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drzucchinibread

New here & sharin my story.. is that a thing?

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drzucchinibread

Hi guys!!!

 

 

I've recently become very confused about my sexuality, but after lots of examination of my sexual life and emotional feelings over the past couple years, I have just come to the conclusion that I may fall into that gray area of asexuality, or possibly demisexual! In my teenage years (HS) I had no real desire for sex-- only the pressure from peers and society to have that desire, in which I feel I often forced upon myself to conform to. However, I have had sexual feelings and desire before but only for ONE person, who I had fallen in love with, and was my first copulation. After our relationship ended, I continued to be sexually active because it was the thing to do, and something I thought I wanted--which is where i really struggle because its something i wanted but also didn't want, plus a few other factors-- feeling like i had too for the other person's sake, and also to fit in & say i'm having sex. after my relationship, the 3 others i did have sex with was just so... bleh? I don't know how to explain it. I had no desire, and no drive, and each time I did, I realized it was something I didn't really want to be doing the the second we started to doing it. I never felt any lust for myself, or the other person, but only grief and confusion on what was wrong with me.  I remember specifically talking to my best friend about feeling like there was something wrong with me. I would be romantically attracted to someone, and wonder what sex would be like with them (so i guess another big factor was curiosity?) but I never actually had a sexual desire for them. I was just always so confused, and sex became really complicated, in a very personal way because I felt so alone. No one understood my feelings on this, or even could fathom having these feelings. 

 

I'm not sure entirely sure exactly what to make of this. I feel like it has to do with sexual attraction, but maybe its libido? I don't know. 

 

I've always known about asexuality, but never really knew what a broad spectrum it was and how inclusive it was. It's a shame they don't teach about it in sex ed because I really do feel like this was the missing piece to my puzzle, specifically my identity. As of a month ago, I had been toying with the idea, and tonight I finally sat down and did some research. As I was reading about the spectrums and terms, I'm on the spectrum of asexuality.  It's kind of hard for me to say that because I almost feel like I can't because I've had sex, and for so long I thought it meant "no sex at all, ever." But! Thus here I am, pouring out my feelings and probably oversharing,  trying to find where I fit in. 😂 I'm honestly just looking for some input, advice or maybe if anyone can relate?? 

 

Appreciative of all thoughts, comments and feedback! 

 

Thx 4 readin!

 

 

 

 

 

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MichaelTannock

@drzucchinibread Welcome to AVEN!

 

Many Asexuals have had the same kind of experience you've had, where they either didn't know about Asexuality or didn't know it was a spectrum.
And thus thought there was something wrong with them, and tried to be "normal" by having sex.

 

My experience was different though, I realised I'm Asexual in my early teens, around 14 when I started hearing comments like "This girl has nice tits" or "That girl has a nice ass" from my male peers and in media, and was bewildered by them.
It became clear to me that everyone else was experiencing some kind of attraction that I couldn't, and because I felt no desire for a romantic relationship or aesthetic attraction either, I didn't feel confused when I came across the term Asexual and accepted it immediately as part of my identity.

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roland.o

Hello and welcome to AVEN, @drzucchinibread! Have some cake :cake::D

 

On 9/15/2018 at 11:00 AM, drzucchinibread said:

confusion on what was wrong with me

That's something many of us here are familiar with. The thing is: there's nothing wrong with you, or any of us. We have to learn to accept ourselves, including the things that make us feel different from the majority, or from what we assume the majority to feel.

 

On 9/15/2018 at 11:00 AM, drzucchinibread said:

I have had sexual feelings and desire before but only for ONE person, who I had fallen in love with

On 9/15/2018 at 11:00 AM, drzucchinibread said:

I had no desire, and no drive, and each time I did, I realized it was something I didn't really want to be doing the the second we started to doing it.

On 9/15/2018 at 11:00 AM, drzucchinibread said:

I'm not sure entirely sure exactly what to make of this. I feel like it has to do with sexual attraction, but maybe its libido?

If you allow me to speculate: You do want to have sex (libido), but it's got to be with the right person (sexual attraction). If you do it with someone who happens to be available, but for whom you don't feel sexual attraction, it doesn't work for you. Whether you want to consider that a form of gray sexuality (for example, demisexuality), or whether you consider yourself a regular sexual person who just doesn't want to have sex without love, is totally up to you.

 

You've figured this out about yourself, that's a good thing. Now you can tune your life to your feelings. When you're facing spoken or unspoken expectations about having or enjoying sex, you know what will happen if you give in without feeling it. And you can choose whether to go along or not. It takes some courage to stand up and not go along with societal or peer pressure. It might cost you a supposed friend or two. But if it allows you to live the life you want to live, it will be worth the effort :D:cake:

 

All the best!

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