole documentary, but it was just the part in the rant video about asexuality not being synonymous with not wanting sex that I had to comment on. When you take the rest of the title into consideration it makes a lot more sense! ^_^ Because yeah when you're ace looking for love, sex is one of the biggest issues you're constantly mulling over and stressing over because you just don't want it even though you know you may have to have it as the price for receiving the love you desire :c argh!

I'm usually better at that but I guess I'm lazy today. Thanks for calling me out, haha.

 

Yeah, now having watched it, I don't think the title is bad. The documentary itself... kinda sucks. Less about asexuality and more 'socially awkward people try to date and also don't want sex, probably because they're socially awkward'. Not judging these people's lives, just how the documentary presented them. Ah well.

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Interesting. What was funny was I was organiser of the UK asexuality conference (with a lot of help - we had a big team of volunteers) and I didn't even see the BBC doc filmers at the conference - unlike the Japanese documentary makers, whom I saw many times throughout the day (and even did a 15-20 min interview with them). I only knew the BBC came because people told me afterwards. I was expecting the BBC - I'd corresponded with them for a bit beforehand but completely missed them on the day.

 

Well done if you took part in an interview, even if the result wasn't as you were hoping for. There were no obvious red-flags, at least that I could see in my correspondence with them beforehand, and the BBC generally have a positive track record in covering asexuality and related identities reasonably well, but sometimes these things don't work out brilliantly. At least it gets us out there, and if it allows some viewers to research more and discover their identity, it's worth it.

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5 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I haven't seen the documentary, but as for the title - well, personally I have nothing against it. To me "not wanting sex" is an important part of my experience as a sex-averse asexual.

Btw, your T-shirt is nice indeed, but not really for me. First, I'd never wear a T-shirt which doesn't cover the abdomen - no way, not all aces are cute. My abdomen is fat and covered with small allergy scars in form of skin discolorations. And I'm not even into sushi rolls. ;) I mean, I don't eat any meat, including fish, and vegetarian sushi is not my thing either because it's made with vinegar rice and the smell of vinegar immediately induces a gag reflex in me. 🤢 But you look very nice, absolutely (though I'm also not into vlogs and when having contact with content which can't be read, only listened to, I simultaneously solve puzzles. ;) But I've taken a look of course and you have a nice style).

 

My issue with the title was that it didn't include the word asexuality at all. Not wanting sex is part of asexuality, but it isn't synonymous with it. This documentary could have been about celibate nuns and the name would have still been appropriate.  It could have been about people on medication that lowers their libido. The other documentaries in the series contain the name of what they're about in the title. This would have been a great opportunity to educate people about asexuality, but how can people use it as a resource if you can't find it when you type in 'asexuality'? Unfortunately (or fortunately) the documentary itself wasn't educational at all, so it wasn't a huge loss.

 

And thanks! I wasn't saying that anyone had to buy the shirt, I just felt like I should mention it considering that it was given to me so that I could promote the brand when I decided to wear it. It wasn't a video about fashion, you can easily get the message without watching me speak in 90% of my content. :)

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5 hours ago, little fish said:

Yea, seems like a very shallow program. I'm guessing they wanted to appeal to mass audience and ended up just making it very lighthearted as a result. (Or the director just doesn't know how to make anything less shallow) Which is a shame, they turned it into a dating program. 

 

That is NOT the way I want to be represented. Sure I am young and white, but the program focuses on the wrong things, and doesn't show aromatic, demiromatic and other side of things. They didn't show: 1. People who don't want dates 2. People who are sex repulsed (probably ignored those people because they it would seem less weird that they can't get dates!) 3. Older aces and as you said, more diversity

 

I think, if they wanted to make a short piece on Asexuality they should interview a couple people representing a wide range of experiences: young and old, alloromantic and aromantic, different ethnicity. Don't ask them weird questions and bring them into a sex shop and try to see if they get turned on. Do talk to them about their experiences of isolation in culture and representation in the media, their day to day experiences. 

The sad thing is, all of the people you mentioned were literally RIGHT THERE, not just willing to talk about it, they were actually talking about it. There were sex repulsed people there, we were having conversations about all of these things on camera in front of them all day. They just decided to ignore it. That's what bothered me the most. It's not like they didn't have the choice. 

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7 minutes ago, yazybee said:

My issue with the title was that it didn't include the word asexuality at all. 

But the title is "I Dont Want Sex: Asexual and Looking For Love." :o

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5 hours ago, Tercy said:

I don't have any real opinion on the documentary so I'm not actively defending it, but just to throw some thoughts into the mix:

 

I could be wrong, but when I was asked to participate (I declined btw) I'm 99% sure they said it was a programme specifically about asexual dating. Maybe someone else who was contacted could weigh in here.

 

If that is true and/or if people (who didn't feature in the programme, but spoke to the producers and such) were asked to talk about what it's like to be an asexual on the dating scene, perhaps this idea of asexual dating being futile is just the impression they were left with and the story they wanted to tell. It's certainly the sentiment I'd expect from the various communities I've been involved with.

 

Maybe they also weren't looking in the right places to find successful bankers and models who had managed to find love elsewhere (i.e. not online), people of various races (a quick search of local members on Acebook returns almost exclusively young white people), etc.

 

I do disagree that it's inappropriate to ask an asexual person about their masturbatory and porn habits in a situation where said asexual person has agreed (in a roundabout kind of way) to talk about their orientation and sex life and such. For me, they're natural and reasonable questions for people to have.

When they pitched it to me, they just said it was about an asexual girl called Ashleigh who was moving to London and wanted to meet other asexual people, so she would be coming to the conference and they would be covering the event and wanted to interview us. I didn't know about the other parts until I saw it. The producer who I was emailing was the same person there on the day asking the questions. 

 

Also, they were in the right place. That's the thing. They were at the conference all day. They had literally all kinds of asexual people there, they were in the talks, they spoke to the organisers, they were speaking to us for AGES. The representation was right there in front of their cameras, they just ignored it in favour of the narrative they were looking for - the sad lonely asexual narrative. Ignoring the married couples, the polyamorous aces who were there, the aces with children, the aromantic asexuals, the minorities. 

 

It was a completely missed opportunity. 

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Just now, FictoVore. said:

But the title is "I Dont Want Sex: Asexual and Looking For Love." :o

Not on the televised or app version iPlayer. Nothing comes up for asexuality, asexual, or anything related to the term.

That's just the YouTube title, in my observation.

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2 hours ago, michaeld said:

Interesting. What was funny was I was organiser of the UK asexuality conference (with a lot of help - we had a big team of volunteers) and I didn't even see the BBC doc filmers at the conference - unlike the Japanese documentary makers, whom I saw many times throughout the day (and even did a 15-20 min interview with them). I only knew the BBC came because people told me afterwards. I was expecting the BBC - I'd corresponded with them for a bit beforehand but completely missed them on the day.

 

Well done if you took part in an interview, even if the result wasn't as you were hoping for. There were no obvious red-flags, at least that I could see in my correspondence with them beforehand, and the BBC generally have a positive track record in covering asexuality and related identities reasonably well, but sometimes these things don't work out brilliantly. At least it gets us out there, and if it allows some viewers to research more and discover their identity, it's worth it.

Funnily enough, I didn't see the Japanese ones! They obviously weren't interested in speaking to me (kinda ironic considering that I was doing the Race/Ethnicity panel). I saw the BBC3 ones a lot because I'd met them when they arrived, so I could recognise them. It was literally just a young Black guy behind the camera (he was there for the Ace Stories panel, quite close to the stage), and a young blonde woman, so it'd be easy to miss them among everyone else.

 

I'm sure it had a positive effect for some people, but not for me, which is particularly disappointing when you put your time and investment into it, and your face is on something you don't actually like.

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