Narly

Article about couples not having sex

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Narly

Hi everyone,

 

have you seen the article on BBC about couples not having sex?

 

https://www.bbc.com/news/health-45562014

 

There is an asexual woman in the second couple and two asexual men in the third couple, living a happy life without having sex. 

It's (at least now) on the front page of the website and I was really pleasantly surprised to see that.

I'm also impressed that it was acknowledged in the article that when "you can have sex without the love, why can't love without sex exist?"

What do you think about the article?

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Ceebs.

Not a bad article overall, however I dislike the "It's really sad how some people prioritise sex over happiness" comment from the asexual woman. She makes it sound as if it's always a case of people not understanding her asexuality -- and perhaps some don't, but that's not the only factor. Some people can understand, but that doesn't mean that if they don't want to be in a relationship with her or someone like her that they're prioritising sex over happiness. It means that sex is part of a happy relationship for them. It's not wrong to require that. So she's showing some of her own ignorance and/or elitism there.

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Philguin Baggins
1 hour ago, CBC said:

Not a bad article overall, however I dislike the "It's really sad how some people prioritise sex over happiness" comment from the asexual woman. She makes it sound as if it's always a case of people not understanding her asexuality -- and perhaps some don't, but that's not the only factor. Some people can understand, but that doesn't mean that if they don't want to be in a relationship with her or someone like her that they're prioritising sex over happiness. It means that sex is part of a happy relationship for them. It's not wrong to require that. So she's showing some of her own ignorance and/or elitism there.

Yeah I didn’t like that either. For a lot of people, sex brings happiness, so it rubbed me the wrong way too.

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Tunes

@CBCI see what she was probably trying to say there - some people do really believe that the amount of sex that you have determines how good a relationship is, even when that would not be the case for them, just because this is what society tells them. But there is no context in this article that implies that she is only talking about those specific (and honestly, in my experience, less common) circumstances. So it really does sound like she's implying that they are somehow mutually exclusive (which, of course, is absolutely ridiculous).

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Nowhere Girl

I really liked this fragment:

Quote

Jacob doesn't want to be having sex with someone who doesn't want to be having sex.

That's it. I have seen such sentiments expressed by some non-aces in discussions about "sexual compromise": that they can't feel fully happy without sex, but also feel that they would have to be horrible people to have sex with someone who doesn't want it.

Nobody should have unwanted sex.

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Ceebs.

Yeah I would agree with that. I wouldn't be comfortable having sex with someone I knew didn't want it, or was doing it just for my sake. It would feel empty and a little boring at best, and creepy and almost somehow abusive at worst.

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Telecaster68

I'm not sure about if they were doing it just for my sake - if they were doing it enthusiastically and because it brought them pleasure to pleasure me, then I'd be okay with it. But it wouldn't be anything close to the feeling of mutual desire.

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Ceebs.

I think I'm past that stage haha. Not interested in the "just for your sake" thing, however willingly it's done. I'd be passing on any relationship that didn't involve reciprocal desire. It's just too hollow without.

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Telecaster68

I'd be okay with it if it was the end point of negotiating up from nothing in an existing relationship. 

 

For new relationships, an enthusiasm for sex bordering on fanaticism will be non negotiable. 

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Ceebs.

Yeah that's very true.

 

Also haha... yeahhh. With ya on that one. I'd be positively thrilled with some fanaticism these days.

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