Lonelyjackal

I think I might be asexual

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Lonelyjackal

So this is slightly awkward. I’ve never really posted on a forum like this before, so bear with me. 

 

I’ve never really experienced sexual attraction to anyone, or even arousal for that matter (I don’t think). I’m honestly not sure I’d even recognize it if it happened. I’ve fantasized about having sex, but it was never... fulfilling? Kind of like watching a poorly-scripted movie scene. IKEA sex. Insert Tab A into Slot B. 

 

I think I might only even fantasize about it because it just seems like the thing to do? Like, people put all this emphasis on sex and masturbation and desire, as if these are things I should want or be constantly thinking about. But I don’t want them. I have zero desire to have sex, or to masturbate, or “experiment.” 

 

I can appreciate an attractive man, a handsome face, a nice suit, piercing eyes. I can daydream about cuddling in bed, or draping myself over a broad chest like a blanket. If I stretch my imagination, I can even picture some kissing. But I don’t feel the need to have sex with him, even in my own head. 

 

As a person whose only experience with dating has been one movie over five years ago, I sometimes wonder if maybe I’m just... defective, somehow. My coworkers are pairing up, talking about their sex lives, commiserating with each other and bragging about the great “dicking” they had. Meanwhile, I’m sitting over here trying to wrap my head around why this is so important, or so attractive a prospect.

 

It’s a little surprising that it’s taken me so many years to accept that I might be asexual. Even just typing it seems almost forbidden, as if I’m breaking some kind of taboo. I want love. I want a boyfriend or a husband to cherish and kiss and hug and sleep beside, someday. The idea of having sex both frightens and slightly repulses me. I’d be willing to give my metaphorical future lover handjobs, or what other sort of non-intercourse thing they might require, but sex?

 

No. 

 

So I guess what I’m getting at with this rambling post is that I’m trying to both accept and determine that I might be, at the very least, gray-asexual. 

 

Am I? Is it normal, to think that I might be anything but your garden-variety vanilla straight woman? Is it allowed? Is it valid? I’m not just grasping at straws, a silly girl who’ll grow out of it once I’ve met the right person?

 

I’m 25 years old and the closest I’ve gotten to what I think might be arousal was brief tingling. I’m 25 years old and about as interested in sex as I am a boot to the face. 

 

I’m 25 years old and accepting that, maybe, it’s okay? Maybe it’s okay to not want sex? To expose this, here, now, like it’s a sordid secret I could never tell a soul. Only it’s not a secret. It’s a scab, a wound, a thing lanced and finally, finally, able to heal. 

 

I think I might be asexual. And that’s okay. 

 

 

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MaeveTheRaven

Hey, welcome home! Here, have some cake! 🍰

 

Ok, so first of all, do you write? You should write. Your writing skills are amazing.

 

Anyway, back to your problem: there might be some details I am not aware of, but by your description you seem fairly ace for me. Especially the IKEA sex part. That's exactly how I described my smut-writing skills to my friends. Also fantasizing because you think you have to - been there, done that. So if you ask me, you're probably ace.

 

So the next really important thing: it's not an illness. Not a wound. It is no change either, it's just a part of you that you didn't have a name for, until now. Facing it is a nice and brave step towards acceptance.

 

So welcome home, Jackal. I hope you'll like it here. :)

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MichaelTannock

Welcome to AVEN!

 

9 hours ago, Lonelyjackal said:

I’ve never really experienced sexual attraction to anyone,

Then you're Asexual.

 

Fantasies don't count, and an Asexual can experience other forms of attraction, like Aesthetic or Sensual attraction.

You might find this often posted image helpful,

zlo2z.jpg

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TheAP

It sounds like you're asexual. And yes, it is okay to question your identity.

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