Just don't know anymore.

[MissMidnight]

I Just Dont Know Anymore.

 

Been with my bf 3 years in January. He knew from the get go that i was Ace and he was fine with it. 

Basically he would ask me for sex when we wanted it and then I had about a 24 hour period to pick when and mentally prepare. So I would never actually be prepared but I was new it was coming so I did what I could.  Theres been comments made that are said in the heat or annoyance or anger along the lines of "I wish this wasnt so much work for a few minutes thing" "Wish we could just do a quickie" "Wish you would be the one coming after me for sex" "Wish there was more" "There isnt enough of it" Etc. 

I'm not meeting his needs.

 

My needs are well kisses not just a peck on the cheek on the lips but a proper one, cuddles, touches, hugs, tickles etc without it being a sex thing but its not. Kisses are just pecks and theres always 3 of them so he is good that way and he hugs me but yea. Cuddles are quick and the rest is basically non existent outside of sex. Like i get hugs but yea nothing really more..

The things I need the love I need shown isnt being shown..

 

If I try and kiss him like sensually its a no because its a sex thing. 

If i go to give him a hug while his doing anything its wrong. 

If I ask for tickles or a massage its met with a sigh like its a chore followed by you got this when we had sex. 

 

We had a fight once and I found out he considers me "not as advertised" We have things in common in the general sense Movies, Music, Games etc but when you break them down we dont and he wishes I was more like his ex, his crush he had while dating me and like his friends gfs. Found out too if he had the choice of his "one" gf or a chance at the crush he doesnt know what he'd pick. It was a pretty big blow out fight as I was beyond my breaking point no matter what I did or didnt do I was in the wrong. He wants things one way and then when I do that its wrong, when I do it my way its wrong. Forever compromising and it was no use. 

 

Our most recent conversation was along the lines of he feels like we are just passing eachother by, we do nothing together just sleep together. We dont have things in common and while we care about eachother is that enough in the end? We spoke about what would happen if we broke up, if we went on or if we could take a break and figure stuff out but we have no where to separate to so we cant do that. It was so detailed and so calm and it sounded and felt like we were going to break up but he wants to keep trying and see how it goes. He doesnt want to give up. 

His waiting on inheritence money and he thinks that will fix things if we move out together instead of living at my mothers place but I dont know. What if this is what it is like there but just a bigger place? He says he wants to get me out of my toxic environment but that cant be his reason for staying with me. I mentioned to him that I dont meet his needs and he isnt meeting mine so why is he with me. He didnt answer for me it was just "I do love you" and I get that but yea. Is loving someone enough? Is this love or is this familiarity and not wanting to be alone?

 

Lately ive been speaking with a close friend and his been helping me well be me again, how I was before this relationship. Ive been getting out more, doing more of my arts and craft and just trying to be happy. The happier I get the more he looks sad and upset and asking if Im okay. My friend and I are doing a road trip in November and I'm so excited about it. Its one little weekend but it feels so good to have and plan. His flying down here to do a road trip with me so for a weekend I can be myself and not have to withhold anything. I show alot of affection though actions and have natural responses to things like if im comfortable ill naturally draw patterns with my fingers on someones hand or arm etc and while I cant do that with my bf as he hates it, I can with my friend he doesnt mind at all, he knows its just a me thing and its not anything else. 

 

Back to my bf though. Basically its like he has zero time for me. His routine is basically go to the job provider and do their appointments to get paid, play games with 2 different groups of friends online at different times, attend 3 different DnD groups, Have his "me" time which is him watching youtube videos, then doing chores he has to do like putting his clothes away once ive washed them and occasionally the lawns. But thats about it. I get to sleep with him and eat dinner with him and then occasionally on a Tuesday well watch a movie or 2 episodes of something and thats our date.

 

A friend suggested we go on a holiday together for like a weekend just pack up and go and reconnect. Well I asked him and he didnt want to. He shutdown the idea as he didnt want to spend time alone together without technology that were technology dependent and we'd just get bored. My friend had to literally twist his arm basically to get him to agree to go on a trip with me. 

 

Just lost atm well thats my vent I suppose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

Has he ever been affectionate, or has he always been that way?

 

If its a change, it might be he pulled away because to him, sensual touch without sex is painful. And to you sensual touch always being about sex is painful. So you both retreat into your own worlds and they dont involve each other. Thats what happened with me and some of my exes. And I am a very touchy person. 

 

If its not then.. why are you living together if he has never been into you the way you want? 

 

Sounds like you both are just incompatible and need to move on. Love isnt everything. You need compatibility too. 

 

 

[No longer active]

It honestly sounds to me like you have more trouble than just sex. You don't have a lot in common, he thinks you're not "as advertised," etc. My husband and I have been able to work out our sexual differences, but we have a lot in common: hobbies, values, etc.

 

[MissMidnight]

50 minutes ago, Serran said:

Has he ever been affectionate, or has he always been that way?

 

If its a change, it might be he pulled away because to him, sensual touch without sex is painful. And to you sensual touch always being about sex is painful. So you both retreat into your own worlds and they dont involve each other. Thats what happened with me and some of my exes. And I am a very touchy person. 

 

If its not then.. why are you living together if he has never been into you the way you want? 

 

Sounds like you both are just incompatible and need to move on. Love isnt everything. You need compatibility too. 

 

 

At the start he was very cuddly and well affectionate and then after i suppose the honeymoon stage it changed. 

Early on around the 6 month mark he was going through fiancial troubles and the only way I could help him and well him not being homeless was to offer moving in here and so that happened and yea afterwards it sort of converted from being cuddly and affectionate to its only happens for foreplay. 

 

Thats what im kind of thinking but im getting so confused and yea lost.

[MissMidnight]

22 minutes ago, Cinders said:

It honestly sounds to me like you have more trouble than just sex. You don't have a lot in common, he thinks you're not "as advertised," etc. My husband and I have been able to work out our sexual differences, but we have a lot in common: hobbies, values, etc.

 

Probably because in the general sense we do but when broken down its different games, different movies etc