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Lemon Ice Tea

A question for heterosexual women

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Lemon Ice Tea

Are you turned on by men that you are not in a relationship with? Do you fantasize about sex with a man even if there is no man in your life? I’m not turned on by men or fantasize about sex with them, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m asexual or if it’s because there is no man in my life.

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CBC

I'm not exactly the demographic you're asking for, but I'm not asexual for sure. I don't really fantasise about completely random sex, or definitely not in great detail, but I certainly don't have to be in a relationship with someone in order for my mind to, uh, drift in that direction. It would still have to be someone I knew to some degree though, even just minimally (say... someone who worked at a local coffee shop and we'd interacted casually a bunch of times), and not a complete stranger on the street.

 

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone?

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Lara Black

Hello, @Lemon Ice Tea

I’m a sexual hetero woman. I don’t fantasize about sex with random men. But I pretty often have sexual fantasies about movie characters etc., and the longer I am without relationships, the stronger those fantasies get. So yeah, I definitely don’t need a man to fantasize about him. Furthermore, I’d started having these mental images long before I had my first boyfriend.

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CBC

The movie characters thing (or any characters, really) is something I have trouble connecting with. I know that fantasies are, by their very nature, not reality, but I think I can only really ever fantasise about people who are real and with whom I've interacted. I need a personal connection. Whilst the situation itself may never play out, it's still hypothetically possible. I'm not sure I'm able to connect to fictional people in a way that would allow me to feel anything sexual for them.

 

I'm that way in general though, my imagination doesn't work too well with things that seem entirely unlikely. I've never fantasised about being a dragon, for example. I won't ever be one, so my brain is uninterested in entertaining the idea.

 

Anyway. I'm not sure you can be certain about your sexuality one way or the other based upon fantasies, @Lemon Ice Tea. You may need more actual experience to figure it out.

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ryn2
7 minutes ago, CBC said:

The movie characters thing (or any characters, really) is something I have trouble connecting with. I know that fantasies are, by their very nature, not reality, but I think I can only really ever fantasise about people who are real and with whom I've interacted.

To make @CBC‘s point, I’m the opposite... I’ve always easily fantasized about fictional characters and the occasional celebrity, but almost never about someone I know.  I don’t know if I fall in your sample, OP, because I’m still trying to sort out what I am. 

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CBC

Yeah, people are quite diverse in the way they fantasise or don't. I don't see it meaning much definitive.

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Lemon Ice Tea
6 hours ago, CBC said:

 

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone?

I have been in a relationship, however it was very unhealthy. My mom says I need to forget about it and it doesn’t count.

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anisotrophic

many cis women have "responsive desire", which can mean they don't feel much about anyone in particular ... but might feel attraction when someone else (that is "their type" I guess) initiates... with flirting, compliments, makes them feel desired.

I'm not really comfortable ID'ing as female but I sure look it, I haven't physically transitioned. So...

If I fantasize about specific people it's usually my partner -- for other specific people I guess it feels too unreal. And never for celebrities or fictional characters. Same reasons as @CBC, I have trouble getting into a fantasy that feels like it wouldn't ever happen. So... if it's not a partner, I tend to fantasize about hypothetical abstract people/situations (e.g. a man I meet via X that wants to do Y), it can be on the level of a bad porn script.

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Serran

I dont fantasize about anyone but my partner. I never think of anyone else, not celebrities or friends or whatever. Dont watch porn. My partner is it for my arousal / desire. 

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uhtred
7 hours ago, Lemon Ice Tea said:

Are you turned on by men that you are not in a relationship with? Do you fantasize about sex with a man even if there is no man in your life? I’m not turned on by men or fantasize about sex with them, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m asexual or if it’s because there is no man in my life.

Sorry, not female but have seen many discussions.  I think that there is a wide range in peoples' fantasies, and that fantasy often doesn't correlate well with anything in real life. In particular some people only fantasize about things that they would actually want in real life (like sex in a loving committed relationship), others fantasize about things that they would never want in real life - including all sorts of things that would be violent or horrible in real life. 

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Neshama
On 9/26/2018 at 10:01 AM, Lemon Ice Tea said:

Are you turned on by men that you are not in a relationship with? Do you fantasize about sex with a man even if there is no man in your life? I’m not turned on by men or fantasize about sex with them, but I don’t know if that’s because I’m asexual or if it’s because there is no man in my life.

Yeah, sometimes. I can look at a random guy on the street and say to myself "he's hot", feel slightly aroused, and move on with life. 

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disGraceful

Personally? No and no. I’m much like Serran in that my partner is the only source of arousal/desire.

 

But people vary. I’m probably in the minority but also not abnormal. There really isn’t a normal.

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