ShadowPeasant

How to know one is demisexual or asexual?

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ShadowPeasant

Hey guys. I am a 25y old guy from India. An introverted guy.

I am very sure that I am heteroromantic. I also do not get repulsed by sex. I have never been in any sort of relationship except for a few casual dates (nothing physical). I do get aroused - although it has little to do with what I am thinking about or the situation. I also found that I prefer to watch female friendly porn over male friendly one - although I rarely do. I have also never masturbated (never felt like doing it - although arousals did happen). 

 

How can I find out if I am demisexual or asexual? Apart from playing with the life of an unlucky woman that is. If I am demisexual I can probably "get away with it", find a nice woman to love and marry and be "typical". If I am asexual though - things become a little complicated. As said before, I do want to find romantic love with a woman - dont know how much sexual love though. The attraction I feel tends to be more romantic than sexual, perhaps mostly or all romantic. Any help?

Is it possible I just have a low sex drive?I am very much into the idea of hugging , kissing, cuddling etc

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Sexual Attraction comes with the desire to have sex with another person, if you don't experience this, then you're Asexual.
That said, people have found out they're Demisexual after years of thinking they're Asexual because a Demisexual will only experience it after forming an emotional bond.
Hugging, kissing and cuddling also are not Sexual, they're Sensual, so a desire to do these things is neither Romantic or Sexual Attraction, but Sensual Attraction.

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Ardoise

The dividing line between those identities is honestly pretty vague, so I'm not sure I can help you. It's not the end of the world if you end up changing your labels over time.

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80814

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Philip027
4 hours ago, ShadowPeasant said:

How can I find out if I am demisexual or asexual? Apart from playing with the life of an unlucky woman that is.

Women are not playthings.  People have their own sense of agency, women included.

 

As long as you say upfront "I've never been into sex, and this may last indefinitely", you're putting the ball in their court.  They can then decide if a relationship with you is something they want to try anyway.  If it turns out that you're still ace, well, they can't say that you deceived them.

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Marlow1

I am a Hetero-Romantic Demisexual guy. I have only been sexually attracted to one person throughout my entire life, and this includes celebrities, porn and so on, no attraction at all except towards my wife

 

I was 33 years old when I met her. The relationship started out as platonic, it then became romantic and later became sexual. I cannot say exactly why this happened but there were some situational factors that  appear to have influenced this including, my brother playing match-maker, the fact that her best friend and my brother are married meant we were seeing each other it in familiar settings, and several of our encounters were by chance within romantic environments, and my partner who is an allosexual, had been in relationships with guys that were sexual , more like herself,  and for a variety of reasons had decided these relationships were not for her and so she was deliberately seeking a guy something like me

 

It worked out well for us but a few years ago I had a brain hemhorrage and following this I could not remember our relationship too well and I became more like the asexual person that I was before we met. This is a long story. Some of this is discussed in my old posts here at AVEN. If you go to the 'advanced search option' above and then type in the word 'Aphantasia' and further down where it says 'Author' type in 'Marlow1' many of my old posts will come up. Alternatively if you want to know more about how we sorted this out , or more about how we met and got it together etc, you can send me a 'Personal Message' if you want to

 

In the meantime, you have asked if this might be low libido, it could be. This guy, Mark Scissons would be able to help you with that. Myself, my attraction/libido/desire, in the past, was something like you are describing but when I married my wife all of these thing moved to a more normal range. After the brain hemhorrage they went down to near zero again, but after doing what Mark says, and a few other things (please send me a PM if you want to know about this) they are more in the normal range again

 

https://www.marksdailyapple.com/a-guide-to-maintaining-a-healthy-sex-drive/

 

Hope this is helpful

 

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and I cannot diagnose. I cannot prove anything that I say here about improving libido etc. If anybody wants to try any of these things that I mention they should first consult their doctor

 

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The Angel of Eternity

@ShadowPeasant Hi! Welcome to heAVEN! There's an infinite amount of 🍰 here, so take what you want! 'it sounds like your questions have already been answered. I really didn't have much to add, anyway.

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