Feeling broken

[MeowyCat]

I have identified as asexual for several years, but never told anyone about it. Recently I told my therapist, but I am still struggling feeling broken and like there is something wrong with me for it. While I can look at others and say there is nothing wrong with being asexual, when it comes to me it feels like there is something wrong. Anyone else feel this way? How do/did you deal with it?

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

@MeowyCat Firstly, welcome to heAVEN! Have an infinite amount of 🍰! 

 

I cannot relate, but I hope you find the insight you need so as not to feel broken. Best of blessings!

[Juliatransdress]

Welcome to AVEN

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

I don't feel broken, but I do feel isolated and lonely, and I dealt with it by joining AVEN.

 

[Madao]

Welcome to AVEN! I did feel something like that some time ago. I would feel that maybe the trauma I experienced a year ago made me like this. I would get angry at myself because I can never be in a real relationship since no one will really accept me. I felt...abnormal, like I had no place to belong to, because even LGBTQ people experienced things that I didn't. But now it's alright. I know there are many people out there in the world like me, and I have learnt to accept myself. I never wish for my asexuality to go away now  

[Fighting_For_Us]

I never ran into that wall of 'what's wrong with me' all at once, but for years (before I knew Aceness was a thing) I did wonder about and struggle with the fact I didn't seem to feel the same way about guys/girls that all of my friends did. I tried to force myself to feel things that weren't there and pretend to understand stuff that wasn't a part of me - sometimes going so far as to literally google what emotions felt like so I could talk about them with my friends and fit in. I even rolled with a girl deciding she was dating me for a week because my other friend had set us up (sidenote- NEVER do that).

Once I was made aware of Asexuality, by an ace person I'm now extremely close to, everything seemed to make so much more sense. It was a journey to find comfort and pride in that identity, but now that I've had time to process and explore myself it's such a relief. One thing that was very hard for me was coming out to three of my friends, because I felt like a fraud since I'd been pretending things for years. But, once I explained the situation to them, they /mostly/ understood - and all of them accepted me. We even joke about it sometimes, usually when they're fawning over a dude.

Another aspect I dealt with - and I don't know if you're running into this too - is the fact I grew up in a Christian household, and I hold those beliefs myself. So I had to research and talk with other Christians and figure out if being ace was 'okay'. Spoiler alert - it is. There's even a few verses in a Bible that support staying unmarried, and one that many people believe mentions asexuality fairly directly. ( 1 Corinthians 7 & Matthew 19:12 )

And as far as accepting it in others but not yourself goes - I can sympathize with that. It's not the same situation for me, so I'm not going to try and tell you I "completely understand", but the concept is familiar to me. My friend has been helping me through that mentality as I've been learning to deal with my anxiety. Though I'd never judge someone else for what they're going through, I tend to be overly hard and unforgiving to myself. Again, not the same situations, but there's a parallel.

 

All in all, I'd say just consider this - we're all different. Some people like art, some people don't. Some people like spicy food, some people don't. Some people like dogs, some people don't. There's virtually endless variables that impact who we are make us unique. Some are harder to personally come to terms with or understand, but keep reaching out and talking with other people (chatting with a fellow ace helped me enormously), and hopefully you'll find some peace and comfort in this piece of who you are.

 

Good luck, friend! ❤️

 

[whitetulips]

You are always more harsh to yourself than you are to anyone else. Also, you question yourself and your emotions more than you question others'. I also feel the same way, but as long as I feel like I belong with this community, I can put those thoughts aside.