humantoafault

Low libido vs ace

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humantoafault

I've noticed that some definitions of grey ace include those with low libido. Don't think I agree with that. 

 

I fall into this category, and I still have a desire for sex and would want it if in a relationship. But otherwise and for the most part I just don't really care and want to be single. There are areas where I relate to aces, such as not understanding when people talk about someone being hot, or how badly they want sex. I'm like, it's not that important??? 

I think that's the reason I was questioning if I was ace a bit back, because I didn't care about that stuff as much as I thought other people did.

 

Just, if being low libido counts, then a good deal of the population is grey ace 

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Nowhere Girl
4 minutes ago, humantoafault said:

Just, if being low libido counts, then a good deal of the population is grey ace 

And why should it be impossible?

I mean: perhaps all this importance of sex is a self-perpetuating myth which isn't true for a lot of people. Perhaps our culture has overhyped sex to a degree which alienates not only aces. If there is such a thing as "an average libido" - by definition half of the population is below that level! I'm not saying that it's synonymous with being asexual or even graysexual. But altogether - labels can be useful, but sometimes they can actually obscure facts. Probably most low-libido people wouldn't think of themselves as asexual - perhaps also because they were never taught to consider it a valid possibility. But a hypersexual culture can be harmful for everyone who doesn't meet its inflated "standards". (Take casual sex. I believe it's wrong, a lot of people disagree. But what I mean now is that in latest time we are more and more being made to believe that it's completely normal, no big deal - and I'm quite sure that it's out of the question for a huge lot of people.) What we need is sociocultural acceptance for not having sex and not waating sex. True agency-positivity, decision-positivity, instead of blind sex-positivity. This would benefit everyone who feels out of place in a hypersexual culture - both ordinary low-libido people and those who simply never feel sexual desire.

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InquisitivePhilosopher
1 hour ago, humantoafault said:

I've noticed that some definitions of grey ace include those with low libido. Don't think I agree with that. 

 

I fall into this category, and I still have a desire for sex and would want it if in a relationship...Just, if being low libido counts, then a good deal of the population is grey ace 

Perhaps the definition might need to be slightly modified because some with a low libido still don't want sex with another person or to be in a relationship, which definitely makes them not like most of the population at all, who generally seem to desire to be in a relationship, have a sexual relationship with another person and have children.

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Redwylde

I've honestly never known the definition of gray to be "low libido", just that you're attracted sometimes or under certain specifics.

I don't agree with that definition either tbh, libido has never had anything to do with the ace identity.

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Anthracite_Impreza

I assume it means a libido that is so infrequent as to be unusual, like being "in the mood" twice a year or something.

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humantoafault
3 hours ago, InquisitivePhilosopher said:

Perhaps the definition might need to be slightly modified because some with a low libido still don't want sex with another person or to be in a relationship, which definitely makes them not like most of the population at all, who generally seem to desire to be in a relationship, have a sexual relationship with another person and have children.

That seems plausible, though I could almost fall into that category even then. I like the idea of those things and I do on a very small scale desire them. But not enough to act on them unless a relationship literally falls into my lap. I definitely define myself as sexual because that desire does exist, however small

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Philip027

I would think just being low libido is only part of why they would identify that way and not the core component, considering that asexuality itself doesn't exactly have anything inherently to do with libido, only about whether it is directed at others.

 

When it comes down to it, the grey categorization is really just people recognizing whatever it is that makes them feel like they can't fully fit in with either the asexual or sexual crowd; no particular hard set of criteria beyond that.  Not feeling as sexually driven as most of your peers can certainly contribute to that.

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Skycaptain

Libido has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual orientation, end of. 

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CBC
17 hours ago, humantoafault said:

Just, if being low libido counts, then a good deal of the population is grey ace

Agreed, which is why I generally find it to be a useless distinction. Given that orientation is who you're attracted to, not how or when or whatever, I don't consider grey-a to be an orientation. Along with demisexual, it's a way of experiencing sexual desire. And since people who are demi or grey-a experience that desire, they're not ace. It's not rocket science, as they say.

 

(I'm not saying grey-a is always synonymous with low libido, but I'm sure it's a significant part of it for many who identify that way.)

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Philip027
9 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Libido has nothing whatsoever to do with sexual orientation, end of. 

Technically speaking though, I would say someone that experiences no libido ever would have to be asexual by default.

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The Dryad

I mean, what if you have a low libido and you're ace, I don't think libido has anything to do with asexuality.

 

The definition of asexuality is not bring sexually attracted to others, that doesn't mean that you can't have a libido or even be celibate- it's just that most aces seem to be one way, but honestly, asexuality can be pretty varied, and we don't have enough of a population to have a true census on what asexuals in the real world act like..

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Anemoon

Really don't understand what libido has to do with sexual/asexual.

Rather low libido here, but certainly sexual. 

 

Low libido also doesn't mean you don't feel attracted to someone else. It just determines if you handle upon that attraction or not.

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Kayze

The issue with this definition is someone can have a high libido and still be asexual. Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of sexual ability or urges. Gray-asexuality just means rare occurrences of sexual attraction under limited conditions. It's not a voluntary or "of the mood" sort of thing, it's a lack of sexual attraction at all unless specific conditions occur.

 

It would be celibacy or otherwise voluntary if the person actively suppressed their sexual attraction for a personal or temporary reason. Because they still experience sexual attraction, they just are choosing not to act on it. Someone with low libido can identify as any orientation.

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TumultuousTimepiece

I tend to define libido as the act/process of physical arousal, along with the frequency that it happens. Sexual attraction, in that case, would simply be the "direction" those desires tend to be acted upon (whether with the same gender, opposite gender, both, neither, etc).

 

Someone who is gay with low libido, for example, wouldn't be aroused very often, but would *still have the desire to have sex with the same gender.* They still find people sexually attractive and desire sex with them,  but they just aren't physically aroused very often.

 

Someone who is gray-ace with an 'average' libido would be physically aroused fairly often, but wouldn't have the desire to act on it with any gender *in most cases*. There would be times they would like to have sex with someone and find people sexually attractive, but for the most part their arousal would be directionless, and they wouldn't want to act on it with anyone except in rare, and often random, cases.

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