dove's eye

Society's portrayal of romance is confusing me.

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dove's eye

Hi y'all,

I'm 18/female and have been questioning my (a)sexuality for a while. Basically, I don't know how to read my own feelings when it comes to romantic/sexual things. I may have had "crushes" on people before ????? I have never wanted to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone in particular, but I feel like I need to be in A relationship, more for the sake of the relationship itself. Even so, I am more comfortable when I'm not dating anyone (and I have dated two people before, for very short periods of time - i cut it off because it made me uncomfortable) regardless of the fact that I still obssess over the idea of being in a relationship from time to time. Is it possible that being surrounded by media my whole life that glorifies the idea of romanticism and sex has made me think I want a relationship when I actually don't want one? Or, could it be that I'm not asexual, but my independent personality won't let me be tied down by anyone??

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Aebt

Those are questions only you have the answer for. I struggled with the some of the same questions (Individualistic vs Culture vs Uncomfortable) for a while before coming to the conclusion that I am asexual. Think deeply and thoughtfully, evaluating yourself until you reach your own conclusion. Don't be afraid to reevaluate yourself too over time. You must figure out who you are versus what culture wants you to be, maybe they will be the same, maybe not. 

 

By the way Welcome to AVEN!

🍰(Sorry, it's a small cake)

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Redwylde

I have the same problem. I'm a romance and sex repulsed aroace, but I still have that nagging feeling that I should find a platonic life partner. The trouble is, I don't know if hat's what I really want, or if it's just the years of amatonormativity being drummed into me making me feel this way.

It's something we can only figure out for ourselves as time goes on.

 

What is it about relationships that make you uncomfortable? Certain romantic/sexual acts or just the idea of being committed to someone in general?

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Jona Rhys

Welcome to AVEN!

As for society's idea of romance - you might be interested in this:

 

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

What you had could have been Squishes rather than Crushes. A Squish is an Aromantic Crush. Many Aromantic Asexuals get them.

 

30_Floral_Celebration_Cake_A_Doves_Tale1

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dove's eye
2 hours ago, Redwylde said:

I have the same problem. I'm a romance and sex repulsed aroace, but I still have that nagging feeling that I should find a platonic life partner. The trouble is, I don't know if hat's what I really want, or if it's just the years of amatonormativity being drummed into me making me feel this way.

It's something we can only figure out for ourselves as time goes on.

 

What is it about relationships that make you uncomfortable? Certain romantic/sexual acts or just the idea of being committed to someone in general?

Thanks so much for responding. :)

I don't mind anything physical that happens in the relationship - the cuddling, handholding...(i've never had sex so i wouldn't know about that, but I get the feeling I wouldn't mind it either) - but I don't feel a particular need for any of it. Weirdly enough, it's actually the emotional parts that repulse me. I feel like I'm being pressured to act a certain way, or simply to act like I'm "in love" even though I have no idea what that would mean. I also feel like I don't want to be expected to be around said partner more than other people?

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dove's eye
2 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

Welcome to AVEN!

 

What you had could have been Squishes rather than Crushes. A Squish is an Aromantic Crush. Many Aromantic Asexuals get them.

 

Thanks for the input! Yeah, that could be a possibility...

Btw very elaborate cake 👌

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dove's eye
2 hours ago, Jona said:

Welcome to AVEN!

As for society's idea of romance - you might be interested in this:

 

Wow, thanks! That's super informative!

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Redwylde
31 minutes ago, dove's eye said:

Thanks so much for responding. :)

I don't mind anything physical that happens in the relationship - the cuddling, handholding...(i've never had sex so i wouldn't know about that, but I get the feeling I wouldn't mind it either) - but I don't feel a particular need for any of it. Weirdly enough, it's actually the emotional parts that repulse me. I feel like I'm being pressured to act a certain way, or simply to act like I'm "in love" even though I have no idea what that would mean. I also feel like I don't want to be expected to be around said partner more than other people?

 

Hi there, no problem! It sounds to me that you may be on the aromantic spectrum? You're fine with physical stuff but it's the emotion and the commitment part that you can't get to grips with. I'm the same way; even if we don't DO anything, the idea of romance in a relationship for me is eugh.

Of course, I don't want to throw out random suggestions and say that's what you are, but it might help point you in the right direction?

 

As for dealing with the feeling of NEEDING to be in a relationship because you feel that you're SUPPOSED to, it's totally understandable and the more you come to terms with the way you feel and start feeling more and more at comfortable with it, it'll get easier ^^ It's just society being loud and normative.

 

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