dac Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 When I hit a strange bout of loneliness, my friend somehow talked me into making a Tinder account, approximately 12 hours ago. I'm nervous about it, but I've messaged a couple of people, and no one seems awful yet. This friend is convinced this a good thing for me, since I am a college student with no experience (ie no first kiss yet). I told her last night for the first time that I think I'm asexual when she started talking about how a guy I like might kiss and feel me up, since I know that feels good. Except I don't know that, so I told her, and she says it might just be my lack of experience. I know she'd believe that I wouldn't want to have sex, but I guess just not the stuff that comes before that? Anyhow, am I making a mistake here? It's not that I don't find the people on Tinder physically appealing, but... am I just doing myself dirty? Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 There's no harm in joining dating sites and seeing if it's for you. I tried Tinder, OKCupid, Match, etc. when I was in college. Also tried going on dates with people I met in classes. Dating wasn't really for me. (Well, the part where you try to create a connection with a complete stranger, who may or may not have lied/exaggerated to impress you before the date... That's not really me.) I'm glad I tried it out, though. Link to post Share on other sites
banoffeepie Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Tinder carries a particular reputation as being 'gaggin for a shaggin.com' So even if you describe yourself as asexual you'll have to expect dates who themselves are expecting sex. I've heard of one case recently of an asexual who met their bf on tinder and he seems to be quite understanding. So it's not impossible. Then again I have a friend who goes on there every weekend to arrange having sex on a Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 I used to think the same about Tinder. ^ But both people I know who met someone on Tinder, have been in long-term relationships with their partners. One of them just got married to her Tinder date, after a couple years of dating. I'd say it just depends on who you end up meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
wonderflonium Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 For me, I had no idea I was asexual (greysexual, in my case) until I really started dating. I often thought that my anxiety about things was due to lack of experience, and this was 'supported' by my more experienced friends' opinions. It wasn't until I really went out and met people that things began to click into place for me regarding my types and levels of attraction, and how I'd need to meet someone to feel comfortable. Some people know without trying something that it won't work for them. I had to test the waters before I knew for sure. If you know your hard limits already, stay true to those. But I guess my main point is - it's okay to be unsure about things, and try something to figure out what works for you. Just always be honest and clear about your intentions and boundaries with whomever you meet, and always check in with yourself to make sure that you're only doing things you feel comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 25, 2018 Share Posted September 25, 2018 I'm not ace and I can't stand Tinder. I just can't meet people in that shallow, hookup kind of way. Looking at people does nothing to tell me about who they are inwardly, and I can only be attracted to someone physically if I have come to love and respect who they are inwardly. So Tinder is a massive no-no for someone like me. OkCupid is a BIT better (just because people can write long in-depth profiles, I won't even consider speaking to someone who doesn't have a long profile) but I've still never actually been drawn to take anything further with someone from Tinder. Funnily enough the last 3 relationships I had were with people I met by accident through AVEN even though I had active dating website profiles at the time. I've never actively looked for someone on AVEN as that's against ToS, but I think the LACK of looking for romance is what draws me to someone, lol. On a dating site, everyone is looking for a date, and somehow that's an instant turn-off for me 😛 fail! Link to post Share on other sites
misswinchester Posted October 23, 2019 Share Posted October 23, 2019 Firstly, I can confirm that there are a lot of sexuality options available on tinder, including asexual and questioning. Can I first ask, why do you think you may be asexual? Depending on the answer to that I'd advice different things, I guess. Either way, to me personally having sex just to have done it sounds like the plot of a really bad movie lol. May work for straight people who just see it as a hurdle, but maybe not for asexual people, especially as a way of figuring shit out. Like, when did a gay person ever (try to) have straight sex and it was a good, non-traumatising experience XD Link to post Share on other sites
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