Roidgy Posted September 22, 2018 Share Posted September 22, 2018 My boyfriend is sexual and has a very high sex drive. He always wants to have sex but I'm sex repulsed. I've already talked to him and compromised and explored a lot of options so I'm not here to do that. Im wondering if being less attractive would make him want to have sex with me less? I want to have less sex with him but I don't want him to be frustrated. I'm average-bad looking, I have a gross severe skin disorder, never do anything special for my appearance, never use deodorant, and rarely ever dress nicely. I don't really know what I could do to be grosser/uglier but if it's a tactic that could work it might be worth thinking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 It's always a bad idea to change yourself for someone else - making yourself less attractive qualifies under that umbrella. For many sexual people, sex is a means of communicating love. Attraction is part of it, but is by no means all of it. It may just be that your boyfriend is attempting to express his love for you - he is going to want to share that sort of intimacy with you, regardless of how attractive or unattractive you feel you are (and remember again, we're our worst critics when it comes to attraction; he may find you incredible attractive no matter how or what you change). That said, he should also respect the boundaries you've established for yourself. Stick to those. There are a lot of good conversations exploring alternatives for folks in mixed relationships on the Sexual Partners/Friends board; maybe something there might inspire you? Link to post Share on other sites
Roidgy Posted September 23, 2018 Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 @Chimeric i was going through those topics and I felt like not having sex with him would frustrate him a lot and make him miserable. A lot of the people there seem to consider their partner very physically attractive and that makes them want to have sex, so I was thinking I could lessen any frustrations he might have by limiting his sexual attraction. I already have a compromise, I was just looking for anything to supplement Link to post Share on other sites
The Dryad Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 If you're both compromising equally, then would anything less be detrimental to him though? I'm not sure what's exactly healthy for sexuals though... Link to post Share on other sites
Roidgy Posted September 23, 2018 Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 14 minutes ago, The Dryad said: If you're both compromising equally, then would anything less be detrimental to him though? I'm not sure what's exactly healthy for sexuals though... I'm not exactly sure what u mean, but the situation is basically: we have sex. I dont want to have any sex. The compromise is that we'll have sex as much as he wants, but in a way that decreases the discomfort I feel. Ive been doing progressively better and it's not that big of a deal, it's just that No Sex is preferable Link to post Share on other sites
The Dryad Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 16 minutes ago, Roidgy said: I'm not exactly sure what u mean, but the situation is basically: we have sex. I dont want to have any sex. The compromise is that we'll have sex as much as he wants, but in a way that decreases the discomfort I feel. Ive been doing progressively better and it's not that big of a deal, it's just that No Sex is preferable If he's already comprisingly equally, then you're having less sex than he actually wants, having even less to make you happy would probably not make him happy... Link to post Share on other sites
Roidgy Posted September 23, 2018 Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 33 minutes ago, The Dryad said: If he's already comprisingly equally, then you're having less sex than he actually wants, having even less to make you happy would probably not make him happy... Which is why I'm asking if diminishing his sexual attraction will decrease his want for sex, and therefore he won't get frustrated from not having sex. And also, I'm not having sex less than he wants. We're just having sex in a different way Link to post Share on other sites
The Dryad Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 1 minute ago, Roidgy said: Which is why I'm asking if diminishing his sexual attraction will decrease his want for sex, and therefore he won't get frustrated from not having sex. And also, I'm not having sex less than he wants. We're just having sex in a different way Well.... he'd still be sexually frustrated, but just not attracted to you, which is still unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Roidgy Posted September 23, 2018 Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 1 hour ago, The Dryad said: Well.... he'd still be sexually frustrated, but just not attracted to you, which is still unhealthy. alright, thats what i wanted to know :O thank u for the help :y Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 5 hours ago, Chimeric said: It's always a bad idea to change yourself for someone else Generally speaking, sure, but I still wish that other people would use deodorant for my sake (and sure, for the sake of everyone else too) and I don't think that's a bad idea Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 2 hours ago, Philip027 said: Generally speaking, sure, but I still wish that other people would use deodorant for my sake (and sure, for the sake of everyone else too) and I don't think that's a bad idea Well, not everyone needs to, tbh. I know several people who rarely do and dont smell as long as they shower. Good genes. Me on the other hand, I need to use it daily. 8 hours ago, Roidgy said: My boyfriend is sexual and has a very high sex drive. He always wants to have sex but I'm sex repulsed. I've already talked to him and compromised and explored a lot of options so I'm not here to do that. Im wondering if being less attractive would make him want to have sex with me less? I want to have less sex with him but I don't want him to be frustrated. I'm average-bad looking, I have a gross severe skin disorder, never do anything special for my appearance, never use deodorant, and rarely ever dress nicely. I don't really know what I could do to be grosser/uglier but if it's a tactic that could work it might be worth thinking about. If he loves you, you are attractive. Doesnt matter how you look. Sure, you could maybe dress in something he likes to make him want you more but you arent ever going to make him not want you. You could not shower for a month and he would probably still find you attractive. However, you do not need to have sex as much as he likes. Compromise isnt he gets the frequency he wants and you want none. Its a middle ground. So breaks from it sometimes might help. And as long as they arent too long shouldnt hurt him too much. Even sexuals take time off sex sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Your boyfriend may lose complete interest in being in a relationship with you if you start neglecting self-care intentionally. That's a really bad idea, even putting him and the relationship aside. It's gross and will make you feel shitty about yourself and is probably unsustainable. And it's essentially avoiding the true issue. 19 minutes ago, Serran said: Well, not everyone needs to, tbh. I know several people who rarely do and dont smell as long as they shower. Yeah, I'm one of those people. I own deodorant or antiperspirant or whatever, and I use it if the weather is warm and I'm participating in activities where I may sweat, but outside of that I've no use for it. I shower every morning and have good hygiene in general and have just never been someone who sweats much or has significant body odour. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 9 hours ago, Serran said: Well, not everyone needs to, tbh. I know several people who rarely do and dont smell as long as they shower. Good genes. Me on the other hand, I need to use it daily. Yeah, most people do. Somehow, I keep running into the people that really ought to be using it, but seemingly aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 4 hours ago, Philip027 said: Somehow, I keep running into the people that really ought to be using it, but seemingly aren't. Well, you wouldn’t notice if you ran into someone who didn’t need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 Not really. Deodorant typically has its own scent, it just isn't as offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
ryn2 Posted September 23, 2018 Share Posted September 23, 2018 3 minutes ago, Philip027 said: Not really. Deodorant typically has its own scent, it just isn't as offensive. True, I suppose it depends on how close you get. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.