Coddiwomple

Sexuals, when did you first experience sexual attraction?

Sexuals, when did you first experience sexual attraction?  

6 members have voted

  1. 1. When did you first experience sexual attraction?

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    • It's complicated (explain below if you feel like it)
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Coddiwomple

I'm curious what the average age is for sexual people to first experience sexual attraction. If you feel like sharing your experience as a sexual person, I'd greatly appreciate you answering the poll.

 

(I have edited this poll so that anyone who identifies as sexual can answer it. It used to be open only to allo/zedsexual people.)

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iff

What are zedsexuals?

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CBC

Lol, well I'm not "zedsexual" (assuming it means the same as "allosexual", which is also wholly unnecessary but perhaps marginally less ridiculous-sounding) and I refuse to identify as such. Would you guys please stop coming up with stupid words for us? How about "normal sexual" if you really need a term? <_< 

 

At any rate, I don't quite know how to answer your question. Whilst it's technically possible to distinguish between different types of non-platonic interest in someone, I don't. They go hand in hand for me. So when I had a crush on someone at the age of, say, 14, that was a manifestation of my sexuality relative to my development and maturity at the time, despite the fact that I definitely didn't think "Oooh, I wanna fuck them!" I believe I was 11 or 12 when I had what I first identified as a crush, and maybe 15 or so when I wondered what it would be like to have sex with someone (but I didn't actually want to do so). I was 18 when I first kissed someone and 24 the first time I actually had sex. That's about the best answer I can give you. 

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Coddiwomple
16 hours ago, iff said:

What are zedsexuals?

The same thing as allosexual. It means a person who is not on the ace spectrum; a person who experiences what most people would consider a typical amount of sexual attraction.

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Coddiwomple
15 hours ago, CBC said:

Lol, well I'm not "zedsexual" (assuming it means the same as "allosexual", which is also wholly unnecessary but perhaps marginally less ridiculous-sounding) and I refuse to identify as such. Would you guys please stop coming up with stupid words for us? How about "normal sexual" if you really need a term? <_< 

 

"Normal sexual" makes some people on the asexual spectrum feel like they're being othered, which I get. I don't understand how a useful term such as zedsexual or allosexual is "wholly unnecessary".

 

15 hours ago, CBC said:

Whilst it's technically possible to distinguish between different types of non-platonic interest in someone, I don't. They go hand in hand for me.

That's interesting, I guess I always assumed most people were able to differentiate different types of attraction, because I'm usually able to differentiate types of attraction. I'll add another answer for "it's complicated". Thanks for sharing.

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CBC
11 minutes ago, Coddiwomple said:

"Normal sexual" makes some people on the asexual spectrum feel like they're being othered,

Which is exactly why I suggested it. Facetiously. Asexuals don't like to be called not normal, and that's entirely understandable and I would never do that. Just as most sexual people don't like to be given weird and unnecessary labels by asexuals.

 

And I mean yeah, I can definitely differentiate. I just don't need to, because it's pretty likely that if I develop significant romantic feelings for someone, it would tie in with sexual desire for them.

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Coddiwomple
5 minutes ago, CBC said:

Which is exactly why I suggested it. Facetiously. Asexuals don't like to be called not normal, and that's entirely understandable and I would never do that. Just as most sexual people don't like to be given weird and unnecessary labels by asexuals.

 

I don't really understand your logic. First of all, how is allosexual/zedsexual unnecessary? It's more helpful than "sexual", because that could arguably include demisexuals, graysexuals, and the like. Also, because you seem to think allosexual is more acceptable than zedsexual, I use zedsexual instead of allosexual because it literally means "other-sexual", which is kind of othering allosexuals, no?

11 minutes ago, CBC said:

And I mean yeah, I can definitely differentiate. I just don't need to, because it's pretty likely that if I develop significant romantic feelings for someone, it would tie in with sexual desire for them.

That's very interesting. Has it always been that way, or since you reached a certain age/level of maturity?

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CBC

I don't particularly like either term, and I consider demisexual and grey-asexuals to be sexual, so I don't really know that there's a need for anything besides 'asexual' and 'sexual'. If necessary in the context of discussion in an asexual-majority community, I've always just said 'non-asexual'.

 

As for the second bit, I... really don't know how to answer haha. I probably have a different story than most sexual people, in that I used to think I was perhaps somewhere in the asexual realm of things. I've never had a strong libido or really cared much about sex outside of wanting to connect that way with someone I love, so feeling attracted to someone, like having a casual crush, is not something that I innately linked to "I want to fuck them". It's all just that same feeling that involves the proverbial "butterflies in your stomach" type of thing. Limerence, I guess? I didn't really figure my shit out sexuality-wise until my late 20s/early 30s, and after I connected with someone of my preferred gender and discovered that wanting to share sexual experiences with them was simply an extension of all the other feelings. My prior experience had been in an opposite-sex relationship, and it always felt uncomfortable to me. I'm apparently capable of crushes on guys, but actually interacting with them romantically and sexually doesn't feel right to me. Once things clicked, what other people talked about actually made sense. So yeah, I can differentiate the nature of certain activities... for example, making a meal for someone or writing them a letter or buying them a meaningful gift are romantic, and sending them NSFW messages or making out or, well, having sex, are sexual. And I can easily differentiate between being in a romantic mood and being in a sexual one (although the former would likely lead to the latter in many cases). But it's all tied into the same basic feeling.

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Coddiwomple
58 minutes ago, CBC said:

I don't particularly like either term, and I consider demisexual and grey-asexuals to be sexual, so I don't really know that there's a need for anything besides 'asexual' and 'sexual'. If necessary in the context of discussion in an asexual-majority community, I've always just said 'non-asexual'.

Well if you don't want to use the word, I can't stop you. But I still think it can be useful.

 

And thanks for sharing your experiences. :)

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CBC

Fair enough. I just like to keep language as simple and straightforward as possible. It's easier and much more understandable to people if those who aren't asexual are just called 'non-asexual'. No one has to ask what it means.

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daveb

Sometimes I use the term "non-ace" (informally) or "sexual" to differentiate from ace/asexual people. I never encountered "zedsexual" before and "allosexual" sounds a bit clinical.

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Nowhere Girl

To be honest, I definitely prefer the word "allosexual". Just "sexual" sounds kinda brutal to me - I can't help it, I just feel so. Whenever I read it, I can't help feeling as if "being sexual" was something else than just "experiencing sexual attraction" - it feels like being defined by one's sexual desire and activity, in my involuntary reading "sexual" thus, in a way, gets close to "hypersexual". I would also say that it's not clear enough - "sexual" has a clear meaning, but it still has many shades and contexts of meaning and taking it to mean "not asexual" just doesn't feel automatic enough for me.

 

Btw, how is "zedsexual" built? Does that "zed" mean anything by itself? Please keep a tiny bit of order when creating new terms - for example borrowing all morphemes used in a new term from a single language should be preferred, and when not possible - Greek and Latin go much better together, by virtue of tradition, than for example Latin and English...

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Alejandrogynous
10 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Btw, how is "zedsexual" built? Does that "zed" mean anything by itself?

Maybe it's supposed to be 'zed' as in the letter Z, like the farthest you can get from the letter A as possible.

 

Either way, I think it's dumb and that 'sexual' doesn't need a special word when it already is a word that works perfectly fine.

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Nowhere Girl
11 hours ago, Alejandrogynous said:

Maybe it's supposed to be 'zed' as in the letter Z, like the farthest you can get from the letter A as possible.

Is it spelled "zed" or "zet" in English?

Anyway, if it's supposed to mean the letter, this is exactly unscientific word formation. I don't fetishise science, I would even say that I distrust it whenever it claims to have full explanations for anything related to our inner lives. But if something is meant to be a quasi-scientific term, it should be built like a scientific term. Not every morpheme goes well with any other morpheme.

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Alejandrogynous
3 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Is it spelled "zed" or "zet" in English?

I believe it's 'zed' in British English, at least. And damn, I was mostly joking when I first typed that but I just looked it up and I think that really is how they came up with it. Yeah, I don't like 'allo' either but at least it's based on something more than the ABC's, lol.

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Coddiwomple
On 9/12/2018 at 6:40 PM, daveb said:

Sometimes I use the term "non-ace" (informally) or "sexual" to differentiate from ace/asexual people. I never encountered "zedsexual" before and "allosexual" sounds a bit clinical.

That's fair. I find the terms useful myself, but I understand if other people don't care for them.

 

On 9/12/2018 at 6:40 PM, Nowhere Girl said:

Btw, how is "zedsexual" built? Does that "zed" mean anything by itself?

@Alejandrogynous got it exactly right:

 

On 9/12/2018 at 6:59 PM, Alejandrogynous said:

Maybe it's supposed to be 'zed' as in the letter Z, like the farthest you can get from the letter A as possible.

 

 

13 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

if it's supposed to mean the letter, this is exactly unscientific word formation.

Yeah, true. I don't think it's meant to be a scientific word, that would probably be allosexual or just "sexual". I use the word only because it's the best option available, in my opinion.

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okir fokir

First, I would like to echo literally everything @CBC said. I answered the poll (I was 23-24) but I don’t identify as “zedsexual,” I identify as sexual. I suppose “demisexual” applies to me but like CBC said, I consider that sexual so I don’t find the term necessary.

 

Not sure how anyone who hasn’t “yet” experienced sexual attraction would answer a poll for sexuals, as they would likely currently identify as asexual. (That may not be the case for most people off of AVEN but since they’re already on AVEN...) 

 

It didn’t even occur to me that “zedsexual” was referring to the letter Z. (Which I say as Zee...) My first thought was “Who is Zed??” I assumed it was an overly specific label for people attracted to whatever/whoever Zed was.

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Coddiwomple
16 hours ago, okir fokir said:

I don’t identify as “zedsexual,” I identify as sexual.

That's fine, identify as whatever you want. I won't care about your language use if you don't care about mine.

 

16 hours ago, okir fokir said:

Not sure how anyone who hasn’t “yet” experienced sexual attraction would answer a poll for sexuals, as they would likely currently identify as asexual.

That's true, but I've never experienced sexual attraction and I don't identify as asexual for various reasons. But yeah, I'm going to remove it from the poll anyway because now that you point it out, if you've not yet experienced sexual attraction you probably shouldn't be answering this poll.

 

Thanks for answering the poll! :D

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