Mr. Glass ☆ Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 It's been one year since I discovered I'm asexual. I don't get crushes so easily (maybe one in each two years?). Recently, this girl showed up and each time she smiles I just completly flip. I started to really like her presence and her positivity. Unfortunatly, I dont't know anything at all about her... what should I do? - I don't have this urge of being in a relationship, altough I'm afraid that I'll lose a big opportunity. You guys all know how difficult it is for us to find someone... - I have no experience what so ever in flirting/dating/love... which makes me nervous. I'm also terribly shy. Only some of my best friends know i'm asexual. She's in the same circle of some of my friends and i'm wondering if i should try flirting with her right now, or come out to that circle of friends so i can try to know how she reacts and how she thinks about asexuality. I've only met her recently, and i suppose i can also "try" to get to know her better before even doing such a move? That way I might have a better opinion and I might understand my feelings better... I'm really lost. Did you guys have any similar situations in the past? What did you do? PS -- I'm sorry for spelling/syntax errors. English isnt my first language. (i'm french hihi 😛 ) Link to post Share on other sites
whitetulips Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 I've never been in such a situation, but I think the best choice is to get to know her yourself. That way you can also form an emotional bond with each other before getting into a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Purple Wanderer Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 I usually buy a good pair of binoculars and follow them around. Or... if you dont fancy prison. Put in nore effort to go to same social events, just talk to them as you would anyone else and find more about them naturally. No rush to these things Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 I tell them, it's usually not reciprocated, and life goes on pretty normally. I'm a demi, so the only people this has ever happened with are already established close friends. It's never turned out badly. Then there was the most recent occurrence, when it was reciprocated, and we eventually got married 😍 Link to post Share on other sites
calmao Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 If you don't try then you never know what could've been. If you get rejected then eventually you move on. If she is interested it could them become something more! From personal experience, I recently took the risk with a girl I really liked and it was the best relationship I've ever had Link to post Share on other sites
Stray_Cat Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 On 9/16/2018 at 10:02 PM, Purple Wanderer said: I usually buy a good pair of binoculars and follow them around. Or... if you dont fancy prison. Put in nore effort to go to same social events, just talk to them as you would anyone else and find more about them naturally. No rush to these things I ALWAYS start with the stalking then with the talking🤣 Link to post Share on other sites
Red99 Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 so my situation is a little different from yours but ill give you some advice based off my own experience and share my story in hopes it will give you some ideas or confidence. I too discovered pretty recently that I am asexual (demi to be exact) I didn't feel comfortable coming out to friends until my second semester of college. Before I came out to my friends I had started developing a crush on my best friend at college. I chose to come out to friends first before making any moves but I was always going out of my way to do things for my crush (her name is Julie) I would buy her lunch sometimes and we would just hang out a lot. It wasn't until this semester that I got a little more flirty with her and she reciprocated. It was kinda hard to figure out if she had feelings for me too because she isn't one to show emotion but it turns out that she has had feelings for me as long as I have had for her! We have been a couple now for a little over a week and I am happier now than I have been in a while! TL;DR my advice to you is to take it easy and get to know her more and just come out to your friends casually. (I just brought it up in casual conversation and it was pretty easy) and then from there if she seems chill then start flirting with her! if you wanna talk about it more, feel free to send me a PM Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 On 9/16/2018 at 9:59 AM, Mr. Glass ☆ said: What did you do? Shake my fist at the sky and wait for this to pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Ldlelee Posted October 5, 2018 Share Posted October 5, 2018 I don't think I've ever experienced a crush, but rather my internal platonic attraction was (and still is) so strong, I justified it as romantic from a very early age. Now that I've recognized this, I try to think my feelings through more rationally. In other words, I squash them like a freaking bug. In your case, the best thing to do is to seem amiable. Try to talk about something you both have mutual ground on. You could even break the ice by doing something as simple as offering her a piece of gum. (This worked for a guy at my college. Everybody loves him now.) I would caution not coming on too strongly, however, as this could give her a bad impression. Take it slow. Talk to her when the opportunity arises. That's my two cents, though. I wish the best of luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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