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Wandering Around

Sexual Wife/Asexual Husband - It's A Hard Life

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Fiefsho
On 10/24/2018 at 10:52 PM, uhtred said:

If you are in a relationship with a sexual person and it seems that they are "getting over" wanting sex.  It is likely because they are also getting over loving you.  They may go through motions, buy flowers, cook dinner etc, say "I love you" the requisite number of times per day, but deep down they may have given up on love. 

Uhtred - your words have resonated with me. My ace partner and I have split up four weeks ago after nine years together. Sex has always been an important way to connect emotionally for me and is hugely tied to how I love and want to be loved. I love my exboyfriend so much but over the years it became harder and harder and I realised I was going through the motions you described. It was a horrible shock to realise I had lost that love for him when he hadn't. We are staying friends and I really hope we find a way to have an intimate relationship that fufills us both. 

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Telecaster68

I split up with my functionally asexual wife a few months ago in much the same circumstances. Without sex and even more without any physical contact, I couldn't help becoming more withdrawn and our relationship turned into a slightly tense friendship. She seemed comfortable with this, though I think felt the tension too. 

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Rosaline

Hi @Wandering Around just wanted to say thanks for your post. Sadly, I don't have anything productive to add except that I know exactly how you feel and being in a position that can feel so damn emotionally isolating sometimes, it's nice to know I'm not entirely alone in this. I feel like I'm turning manic because I keep going back and forth in my head from thinking I can be celibate for the rest of my life because I love her, to feeling utterly bitter and resentful. For the longest time I had just been waiting for things to suddenly change one day- for the passion and desire from the first year or so of our relationship to return. But it's been almost 7 years and I'm finally at the point where I just don't know what to do anymore. Hang in there! 

 

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Blondbear
On 11/11/2018 at 9:27 PM, Telecaster68 said:

I split up with my functionally asexual wife a few months ago in much the same circumstances. Without sex and even more without any physical contact, I couldn't help becoming more withdrawn and our relationship turned into a slightly tense friendship. She seemed comfortable with this, though I think felt the tension too. 

 

Congratulations! I think that was the right step, you will be much happier"

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