Laurann

Question for cis girls and other afab people

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Laurann

So there’s this thing I do, and I was wondering if it’s ‘normal’ or if it’s dysphoria.

 

I realized that I constantly subconsciously worry about not drawing attention to my body (you know, the female bits), to the point that I don’t really move freely. I don’t want things to jiggle (sorry for that word, I hate it, but don’t know what other word to use).

I keep my arms close to my body. I’m tense. I don't make sudden movements. I don’t jump. I don’t run. I definitely don't dance. I've always held back when playing sports.

Walking in public is already incredibly uncomfortable and I tend to avoid it (I bike everywhere, then you just have to worry about potholes but otherwise you're fine), but wearing baggy clothes helps a little bit, using my hair to cover things up does as well.

Because I’m constantly trying to move as little as possible, I can be quite clumsy. It messes with my balance.

 

So, cis girls, do you relate to any of this? Do you subconsciously restrict your movement to keep things from moving? Or is this crazytalk to you?

Nb’s and transguys? What about you?

 

Basically I'm trying to find out if this is due to the shame society teaches us to have around female bodies (because female bodies/sexuality is shameful and taboo and you should be modest and stuff), ór if this is due to the countless random men who have ogled, groped and commented on my body ever since I was 12, ór if this is due to dysphoria.

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CBC

I get it. I'm not sure I feel up to delving super deeply into it right now, but I have a lot of body issues and shame and very much abhor attention. (I'm sexual and gay, if that's relevant.) It's one of many factors in my struggle with an eating disorder for the past 18+ years, and also ties into some sensory processing stuff for me. I also don't like clothing that accentuates having a feminine shape at all, and the only times I've been ok with wearing more closely-fitting things are when I've been at very low weights where most people are unlikely to sexualise my body. Figuring out and becoming more comfortable with my sexuality has helped a little, but it's not the cure-all. I don't really experience strong gender dysphoria... I'm AFAB and fine identifying that way... but I really don't care to be perceived as highly feminine either physically or personality-wise, or to have my body admired for its femininity.

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Coddiwomple

I experience the same thing to a lesser extent. However, I don't really think I'd be happier identifying as something other than female, and it doesn't bother me much, so I don't care that much about whether it's dysphoria or just me being insecure. But for you, I'm not sure if that'd be considered dysphoria or not.

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Thea2

I’m cis, but I don’t want things to “jiggle” either.

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TheAP

I'm often self-conscious in public and don't like to be looked at, but I chalk that down to autism rather than anything to do with gender or my body.

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SweetTart

Personally I try to walk slowly if I'm wearing shorts to keep my thighs from jiggling as I'm really self conscious about that. I think for me it's more of a self-conscious thing. I'd also rather not have my chest moving around because I don't want people staring there, makes me uncomfortable.

 

I'd say it's really more of a personal thing, it can be caused by dysphoria or something else entirely.

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StormySky

I have small boobs so it's not as big of an issue (I don't experience much jiggle even when running up and down stairs, playing with dogs outside, jumping on a trampoline)

But if I was busty, I'd be annoyed as heck and try to reduce it as much as possible.

 

I don't wear revealing clothes, cause it's just not my style.

 

I've never been insecure. In fact, I'm so confident sometimes people are... intimidated? 

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Lichley

I know the feeling of not wanting things to “jiggle”, it’s uncomfortable. It could just be self-consciousness and being aware that people are looking at you when you do these sorts of activities.  

At the same time I won’t say that it isn’t necessarily gender dysphoria because there can be Subtle Gender Dysphoria although that usually comes with other things you don’t necessarily notice. I for one didn’t notice that I would actively avoid looking at my bare body in the mirror, or that I wrap a hoodie around my waist to cover my curves until I questioned myself as to why I did these things in the first place. 

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Coddiwomple
8 minutes ago, Lichley said:

I for one didn’t notice that I would actively avoid looking at my bare body in the mirror

I do this too, and a few other things that could be chalked up to dysphoria, but they could also just be insecurity.

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Lady Constellation

I experience that to an extent. It's not quite as severe as you have it, and it doesn't happen all the time, but I am self-conscious about those things too.

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Tofu Soup with Rice

I identify as female (albeit I lean towards less feminine expression) and sometimes right before I start my period (or during ovulation), I find myself wishing I didn’t have  genetialia at all anymore. I also don’t like it when my boobs jiggle (to the point of wearing minimizer bras in high school), especially when I’m excercising (makes it hard to wear the tight leotard I have to wear for gymnastics). I think the latter is pretty common for cis women, though, especially women in your circumstance. (I have Autism BTW).

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Nowhere Girl

Well, it depends.

I'm not a fit person and some movements which are normal for a healthy person are impossible for me. For example, I just can't run - I have never been able to run more than 300 meters without stopping and I'm very slow anyway (still, I can walk rather fast). I only feel uncomfortable with some "female bits" being visible - I have some breast dysphoria (I'm not trans, but I just can't accept my boobs exactly because of my asexuality), so I either wear loose shirts/tunics/robes/T-shirts or a binder under those which aren't so loose. As for other stuff - apart from health-related restrictions, I haven't noticed any other problems. My gait is heavy, probably more masculine than feminine, I call it "tundra steps" because it looks a bit as if I was walking in deep snow*. But I can't be sure whether I walk this way just because I am heavy, not fit and have had knee injuries, or also in order not to look too feminine, sassy and sexy.

 

*I took the phrase itself from one of reportages from Russia by the Polish journalist Jacek Hugo-Bader, "Princess of the Khants". The fragment itself was meant to show russification of non-Russian ethnicities in Russia, which is a concern by itself, but anyway I just liked the phrase.

"Nenets girls [the Nenets are one of the nations which inhabit Siberia, probably distant relatives of Native Americans] showed a Russian folk dance [at a school performance]. It's done by moving feet in such tiny steps to prevent a floor-length dress from even moving. The Nenets, who are used since centuries to walking across the snow in huge stompers, walk in a very clumsy manner with big tundra steps. They sway heavily when walking. The girls, forced to perform a dance which was so contrary to their nature, looked grotesque."

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Kia9Mera

I know how you feel, I felt much the same when I was young. I think it had more to do with the fact that I hated being noticed in any way and constantly worried about what people would think about the way I looked. I was very self conscious about my body when I was a young woman but now that I'm an old lady I don't give a shit. As long as I'm physically comfortable in whatever clothing I happen to be wearing, its all good. I do wish they could make a bra that was actual comfortable because I do hate to jiggle in public. 😜

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utca

I do get some of that. I hate jumping jacks, running, and jump rope at krav class because I can see myself jiggling in the gym mirrors and I hate it. I do worry that people are looking and thinking about them. It's kinda reinforced for me, because when I was 11 or so one of my male classmates came up to me and asked me if I'd gotten a boob job. 😕 So I am super self-conscious and people have mentioned them to me in the past. I avoid movements where I will definitely jiggle, but I don't avoid walking (not for that reason anyway).

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little fish

When I was a kid yes. Honestly it's not really something I bother to think about anymore, every one has a part of their body that jiggles. We're made of flesh.

 

I'm cis female. I wear very tight clothing to keep everything in place, mostly around my legs as I have a small chest. (but loose clothes also annoy me- maybe because of my suspected autism I hate if it lightly touches or wind blows though my clothing) And yes I have long hair too because I feel like I can hide from the world a little better. 

 

This is going to sound very weird but I like how peoples bodies move, not in a sexual way but kind of like watching a fishes fins move with the flow of water, so does a humans body to movement, and it's beautiful. For example slow motion shots of athletes hitting or jumping you can see their whole body react. (not only athletes, just an example)

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HayaH
3 hours ago, Laurann said:

Nb’s and transguys? What about you?

We are trans and we took our body as our wife (solution which we found, because we are not in position for transition or surgery, and marriage eliminates dysphoria almost to zero).

We actually realized that we always were extremely jealous if other men watched our body, so we just wanted to hide her, from always.

As we are aware now of ourselves, in union with our body, all truly was pure jealousy.

We weren't attracted sexually in others as in our own body, ever... So we admitted it to ourselves.

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vmdraco
2 hours ago, Laurann said:

Basically I'm trying to find out if this is due to the shame society teaches us to have around female bodies (because female bodies/sexuality is shameful and taboo and you should be modest and stuff), ór if this is due to the countless random men who have ogled, groped and commented on my body ever since I was 12, ór if this is due to dysphoria.

Honestly it could be all of these reasons combined.  I can relate to what you're saying about restricting movement, though.  I remember always feeling uncomfortable with my body taking up space so to speak.  Moving around a lot felt embarrassing, unless I was jogging at night where no one would see me.  That and so I could avoid being cat called, which is less of a problem now since I'm presenting as masculine and my legs are hairy as fuck, so no straight guy wants a piece of that.  I guess one way to work around it is to just take up space like a dude does.  I know once I started doing that, putting myself into square-shaped positions when I sit, it's kinda freeing.  Even to this day I still get urges to cross my legs, that's how deep the social conditioning goes.  

 

It's not really our fault, it's ingrained into us when we're little by our parents, and we don't know any better so we copy them based on the perceptions of our sex when we popped out.  I never considered that it could be dysphoria, but as someone who binds in order to alleviate it, I know any movement faster than a fast walk makes my upper body jiggle due to my fucking fat globs being D's and it makes me want to rip my skin off.      

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mreid

I don't like the jiggle either and I don't like to wear anything that draws attention to my chest, although I never had much issue with the other areas.

 

Before I found out I was intolerant to soy, dairy and gluten they were messing up my hormones which made me plumper around some areas. Now that plumpness is mostly gone and my chest is smaller (it was already small, but I like it that way), which I prefer. I am realizing that I actually look a bit androgynous.

 

I never liked to draw attention to myself. It wasn't something that society or my family brainwashed into, actually it was quite the opposite and I got criticized by many people for being too tomboy-ish, and been told that I should show my shape more. I don't like that kind of attention, I think it's creepy and even dangerous, and I don't want to be thought of in that way.

 

My behind used to be plump (pretty much gone now, thankfully) and I got cat-calls and guys approaching me because of my body. I hated it, and never want to be in that position again.

 

I don't hate men though, only jerks who do that.

 

I don't think feeling this way is strange, I think it's actually quite sane not to want to attract that kind of attention.

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Anthracite_Impreza
5 hours ago, Laurann said:

Nb’s and transguys? What about you?

I have a binder for this very reason, one of the best things I've ever done.

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whitetulips
22 hours ago, Laurann said:

So, cis girls, do you relate to any of this?

I'm cis and I only sometimes restrict my moves because I'm worried that I will draw attention to some of my body parts. But, it's not because I feel uncomfortable about having them, it's because I don't feel comfortable around some men. 

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whitetulips
19 hours ago, little fish said:

I have long hair too because I feel like I can hide from the world a little better. 

That's the reason why I have my bangs. Covering your face with hair really works if you want some privacy lol.

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Serran

I hate when my body "jiggles" - but that's mostly physical discomfort. The main source of societal discomfort is the fact my nipples like to show through even with bras on. *sigh* 

 

But, lack of confidence in ones body can cause one to hide it, no matter your gender. Dysphoria makes sense as a reason to not want the feminine parts to be out there and noticed. 

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InquisitivePhilosopher
23 hours ago, Laurann said:

...I realized that I constantly subconsciously worry about not drawing attention to my body (you know, the female bits), to the point that I don’t really move freely. I don’t want things to jiggle (sorry for that word, I hate it, but don’t know what other word to use).

I keep my arms close to my body. I’m tense. I don't make sudden movements. I don’t jump. I don’t run. I definitely don't dance. I've always held back when playing sports...So, cis girls, do you relate to any of this? Do you subconsciously restrict your movement to keep things from moving? Or is this crazytalk to you?

Nb’s and transguys? What about you?

 

Basically I'm trying to find out if this is due to the shame society teaches us to have around female bodies (because female bodies/sexuality is shameful and taboo and you should be modest and stuff), ór if this is due to the countless random men who have ogled, groped and commented on my body ever since I was 12, ór if this is due to dysphoria.

:) Hi. No, of course this isn't "crazytalk;" it's understandable. Most of the time, when I was growing up, I didn't really hold myself back from playing sports, for fear of attracting unwanted attention with my body because it didn't really attract that much attention (one classmate sexually harassed me by putting his body onto mine, but that was when my chest hadn't grown or developed at all, yet) because my chest either hadn't grown, yet, or since it grew small, into, I guess, an A cup, I really didn't notice or pay attention to them, much, until they started to grow and ache, later on. I disliked the growing pains.

 

But, now that I'm older, I've sometimes felt more self-conscious about my chest sticking out after receiving catcalls and having a couple of older men come up to me, desperately wanting a physical relationship (even though it's still, I think, an A cup, they still sometimes feel to me as though they're large because they still stick out when wearing shirts). But, since sometimes, strangers express their opinion that I'm male to their friends or relatives, I don't feel as self-conscious about my chest or as worried about being harassed.

 

I don't remember growing up being told anything about my body needing to be covered up or that female bodies were shameful because my chest was small or not noticeable to people; they often thought I was a very young child who hadn't developed, yet, as though adults don't have small breasts, but only large ones. I only remember feeling uncomfortable about growing into an adult, with a female body, during sex ed class in fifth grade: I just didn't like the idea of sex being expected of me when I was older, nor of menstruation and the idea that my body could/would be able to become pregnant when I didn't want it to.

 

For me, though, from reading or listening to some trans peoples' chest dysphoria, that their chest dysphoria is/was way stronger than the way I felt about my own. 

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Lichley
On 9/14/2018 at 10:58 PM, Coddiwomple said:

I do this too, and a few other things that could be chalked up to dysphoria, but they could also just be insecurity.

It’s a matter of all of the things together rather than just a few on their own. I just thought of that as an example >_> 

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Coddiwomple
16 minutes ago, Lichley said:

It’s a matter of all of the things together rather than just a few on their own. I just thought of that as an example >_> 

All the things together? Do you mean like other kinds of dysphoria? Can you maybe give some examples?

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Lichley
8 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

All the things together? Do you mean like other kinds of dysphoria? Can you maybe give some examples?

I meant more of a lot of kinds of things that make you uncomfortable about your body as a whole could be a hint towards overall dysphoria if there is a lot of them ... uh well Im bad at explaining things so if this just sounds like garabage then ignore it. 

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Coddiwomple
1 minute ago, Lichley said:

I meant more of a lot of kinds of things that make you uncomfortable about your body as a whole could be a hint towards overall dysphoria if there is a lot of them

Oh. Well, I don't have a lot of things, I guess. I mean, I don't really want to lose the female parts of my body or anything, I just feel insecure about them sometimes, which is probably normal. That's why I don't think I experience dysphoria.

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Luftschlosseule
On 9/14/2018 at 11:20 PM, Laurann said:

Basically I'm trying to find out if this is due to the shame society teaches us to have around female bodies (because female bodies/sexuality is shameful and taboo and you should be modest and stuff), ór if this is due to the countless random men who have ogled, groped and commented on my body ever since I was 12, ór if this is due to dysphoria.

Sounds to me like a combination of the first two. Let's face it, you get bombed from an early age on that you have to be pretty or else you're worthless. On the other hand, if something happens, "you've had it coming". If you have such a load of negative experiences regarding to how people react to your body, small wonder you want to hide and do everything to prevent drawing attention to it.

 

I am sorry you have to go through this.

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Deus Ex Infinity
On 9/14/2018 at 11:20 PM, Laurann said:

So there’s this thing I do, and I was wondering if it’s ‘normal’ or if it’s dysphoria.

 

I realized that I constantly subconsciously worry about not drawing attention to my body (you know, the female bits), to the point that I don’t really move freely. I don’t want things to jiggle (sorry for that word, I hate it, but don’t know what other word to use).

I keep my arms close to my body. I’m tense. I don't make sudden movements. I don’t jump. I don’t run. I definitely don't dance. I've always held back when playing sports.

Walking in public is already incredibly uncomfortable and I tend to avoid it (I bike everywhere, then you just have to worry about potholes but otherwise you're fine), but wearing baggy clothes helps a little bit, using my hair to cover things up does as well.

Because I’m constantly trying to move as little as possible, I can be quite clumsy. It messes with my balance.

 

So, cis girls, do you relate to any of this? Do you subconsciously restrict your movement to keep things from moving? Or is this crazytalk to you?

Nb’s and transguys? What about you?

I'm pretty ok with my body as such but don't like to dress up in super high feminie "sexy" fashion at all. I'm not afraid of my physical appearance or sexual attraction (there isn't any either way). I just don't like the feeling and general look of it. I've always been into casual street wear (baggy unisex fashion) I don't like my breasts, butt or other female body parts so there's absolutedly no reason to make them stand out.  I often use binders or tight sport bras to keep my androgynous boyish style in place. It's much easy to move or walk around without drawing too much attention to myself.

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