HopeSeeker

Finding my identity, please help :)

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HopeSeeker

Hello!
I hope you guys/girls/all inbetween are able to help me out of my current crisis. I just came over the term "asexual" and out of curiosity I researched it. This all hit me like a bus, because I've been struggeling with sexual attraction ever since. I am a very unsure person, so I mostly need much time, research and others opinions to be sure of something. Thats why I am writing this now, to get your opinions, opinions from people who are familiar with the topic. 

This is the situation: I never really felt "like having sex" and often joked about it, trying to blend in with all the other teens whose sexuality slowly developed. I even got so far to try watching porn or writing and reading erotic literature. It was just interesting and felt more like research, it even brought up some feelings, but more a wiggly/ichy feeling, more uncomfortable and forced than anything close to "pleasure". At younger age I just had sex "because its normal, right?" (I'm 21 by now, just for information), by now I talked with my partner and to a doctor who both say it's just because I'm taking birth control pills. I did put them off for some time though and nothing has changed. I really love cuddles and hugs and every body-contact which has nothing to do with intimacy. Its just endlessly annoying and boring when my partner starts touching and grabbing my intimate areas. 

Whats making me sceptical now is the fact that I do like the feel of having an orgasm BUT I dont really need it and its more of a "now its done, I am relieved". I also never had one while having sex, only when I do it myself or about twice a year when my partner wont give up on "making me feel good" and I try to force it. 

I'm sorry for the wall of text, but I really wanted to mention every important thing...
I really hope I am at the right place for this question for advice. Am I asexual...? 

Thanks so much if you read this and answer me, it means a lot. 

Best wishes, 

Hope

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MichaelTannock

@HopeSeeker Welcome to AVEN!

 

I'd say you are Asexual. An Asexual can still be stimulated sexually and derive pleasure from it, they just don't experience Sexual Attraction, i.e. the desire to have sex with someone.

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Scooty
4 hours ago, HopeSeeker said:

Hello!
I hope you guys/girls/all inbetween are able to help me out of my current crisis. I just came over the term "asexual" and out of curiosity I researched it. This all hit me like a bus, because I've been struggeling with sexual attraction ever since. I am a very unsure person, so I mostly need much time, research and others opinions to be sure of something. Thats why I am writing this now, to get your opinions, opinions from people who are familiar with the topic. 

This is the situation: I never really felt "like having sex" and often joked about it, trying to blend in with all the other teens whose sexuality slowly developed. I even got so far to try watching porn or writing and reading erotic literature. It was just interesting and felt more like research, it even brought up some feelings, but more a wiggly/ichy feeling, more uncomfortable and forced than anything close to "pleasure". At younger age I just had sex "because its normal, right?" (I'm 21 by now, just for information), by now I talked with my partner and to a doctor who both say it's just because I'm taking birth control pills. I did put them off for some time though and nothing has changed. I really love cuddles and hugs and every body-contact which has nothing to do with intimacy. Its just endlessly annoying and boring when my partner starts touching and grabbing my intimate areas. 

Whats making me sceptical now is the fact that I do like the feel of having an orgasm BUT I dont really need it and its more of a "now its done, I am relieved". I also never had one while having sex, only when I do it myself or about twice a year when my partner wont give up on "making me feel good" and I try to force it. 

I'm sorry for the wall of text, but I really wanted to mention every important thing...
I really hope I am at the right place for this question for advice. Am I asexual...? 

Thanks so much if you read this and answer me, it means a lot. 

Best wishes, 

Hope

Agreeing with MichaelTannock here. I tell people, we can give suggestions and pointers, but in the end, it's you that will decide/figure out what orientation you are! If you feel like you don't have any sexual attraction, you may be asexual! you might experience aesthetic attraction, much like admiring someones physical beauty but you don't have urge/feeling to have sex with them or be physical with them in any way. 

 

I myself don't experience sexual attraction, but experience aesthetic attraction. I have a libido, but no sexual attraction. I still consider myself ace. My focus here is on the lack of sexual attraction; the libido has nothing to do with it. That said, asexuality is an umbrella. If I were you, I would look up the different types of asexuality. I myself am on the fence still. I might be gray-asexual, or demisexual etc. I haven't quite decided, and definitely don't have to decide! just focus on your feelings; and you can't go wrong :) 

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Anthracite_Impreza
On 9/11/2018 at 1:29 PM, HopeSeeker said:

Its just endlessly annoying and boring when my partner starts touching and grabbing my intimate areas.

This is a very asexual thing to say, you wouldn't find many sexuals saying things like this ;) 

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Ardoise

It sounds to me like you're probably asexual. However, you're not obliged to use that label for yourself if you don't want to.

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Fluffy Femme Guy
On 9/11/2018 at 7:29 AM, HopeSeeker said:

I do like the feel of having an orgasm BUT I dont really need it and its more of a "now its done, I am relieved"

Nothing wrong with that.

If you don't want/need partnered sex then I'd say you're ace.

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HopeSeeker

Thanks to you all for answering, I really appreciate it!

I feel a lot safer now and am really happy to be part of this community :3

 

 

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Sophi

Yes! Sounds ace to me. However, it's only you who can figure it out. Whatever it is, you're valid 💝 remember that your boundaries should be respected! Nothing to be ashamed of if there are things you don't want and like. Keep reading and get informed about asexuality and you might find people with similar experiences. Remember anyone is different and it's ok to not know all. Best wishes! 😊🎂

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