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How Do Asexuals Find Eachother?


Steph_Catherine

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Steph_Catherine

Whilst I'd like to believe that there are more of us (Asexuals who really don't want to compromise on sex and don't want it at all) out there than we actually think, how do we go about meeting others if we want that romantic bond with someone but without the sex? I've tried things like Tinder for years, before I realised I was asexual, now I've deleted the app as I've deemed it pointless for the sort of person I'm looking for. What do you reccomend? What do others use or go to to find potential partners? I would really like that companionship in a person, someone who I can emotionally connect with and look after eachother. I just can't seem to fathom how asexuals meet eachother? Especially if we're not concerning the internet. I've always said I've love to meet people in person somewhere, anywhere! Not online. But as I now identify as asexual, the chances of meeting someone like that by chance in person just seems ridiculously slim

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What's wrong with online?

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Steph_Catherine
1 minute ago, CBC said:

What's wrong with online?

Nothing's wrong with it, I just personally find that I prefer meeting someone new in person. Especially if they're a potential partner. I connect with people better in person. Just had bad experiences of dating apps I guess. Just would like to meet people the old fashioned way lol

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i've been wanting to meet up and hang out with other asexuals too. i live in clearwater florida. it gets boring being at home all the time. 

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Yeah, sadly meeting an asexual simply by chance offline is quite slim. There is a meet up market here, where you can meet up with people in your area. But I am not sure if that interests you or not.

 

 

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Steph_Catherine
1 minute ago, NerotheReaper said:

Yeah, sadly meeting an asexual simply by chance offline is quite slim. There is a meet up market here, where you can meet up with people in your area. But I am not sure if that interests you or not.

 

 

Oh no, I didn't know that was around. What category is that in? I'm not against meeting people online, i just prefer to meet people in person if I can. At the moment, I'm not even sure how to go about meeting asexuals online tbh lol But I'll look into what you suggested :) So thanks!

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2 of my family members are aro ace. One is hetero ace. 3 of my close school friends are, 2 of my friends headcannon ace. One of my friends said she knows a heteroromantic ace. 

 

I've never had to look far so I don't really know (I just hang out with weird music people, and also book/movie/travel obsessed people. But maybe correlation not causation.)

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28 minutes ago, Steph_Catherine said:

Oh no, I didn't know that was around. What category is that in? I'm not against meeting people online, i just prefer to meet people in person if I can. At the moment, I'm not even sure how to go about meeting asexuals online tbh lol But I'll look into what you suggested :) So thanks!

 

You can check out the meetup market we have here, hopefully it works out for you! 

 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/

 

 

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Steph_Catherine
5 minutes ago, NerotheReaper said:

 

You can check out the meetup market we have here, hopefully it works out for you! 

 

https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/12-meetup-mart/

 

 

Oh, that one! Yes, I have found that :) Possibly attending my local one but I'm a bit nervous as I've never attended a meet up like this before 👀

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Anthracite_Impreza

Specially trained bloodhounds ;)

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If it helps at all, I was opposed to online dating originally until I decided that if any Asexual apps/websites opened up, I'd give it a shot. I also prefer meeting people in person, but I'd never dated another Asexual and thought that might be my best bet. And even if nothing ever happened with it, well, at least I'd try. 

 

First I tried ACEapp, which still has quite a few bugs and things but it was easy enough to set up a profile on there. I'm assuming it has a similar thing to Tinder with the swiping, but I've never done Tinder so I don't know how similar the two are. I've deleted it at this point though.

Then a new website was released called MeetAces.com - And it was through that website that I have my current boyfriend of just over one month so far. We signed up within a few days of each other and once we started talking we just didn't stop, pretty much. But the website has a nice layout and a nice set of questions on the profile page for you to flesh out who you are, what you like, that sort of stuff.

 

That being said, with online there's a chance you might meet someone who isn't in the same area (hence my current long-distance situation) but you may also meet someone from your area, who knows. Just know that there are options out there, if you end up giving online a shot. ^-^ Definitely keep the hope. I know it can be hard as an Ace to feel like there's someone out there, but I believe life works in funny ways sometimes and you never know who you might run into or where. Even if you don't do online, as slim as the chances may seem, I think a right person can still walk into your life- just know what you're looking for and hope that it's looking for you, too.

 

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This site worked out pretty well for me (married for almost a month now, known for 4 years).

 

It isn't a dating site, but that doesn't mean you can't identify with, reach out, and form connections with people here anyway.

 

You're not going to have an easy time just finding asexual people in meatspace without the help of the internet in some wayshapeorform, and therefore potentially having to deal with distanced interactions.  Sucks, but it is what it is.  Unlike straights, gays, and bis, most aces only know they're ace because of the internet.  The dynamic tends to be quite a bit different as a result (that and we're also a lot fewer in number)

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I'm inclined to think that i'm more likely to find a pink colored unicorn that farts rainbows than meet another asexual person in person by chance.

Even if I meet an ace by some miracle, i most probably would never realize they are asexual.

Thats a huge problem in itself. Aces need to make themselves identifiable. Some wear a ring, but most dont. 

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I found the meet up area on AVEN was great for meeting other asexuals, I highly suggest checking it out 😊 You might be surprised at the number who turn up to a meet. 

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On 9/13/2018 at 6:10 PM, Steph_Catherine said:

But as I now identify as asexual, the chances of meeting someone like that by chance in person just seems ridiculously slim

Well what I can say is that a few months ago I met a fellow ace just by chance. I had not dated in while but I decided to give it chance a few months ago by making my first online profile. I am not kidding, but within a matter of days I had found the best girl ever! :) We were out on our first date within a matter of days and then that turned into the best relationship I have ever had. It did not end up working out, if interested I talk about it here, but there is someone out there for you!

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Steph_Catherine

Thank you guys :) I've joined MeetAce and AceApp so I guess it's a waiting game and we'll see if I find anybody lol

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Guest Deus Ex Infinity

I think AVEN is actually the best, most reliable trustworthy place to meet other asexuals. I've heard from many successful RL meet-ups too. You should definitedly check out the "meet up market" :)

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On 9/13/2018 at 11:15 PM, CBC said:

What's wrong with online?

As I see it, many things. Words and static pictures -if you are lucky- cannot be a substitute for seeing the person live in front of you. Video-based meeting websites would be an improvement, but at the moment online profiles are usually a mystery.

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I didn't necessarily mean dating sites. I've met and become close to both romantic partners and platonic friends online, but never via sites or apps designed to meet people. I prefer the more organic method of getting involved in communities and forming connections with other members. Pretty much everyone I've met that way has been very honest.

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On 9/14/2018 at 2:34 AM, DayDreamer~ said:

If it helps at all, I was opposed to online dating originally until I decided that if any Asexual apps/websites opened up, I'd give it a shot. I also prefer meeting people in person, but I'd never dated another Asexual and thought that might be my best bet. And even if nothing ever happened with it, well, at least I'd try. 

 

First I tried ACEapp, which still has quite a few bugs and things but it was easy enough to set up a profile on there. I'm assuming it has a similar thing to Tinder with the swiping, but I've never done Tinder so I don't know how similar the two are. I've deleted it at this point though.

Then a new website was released called MeetAces.com - And it was through that website that I have my current boyfriend of just over one month so far. We signed up within a few days of each other and once we started talking we just didn't stop, pretty much. But the website has a nice layout and a nice set of questions on the profile page for you to flesh out who you are, what you like, that sort of stuff.

 

That being said, with online there's a chance you might meet someone who isn't in the same area (hence my current long-distance situation) but you may also meet someone from your area, who knows. Just know that there are options out there, if you end up giving online a shot. ^-^ Definitely keep the hope. I know it can be hard as an Ace to feel like there's someone out there, but I believe life works in funny ways sometimes and you never know who you might run into or where. Even if you don't do online, as slim as the chances may seem, I think a right person can still walk into your life- just know what you're looking for and hope that it's looking for you, too.

 

 

I happen to have just tried AceApp and although I restricted the search to SE England I would still see profiles from Brazil or the US instead. What's worse, just a dozen or so. I think the app has been around for over one year yet it doesn't seem to have become very popular.

I didn't know about MeetAces.com and I'm going to give it a try, thank you. I must say the chances for an aro female/ aro female match look at best slim, but hey if nothing else it's going to be entertaining. Hope you will forgive me for not sharing your optimism about casual encounters. Life isn't that unpredictable, after all.

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13 minutes ago, CBC said:

I didn't necessarily mean dating sites. I've met and become close to both romantic partners and platonic friends online, but never via sites or apps designed to meet people. I prefer the more organic method of getting involved in communities and forming connections with other members. Pretty much everyone I've met that way has been very honest.

We have a different experience here. I never met any significant others from talking on forums or commenting on blogs. I guess it's a matter of "dating" pool.

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On 9/18/2018 at 6:44 PM, calmao said:

there is someone out there for you!

It depends on who and what you are looking for. A heteroromantic relationship is no doubt easier to find than an aromantic unusual connection between females.

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12 minutes ago, lilsunflower said:

We have a different experience here. I never met any significant others from talking on forums or commenting on blogs. I guess it's a matter of "dating" pool.

Maybe, maybe not. I'm a chronically physically and mentally ill gay chick (and I believed I was asexual for years) and I've long struggled to relate to and connect well with other people. I'm a weirdo loner with a mountain of baggage. I'm not exactly someone who's in high demand and I don't even really know about the dating pool for people like me. Lest it sound like I've had loads of relationships and friendships because of online communities, I haven't. Just that the people I have found and connected with have been very genuine.

 

I'm sorry you've not had similar experiences.

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1 minute ago, CBC said:

Lest it sound like I've had loads of relationships and friendships because of online communities, I haven't. Just that the people I have found and connected with have all been very genuine.

Ok it's clearer now, we meant different things. I was referring to searching for a significant other, not just finding nice people to talk to or even friends. 

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I'm including that type of relationship. I've met two people that way. I was just also adding that I've found some friends as well, and making the point that genuine connections are possible.

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1 minute ago, CBC said:

I'm including that type of relationship. I've met two people that way. I was just also adding that I've found some friends as well, and making the point that genuine connections are possible.

Possible, why not. Likely to be found, that's another matter altogether. 

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Ok, well, what do you want me to say? Give up?

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I didn't ask you to say anything :)

Altough yes, I should probably give up.

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On 9/16/2018 at 9:35 PM, lazypanda said:

Aces need to make themselves identifiable. Some wear a ring, but most dont. 

It wouldn't make a difference in London, as people studiously avoid to look at each other anyway.

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On 9/18/2018 at 7:39 PM, Steph_Catherine said:

Thank you guys :) I've joined MeetAce and AceApp so I guess it's a waiting game and we'll see if I find anybody lol

My search with MeetAce is already over after an hour or so. Barely two pages of females 18-30 in the UK, mostly with no picture or profile information and looking for relationship with men. See, the weirder you are, the quicker you explore dating sites. 😆

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