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TumultuousTimepiece

A question for sexuals regarding sexual attraction.

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uhtred
17 hours ago, ryn2 said:

Someone who’s completely alibidinous would probably never want sex, agreed.

 

I thought the question was whether sexuals could be said to be attracted to the act (of sex), rather than to the person, though.  Given that people who’ve never had sex may still be certain they want it, and some people engage in sex with total strangers they may never actually even meet, it seems to me the answer is “yes” at least some of the time.

I think sex under different circumstances can mean different things to the same person.  I want sex with a partner that I love, and who desires me as I desire her.  OTOH, if I were not in a relationship, and I ran into an attractive woman with an attractive personality who just wanted sex, that would be fun too.  (or least so I think - its also possible that I would actually fall for the person). 

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Neshama
On 9/18/2018 at 5:42 PM, TumultuousTimepiece said:

I'm trying to figure out whether or not i'm ace and wanted to know what your opinion is regarding this question:

 

Which are you sexually attracted to: the person or the act? Why?

I'm definitely attracted to the person. The act is what I want to do with the person, but I would be more excited about doing non-sexual things with someone hot than having sex with an ass

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MrDane

“Attraction” is a force that moves you towards something. Perhaps a “hot girl” in spandex at the gym moves my attention, diverts my eyes and probably triggers a short burst of a fantasy in my brain. “Wow, I wonder how her booty would feel in my hand, in a parallel universe?” 

My freudian ego/super-ego kicks in, and reminds me that it is not very nice to stare, unappropiate for a man of my age and a young girl. In a millisecond, I stop my drooling and turn the idea into a blop that dissappears. 

I cant say, that I am attracted to the girl, who I dont know. At that point, I am attracted to the body of a girl, I, in a parallel universe, would like to get to know physically. 

If I know someone and like them, then the shape of their body is unimportant. If the beforementioned girl seems like a terrible person, then funny enough, I also lose interest in her spandex covered booty.

 

 

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Treesarepretty
On 9/18/2018 at 5:42 PM, TumultuousTimepiece said:

I'm trying to figure out whether or not i'm ace and wanted to know what your opinion is regarding this question:

 

Which are you sexually attracted to: the person or the act? Why?

I am attracted to the person, but the act--or something close to it--is necessary for me to feel loved in a romantic way. To me, there is a Venn diagram with an intersection of friendship and lust, and the overlap area is what feels like "romance."

 

I don't know if that helps, but good luck figuring it out.

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TurnedTurtle
Quote

Which are you sexually attracted to: the person or the act? Why?

In contemplating this question, I was thinking there should perhaps be a third option --  Mr. Dane alludes to it-- the physical object of a hot girl's body. This is a sub-component of the person, but in a way I see it also as a sub-component of the act, which is why I suggest it as a possible third option. There are certain physical attributes -- the shape and proportion of various body parts, her muscle tone and skin quality, the nature of her hair -- that will attract my attention and perhaps even initiate an arousal response in my body. Draw a thought bubble, over my head and it might say something like: "Hot damn! I would NOT kick her out of my bed (you know, if she were ever to sneak in to it)." But then maybe she'll turn and smile, and her teeth are rotten and half-missing, or she lights up a cigarette, or shows a bad tattoo, or something else that could be a total turn off.

 

But the body is only one aspect of the person, and real attraction -- beyond a purely visceral reaction -- the attraction that would really drive me to want to actually have sex with a woman, can only come once I get to know her more, her personality, intellect, interests, etc... The body is still important, it starts there, but the parameters that I find physically attractive may adjust to better match those of a woman with strong personal qualities who might not be a "perfect 10." Still, I think it is unlikely that I would find myself sexually attracted to someone who was obese or otherwise had physical attributes far removed from those that I tend to like. And of course, our standards can change as we age, or find ourselves in new surroundings.

 

The act itself? Well I guess I can't see how that, by itself, can be the basis of sexual attraction. Sure, I enjoy the sensations of stimulating my organ to the point of orgasm, and I can do that by myself without directly involving another person, but not without visualization of a woman's body to help initiate the necessary arousal. Fantasy can play in to it too, imagining the sensations of caressing her skin, stroking her hair, etc... But I still need the person, or at least an image of her body, to get the process started.

 

 

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reimagine stardust

Is it maybe that people find each other attractive, and someone sexual would like and is drawn to the act when attracted to someone? 

 

Um. Asexuals find a human attractive. But they aren’t drawn to having sex. Someone sexual will be attracted to the person, but that attraction will lead them to having sex. 

 

That “attraction” is talking about people, but “sexual attraction” means sex is part of the expression?

 

 

im not making any sense am I....

 

”attraction to sex” feels kind of clunky to me, not exactly wrong but like it’s bad grammar or something. People want sex. People are attracted to people. The two go hand in hand for someone sexual. Asexual people don’t want sex. But asexual people can be attracted to people. 

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Sally

Don't worry about the "attraction" business.

 

If you're not interested in having sex with anyone, and in fact actively don't want to have sex -- you're asexual.

 

If you're interested in having sex for sex's sake, because you want to have sex -- you're sexual.  

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Anthracite_Impreza
7 hours ago, reimagine stardust said:

People are attracted to people

Not always people... ;)

 

InB4 @Dreamsexual.

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Dreamsexual
On ‎6‎/‎6‎/‎2019 at 12:22 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said:

InB4 @Dreamsexual.

.

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Serran
9 hours ago, reimagine stardust said:

Is it maybe that people find each other attractive, and someone sexual would like and is drawn to the act when attracted to someone? 

 

Um. Asexuals find a human attractive. But they aren’t drawn to having sex. Someone sexual will be attracted to the person, but that attraction will lead them to having sex. 

 

That “attraction” is talking about people, but “sexual attraction” means sex is part of the expression?

 

 

im not making any sense am I....

 

”attraction to sex” feels kind of clunky to me, not exactly wrong but like it’s bad grammar or something. People want sex. People are attracted to people. The two go hand in hand for someone sexual. Asexual people don’t want sex. But asexual people can be attracted to people. 

No. You are making sense. 

 

Attraction is attraction. You can find someone hot. You can find someone nice. You can trust them, or just think they are funny, etc, etc. All types of attraction to who they are. Sometimes even just "there and willing".. 

 

If you then desire to express that attraction to who they are via partnered sexual activities, voila, sexual. It isn't really a separate attraction where you just wanna bang the person on the spot cause of how horny they make you. Its more ... sharing sexual stuff with this person could be nice or fun or whatever motivation you have for sex from personality standpoint. Some keep it casual and sex is just fun for the orgasm or physical side. Some find an emotional connection. Some find it deeply moving and love based. Whatever the reason doesnt much matter. 

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Netta

It can be both. For me personally, when it's the 'act' it has generally been more of a 'no strings attached fun between two people' situation. No stong emotional connection required. 

 

However, in a relationship, it is most definitely the person. I am currently in a relationship with an ace; and I don't desire just the act as such, and definitely not with anyone else. I am simply sexually attracted to my partner. 

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degenerate

The person.

 

I'm not interested in sexual acts at all, outside of being attracted to someone. And even then, my interest is limited, really strong placiosexuality. I even hate porn. I don't hate that other people like it, I hate watching it personally. I do seem to have some sort of "affection drive," though, in which I think I'd take some cuddles from a perfect stranger.

 

I've thought about the possibility that my interest in sexual acts only exists if the person I'm attracted to is a sexual person and wouldn't exist if I was attracted to an asexual. I'm not sure at all, here, this could be true. But I interpret what I experience as sexual attraction, because, when I have it, it is an appreciation for the person's whole body, their whole body strikes me as a sort of interface with their soul. And I have an interest in interacting with their soul through their body. Seems like classic sexual attraction to me.

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Telecaster68
1 hour ago, degenerate said:

my interest in sexual acts only exists if the person I'm attracted to is a sexual person and wouldn't exist if I was attracted to an asexual

This is also classic sexual attraction. Most sexuals desperately want their partner to want sex with them, rather than desperately wanting to have sex with someone who's not interested.

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