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lux

I'm trying to meet anybody,what can I do?

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lux

Hi,I'm 45 years old and I am a woman who is trying to meet another woman to share life.I think that I am in the middle age,a crisis of identity,I need to be with somebody,but my problem is sex, because I'm not gay in that sense,I don't want sex,only a platonic relationship,it is a problem,don't you think that?,it is certain that I am feel alone sometimes and I want to be with a person who loves me but only in a platonic way.What can I do?.I am sad :( for this reason,I don't meet solutions.

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Islander9

Lux - yes, that is both sad, and an awkward place to be...your local gay/lesbian/transexual group may have a newsletter/netpage? I mention such a group because they tend to be rather more open and compassionate towards those of us who are not the norm/majority-

best wishes anyway - cheers Islander9

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roddy9uk
Lux - yes, that is both sad, and an awkward place to be...your local gay/lesbian/transexual group may have a newsletter/netpage? I mention such a group because they tend to be rather more open and compassionate towards those of us who are not the norm/majority-

best wishes anyway - cheers Islander9

To which I would add your local BDSM community for precisely the same reasons.

roddy

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C21H22O2N2

I also agree with the BDSM community suggestion. I am into BDSM (don't know if you are or not) as a submissive masochist, but it is true that they are accepting of all kinds. Find a "munch" in the area - which is just a casual get together usually held at a cafe or restaurant.

Take care,

Jenn

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Born_Confused

what's BDSM?

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roddy9uk
what's BDSM?

It is an acronym for.."Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism".

Sometimes referred to generally as "alternative life-styles"

roddy

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funaladanaly

I disagree with the BDSM suggestion. I haven't visited those forums, but those do seem to be about sex it seems.

I'm 25, but in the same prediciment as you. Finding a person in the height of their sexual prime (24-28) who just wants to have a platonic is very difficult. However, especially since you're a guy, I think it'll be a lot easier finding a woman who doesn't want to have sex than a woman seeking a man who doesn't want to have sex.

They say its near impossible, but I know I'm a woman in search of a man to have a platonic relationship, so we're definitely out there. I refuse to believe I'm the only one.

Try asexual meet up sites. You'll probably have the best luck there. Also keep your eye out in day to day situations. Especially since you're in your 40's, women going through menopause may be more like you in terms of not wanting sex.

Good luck!

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roddy9uk
I disagree with the BDSM suggestion. I haven't visited those forums, but those do seem to be about sex it seems.

!

Well if you have never visited how can you tell? I wasn't actually thinking about the forums themselves (although clearly you have to start there..) but in the fact that such groups invariably organise meetings of like-minded folk . Since the "umbrella" is very large and covers all forms of sexuality (and asexuality) without discrimination it attracts those who are in some way "different". The very acceptance of diffrent sexualities they accept mean that you are quite likely to come across those who are asexual even though, on the face of it, it is all "sexually oriented". The whole point is that you can actually MEET ..not just talk to over the internet..a wide variety of people with no pre-conceptions as to what is "perfect".

These meetings by the way do not involve any form of overt activity. They are called (in the UK at least.) "munches" and are no more than meetings of those who would otherwise be strangers in a public place such as a restaurant or quiet bar. There is and never will be any "pressure" put on anyone coming along whether they do so out of idle curiosity or with a deliberate aim in mind (to find someone of similar tastes). All that is required is that YOU be accepting of others tastes as being their prerogative to define and not yours.

regards

roddy

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anima
I disagree with the BDSM suggestion. I haven't visited those forums, but those do seem to be about sex it seems.

Roddy makes a good point.

Most people automatically think of BDSM as being about sex. But it's not just about sex.

About six months ago I made a post in the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm Usenet group concerning BDSM and asexuality. The question I posed was basically "Do you know anyone identifying as asexual who is active/interested in the BDSM lifestyle? If not, what is the possibility, in your opinion?"

The first three responses I received were as follows:

If he's defining asexual as sexual attraction - meaning someone who doesn't think 'I wanna fuck that person' - then there are several people in [a previous] conversation who meet that criterion, such as me.
as best as I can tell I'm more asexual than anything else and I have a strong interest in S&M so I should meet your criteria" and mentioned that they haven't been so active now (due to personal issues) and some terms they would use to describe themselves.
There are certainly asexual people who practise forms of BDSM, even for narrow definitions of asexual -- i.e. persons for whom neither sexual arousal nor genital contact of any sort occurs, nor do thoughts thereof occur. [. . .] More common, I think, are people for whom BDSM is asexual, even if some other aspect of themselves is [not]."

So, certainly -- going to your local BDSM group is an option. Even if you don't want to pursue it, it's still a viable option.

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lux

Thank you for yours answers,but I think that to go into a so strange groups could be dangerous,I am only asexual,not sadistic or masochistic or another thing,so I prefer meet only asexual women.Mmmm..I think that in my country doesn't exists these type of groups,I've never listen about them,only homosexual groups.

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jay williams
I think that to go into so strange groups could be dangerous, I am only asexual,not sadistic or masochistic or another thing,so I prefer meet only asexual women. Mmmm..I think that in my country doesn't exists these type of groups,I've never listen about them,only homosexual groups.

I understand a resistance to bdsm groups. I don't think, however, that a person should immediately write this off. If an asexual recognizes similarities instead of differences, then it can make sense to check out bdsm.

The first thing to understand is: not all bdsm adherents are the same---Just as not all asexuals are the same.

People who are attracted to bdsm are people who are NOT into "vanilla sex". Vanilla sex is generally recognized as sexual intercourse. So if we stop here, the similarities are indeed striking!

The second thing to understand is that people who are attracted to bdsm are people who realize that they do not fit in a conventional heterosexual (or generally, homosexual) world. Many (most?) bdsm people are attracted to this group because they don't feel that they fit anywhere else.

Most bdsm people are not into sadism or masochism. Some are for sure. But most are not. (by the way, the sm part of bdsm refers to servant/master (or mistress) for many people. Most are into an alternative to the power dynamics of conventional relationships. If most heterosexual relationships are male top and female bottom, and if most homosexual relationships are modeled on straight relationships, then often-as-not bdsm people are into an alternative to this.

There are significant numbers of bdsm people who drift in and drift out, looking for a place to belong. Most all of us start off into being told that intercourse with a member of the opposite sex is the ideal expression of a relationship. Those of us who can't conform to that are left to find ourselves.

Some women & men discover that a male submissive combined with a woman dominant is preferable to a "vanilla" relationship. I know a woman who experimented with female dominant relationships until she discovered her true love, which was an asexual lesbian relationship.

BDSM is a diverse world. Most are into some kind of eroticism, and most would be incompatible with an asexual person. But not all, not by any means.

Another similarity with our asexual community is that bdsm has a LARGE number of gay (and bisexual) women, and bdsm is very tolerant of those who are not oriented to the sexual norm.

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lux

Thank you very much for the information,Jay,I don't know these things about this type of groups,I mean,I like more women than men for an asexual relationship,for example,80 per cent women and 20 per cent men,more or less,I dont know if I am a-bisexual woman,well, the thing is to find these type of groups in spanish language,I ignore it's existence,perhaps it only exists in english language,I'll try it.

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janlascko

I went on www.asexualpals.com - it's like a dating service designed for us Asexuals. It's pretty new, so not a lot of folks listed!

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