Jump to content

Looking for shared experience because currently feel like an alien


Wuzzie

Recommended Posts

So here's my experience and why I identify as Grayace (demisexual + authochorissexual maybe?):

 

Sexuality:

- want partner sexual w/ my boyfriend, prefer stuff where were both involved or he’s doing stuff to me 

- Have been in 3 proper relationships, always been the same as above (w/ 1 female, 2 males) 

- Don't know if I do feel sexual attraction to people but if that's what it is, it is not in my mind that I desire to have sex with them, my body may respond but normally after I've sat there going 'am I aroused?, am I sexually attracted?' etc, but if it’s sexual attraction I do not consider it enough or obvious at all that I desire sex with them (not the pulling towards and craving that I get toward my boyfriend anyways) 

- Sexual content/fantasising turns me on but I don’t desire to be involved in reality 

- Have never seen a person in real life and felt bothered or an urge/pull towards them as far as I’m aware to have sex with them 

- Boobs may turn me on but I don’t know this or have experience of this that I can recall - I have anxious thoughts about this more than it being something I know - don’t desire to do anything with them or have sex because of this - boobs can be a fettish I think? (it’s just normalised in western society) 

- Romantically attracted to any gender as far as I am aware like masculine presentations of genders

 

I feel odd and ashamed like I must be missing something or making this all up, does anyone else ever feel like that?

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

sexual desire is essentially the feeling of wanting to "jump on someone" and start having sex with them, at least that's how a lot of sexuals describe it. 

 

You can be asexual and still want sex, become aroused, or have fetishes and fantasies.

 

You can be asexual and still be romantically attracted to people.

 

youre definitely not making it up, and there's no reason to be ashamed. Theres lots of people here that feel just like you

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Roidgy said:

sexual desire is essentially the feeling of wanting to "jump on someone" and start having sex with them

Uhm. Not for all of us. 

 

My sexual desire and attraction does not involve wanting to jump on anyone and have sex with them. It is cuddling or kissing can cause me to want to be closer and closer with my partner until we progress it to sexual stuff. 

 

I never look at someone and want to "jump" them. I do not get attracted to other people than my partner. I do not have an overwhelming need for sex. I do not turn into a druggie needing a fix. Or whatever other extreme. I just find it nice to add that to my relationship and my partner turns me on through how much I love them.

 

And I am certainly not ace. 

 

OP, you arent an alien. Sounds like you just find your boyfriend attractive and other people not so much. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Roidgy said:

You can be asexual and still want sex

No, you can't. At least not in the "I want to have sex because I enjoy it" sense. Someone may want to conceive a child or please a partner and be willing to have sex to achieve those things, but if they want sex for their own sake, they're not asexual.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Serran said:

I do not have an overwhelming need for sex. I do not turn into a druggie needing a fix.

This seems fairly accurate to how we, third persons, view sexuals, or rather hear sexuals describe their desires compared to how asexuals experience....I guess libido is more accurate than sexual desire. But I think sexuals experience sex differently, more emotionally, and if you found an asexual who actually participated in partnered sex, it wouldn't be quite as much of an investment- physically or emotionally, even if they love their partner, which is probably why we read so many incompatibility stories.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not odd or weird. Everybody's experience is different and asking yourself what it is you feel is one way of understanding. It's too easy to assume what you are going through is one thing when it may be another. 

 

So for me, I've had sexual relationships, but I feel that just one was where I really felt actual sexual attraction to him and it was because I really felt connected to him and that connection was emotional. Sure, I found him aesthetically attractive and romantically attractive, but sexual attraction came later. Of course I can get aroused by stuff but that's not sexual attraction. 

 

So as demisexual I have a libido, I may from time to time have a desire for sex but that doesn't mean I will suddenly have sexual attraction outside of being demisexual, I still need that emotional connection. The thing is I've made the distinction between all of these things because I was honest about my feelings and motives. Where I thought I was feeling sexual attraction I was really just giddy over the other attractions I was feeling with a person. That has been a very difficult thing to understand and make sense of mostly because it reframed all of my past relationships but I have had to be critical of myself and my feelings. Also has an impact on how I approach things with men now.

 

I'm not sure if I have answered many of your questions but I would say asking questions is the right place to start and is hard to do. It's funny, I wonder how sexuals think about what drives them since that's still the no d of default.

Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Hecate said:

I'm not sure if I have answered many of your questions but I would say asking questions is the right place to start and is hard to do. It's funny, I wonder how sexuals think about what drives them since that's still the no d of default.

Thanks for your response. I think sometimes I over analyse things, I have a hard time remember the conclusions I come to (difficulties with working memory where I have to hold lots of complex info) and so when I am in a moment where I feel compelled to work out the type of attraction I find it hard to recall everything I've previously thought on the matter - if that makes sense? 

 

I think I find the distinction between libido, arousal and sexual attraction challenging. I experience something toward my boyfriend now which I do not experience towards anyone else which I would say is sexual attraction as it feels like a strong urge/pull to be intimate sexually with him, so I feel quite clear on that atm. I don't have this desire toward anyone else, but then i get so confused about arousal and stuff!

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...