Jump to content

New to exploring asexuality


kiiwi

Recommended Posts

Hello! I'm here on my journey on trying to figure myself out and regardless how long my stay turns out (I'm hopeless at keeping up with forums) I'm hoping I'll stumble upon some new perspectives that can help me grow. :)


Since I'm still in the process of figuring everything out I'm staying as anonymous as I can at the moment, but I am a cis woman in my late 20's and I'm currently in a 5+ year long relationship with a non-asexual cis man. I currently suspect I'm a biromantic gray-asexual.

 

I've "always" known about the term asexual but it's always been painted in an awkward light of "unwantables" and extremity. I never wondered if that's where I fit in until recently when I stumbled upon gray asexuality and learned that there is a gradient.

 

I read about someone else talking about waiting for "the on-switch to flip" on their sexuality and I recognize myself in this. I even went to therapy for about a year to deal with what I then thought was based in how I deal with trust in relationships, but it l just felt awkward doing their "intimacy exercises" as they mostly just bored me. I still worry a lot, though, about embracing the concept of being asexual.  I don't want to wake up one day and realize I used asexuality to feed my denial about something else. Especially since I did have issues in the past after I'd ended up in a situation with a man that didn't understand concept of consent (not rape, don't worry, but still bad enough).

 

Looking back past that incident I've never been that interested in sexual activities. I've had crushes and boyfriends but while I do feel aroused at times I still don't have an urge to have sex with anyone. Not even with my partner. I'd rather look for a release to the urge rather than having sex and as a result I believe I'm still considered a virgin by the traditional standards. That said, it's that urge that's made me dismiss asexuality in the past, but from my understanding I could still fit within the definition of gray asexuality. Is that correct or should I keep looking?

 

I'm open to all the tips and questions you can throw at me to help me figure out where I fit in all of this. I'll probably lurk the other sections of this forum a bit as well to see if I find any answers but I'm definitely here to learn. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to the big show, lol. Hope you find a lot of great connections here. Enjoy this fruity cake.

kiwi-fruit-cake-A.jpg?itok=B-ruNJdI

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome!

This is where things get complex. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not of sexual desire. This means that asexuals can have a libido and masturbate, but they don’t “target” their attraction. They don’t see anyone as “hot” or “sexy”, but they can see them as cute or aesthetically pleasing.

 

Sexual attraction is a focused attraction on one specific person in a sexual way, but libido itself isn’t inherently difrected towards a specific person, it’s just sort of there sometimes. It can be a physical response to certain visual cues, but it i seems not directed towards any one person, but rather to the action itself.

 

I’m not very good at explaining things, but I hope you got the gist of it :) 

rainbow+wedding+cake+6.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to AVEN, @kiiwi!

 

You could be greysexual, or you may be a "libidoist" asexual. It is really up to you to decide.

big_kiwi_pastry_(_cakes_and_pastries)-33

Link to post
Share on other sites

Welcome to AVEN!

 

As others have said, if you don't experience Sexual Attraction, i.e. the desire to have sex with someone, then you are Asexual, and arousal isn't the same as sexual attraction.

10.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/24/2018 at 5:06 AM, kiiwi said:

Hello! I'm here on my journey on trying to figure myself out and regardless how long my stay turns out (I'm hopeless at keeping up with forums) I'm hoping I'll stumble upon some new perspectives that can help me grow. :)


Since I'm still in the process of figuring everything out I'm staying as anonymous as I can at the moment,

Welcome to AVEN. Nothing wrong about being anonymous here. I'm guarded about certain identifying things here but have no qualms about discussing other facets of my life.

 

For some of us, the decision to identify as aro ace was very easy. Mind you for others (like yourself) it's no so 'cut and dried' and is a struggle to 'know' what they are.

 

Finally you mentioned that you're a virgin. Don't let that be a concern. There are a lot of virgins here that are quite comfortable in feeling that they will never have sex. Myself, I'm almost 57 and am pretty sure I'll remain a virgin for the rest of my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi :)

 

Welcome to AVEN! Thank you for stopping by and saying Hello :) AVEN is a wonderful community full of friendly and supportive people and a lot of us will be able to relate to your words. Personally I'm not a fan of "labels" and I prefer to just go with the flow and do what I feel like doing. The most important thing is to be happy and content with who you are and what you feel, regardless of what it's called or not :)

 

You might want to have a look at The Grey Area, which is where people on various ends of the sexual spectrum hang out to discuss their experiences. Maybe you'll find something that resonates with you? Whatever you end up discovering, everyone is welcome on here :)

 

See you around and enjoy some cake:

 

kiwi-600x600.jpg

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...