AngryDeer

Sexual and romantic fantasies

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AngryDeer

Do you have sexual fantasies without masturbation? How does it look like? Are you in this fantasies? How does it affect your real life? I have a similar question to aromantics people about romantic fantasies.

I had a lot of sexual fantasies about people that I know, but in real life, I would never do these things. When I meet them, I get repulsed by the idea of having sex with them. I often have this feeling about romantic fantasies too.

 

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SassyGlitterLove

I am aromanic and I experience both of the fantasies. I have very detailed sexual fantasies about a male friend but in real life I would blush and run away if he actually suggested we have sex. But still I think of him in my sexual fantasies and I don't act on them or masturbate to them. And then for the romantic fantasies I think about being in a reationship with someone and we are hugging and holding hands, we go on vacation together to secluded towns. But I have had relationships like this in real life and I always end up hating all the touchiness of holding hands, it always makes me feel claustrophobic. I can only imagine how agitated I would be if I had a partner to travel with becuase I find traveling to be an escape so I wouldn't want someone hanging around wanting attention while I am haaing quiet alone time. I can't explain why I have these fantasies because they aren't what I want in reality but then again, I have no idea what an openly asexual relationship looks like where all parties involved are satisfied and sine I have started to identify as asexual I have  not been in a relationship so I am not sure what I would want in all the details. But I am curious about how a relationship would work so I think for me this is my way of working through the possibilities and trying on different relationship scenarios without actually getting into a relationship. I hope I didn't ramble and that this was somewhat helpful in answering your question. 

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AngryDeer
13 hours ago, SassyGlitterLove said:

I am aromanic and I experience both of the fantasies. I have very detailed sexual fantasies about a male friend but in real life I would blush and run away if he actually suggested we have sex. But still I think of him in my sexual fantasies and I don't act on them or masturbate to them. And then for the romantic fantasies I think about being in a reationship with someone and we are hugging and holding hands, we go on vacation together to secluded towns. But I have had relationships like this in real life and I always end up hating all the touchiness of holding hands, it always makes me feel claustrophobic. I can only imagine how agitated I would be if I had a partner to travel with becuase I find traveling to be an escape so I wouldn't want someone hanging around wanting attention while I am haaing quiet alone time. I can't explain why I have these fantasies because they aren't what I want in reality but then again, I have no idea what an openly asexual relationship looks like where all parties involved are satisfied and sine I have started to identify as asexual I have  not been in a relationship so I am not sure what I would want in all the details. But I am curious about how a relationship would work so I think for me this is my way of working through the possibilities and trying on different relationship scenarios without actually getting into a relationship. I hope I didn't ramble and that this was somewhat helpful in answering your question. 

 

Yes, it was clear and helpful!  I have a similar situation, cause I am a "new" ace too and have minimum practice with openly asexual relationships. I am so glad that someone has fantasies like this too. Lately, I got a little paranoid because other people say: having fantasies means that you want to have a sexual/romantic relationship. If you believe this works differently, you are fooling yourself. End of story. 

It sounds stupid, but if this is the only answer you get, you start thinking of it.

Anyway, thanks for your answer! :) 

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SassyGlitterLove
11 hours ago, AngryDeer said:

 

Yes, it was clear and helpful!  I have a similar situation, cause I am a "new" ace too and have minimum practice with openly asexual relationships. I am so glad that someone has fantasies like this too. Lately, I got a little paranoid because other people say: having fantasies means that you want to have a sexual/romantic relationship. If you believe this works differently, you are fooling yourself. End of story. 

It sounds stupid, but if this is the only answer you get, you start thinking of it.

Anyway, thanks for your answer! :) 

Yay! I am happy I could help!

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Deus Ex Infinity

I do have fantasies but it's mainly about fictonal or furry characters so there's no connection to real life. I'm usually sex repulsed when thinking about other people. 

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HonoraryJedi

I can attest to the fact that what is fun to fantasize about does not necessarily translate to what you'd also want to happen to you. I have sexual fantasies that can get pretty dark, of course, I would never want this to happen to me, or to anyone in real life. Think of it in a way like a lot of people like epic battles in stories, and likes to imagine they are there, being cool and fighting and all. But being in a war in real life is not something most of us would actually want. Because that's horrible. We can separate the real from the imaginary. 

 

To answer the questions more directly, I do have fantasies. I am not in them. I only think of fictional characters, often ones I make up myself. I never was comfortable thinking about real people this way. There is also a difference between purely sexual thoughts (which are the ones that get dark) that really have nothing else to them, and the more making up stories in my head, where the romance stuff comes in. But even those much nicer stories, I know that while I enjoy thinking about it, and I can put myself in the mindset of someone wanting sex and romance, I still don't want it for myself.

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AngryDeer
On 8/31/2018 at 10:23 AM, HonoraryJedi said:

I can attest to the fact that what is fun to fantasize about does not necessarily translate to what you'd also want to happen to you. I have sexual fantasies that can get pretty dark, of course, I would never want this to happen to me, or to anyone in real life. Think of it in a way like a lot of people like epic battles in stories, and likes to imagine they are there, being cool and fighting and all. But being in a war in real life is not something most of us would actually want. Because that's horrible. We can separate the real from the imaginary. 

 

To answer the questions more directly, I do have fantasies. I am not in them. I only think of fictional characters, often ones I make up myself. I never was comfortable thinking about real people this way. There is also a difference between purely sexual thoughts (which are the ones that get dark) that really have nothing else to them, and the more making up stories in my head, where the romance stuff comes in. But even those much nicer stories, I know that while I enjoy thinking about it, and I can put myself in the mindset of someone wanting sex and romance, I still don't want it for myself.

Wow, the war example is really great and helping. Thank you for your answer! it's good to know that I am not the only one with fantasies in ace community  :)

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AngryDeer
On 8/31/2018 at 6:17 AM, Deus Ex Infinity said:

I do have fantasies but it's mainly about fictonal or furry characters so there's no connection to real life. I'm usually sex repulsed when thinking about other people. 

 

I have fantasies with real people but with fictional characters too. Thanks for the help, now I feel that I am not alone with this :) 

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Salmiakki
On 8/31/2018 at 11:23 AM, HonoraryJedi said:

Think of it in a way like a lot of people like epic battles in stories, and likes to imagine they are there, being cool and fighting and all. But being in a war in real life is not something most of us would actually want. Because that's horrible. We can separate the real from the imaginary. 

I really like this way of explaining it. 

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Siimo

I have fantasies, but as others have said here they're only appealing when they're imaginary, and I am quite fine with keeping them in my head, or at least only going as far as talking about them with people I trust in the right situation.  Having been in quasi-sexual relationships I am settled on the stance that in real life almost everything would be boring, unstimulating or actually uncomfortable for me.

 

Something else that is a complex for me is people I get squishes on because I admire them and have some degree of aesthetic attraction for. Assuming they are sexual, in my head I would agree to sexual things because they deserve to enjoy what they desire in return for being awesome people, and maybe even like it myself, but in reality I might be unlikely even to initiate a relationship and very problematic with anything sexual even whilst still thinking what I just described.

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Deus Ex Infinity
29 minutes ago, AngryDeer said:

 

I have fantasies with real people but with fictional characters too. Thanks for the help, now I feel that I am not alone with this :) 

Great! :D I'm glad that you're feeling better. Same goes for me by the way since most people would think that I'm crazy because of my fictroromantic / fictosexual oientation so I can't really talk about it.

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~Adair~

I have thoughts that are fantasy-esque, but they never involve me, it's just pretend people who care about each other and are into it. It isn't like I'm interested in them, but just that they're into each other. I have a little physical response to the thoughts, but not really a dramatic one, and it doesn't matter whether it's just kissing or more than that, and again, the fantasy adjacent thoughts don't ever have me in them. I don't do anything in real life other than sit under a warm blanket lost in thought. I don't know if this is something other people think or do, or if it's a byproduct of my weird teenage brain juice.

 

EDIT: Just now realised these scenes always end with characters' clothes on, cutting back to when they're all finished like a tv show. That's not normal, is it?

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Louise928

I enjoy reading romance and smut (as long as it isn't too cheesy) and since I have a very vivid imagination, my fantasies and "daydreams" are usually me inventing situations about celebrities or fictional characters. They pretty much never involve me, though. I'm not able to imagine me being involved in these kind of things as long as there isn't someone specific I'm at least somewhat interested in. I reckon this is also the reason why I find fantasising about people I know in real life rather disconcerting.

 

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Karoushi

Sexual fantasies are a rarity for me but if they pop up out of nowhere, I usually don't enjoy them even if I'm not in them. But I have been getting some romantic fantasies lately but they've mostly been just cuddling and just small sensual stuff in general. Those I do tend to be in. They're quite pleasant and current friends I have tend to be in those fantasies. I do want a qpr so maybe that's why they've been popping up more frequently for me.  

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CBC

Well, to provide a different perspective here, I'm romantic and sexual and literally never have general fantasies of romance or sex. I've had what I guess one would call fantasies that are more like images of brief moments in time or scenes that last no more than a few seconds, involving an actual partner specifically, most often when interacting with them via messaging and we're, uh, talking about such things. I really don't spend time outside of relationship-related stuff thinking about either sex or romance. If there's no one in my life I'm connected to in those ways, my brain seems to just... not see a point. This goes for all sorts of fantasies, really. I also don't fantasise about what it would be like to be rich or beautiful or to be a cat or go to the moon or win the Nobel prize. I'm a very curious person, but I don't really lose myself to fantasy much.

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disneydork

Most of my fantasies are actually daydreams. I wrote High School Musical fanfiction throughout college and roleplayed on and off since high school, so my fantasies/daydreams always involved the characters playing out a scene that was happening or might happen. Sometimes they were dramatic, sometimes they were romantic (i guess on a date and/or kissing is the simplest explanation) but it never escalated to s-x. And if there were ever hints it would go that far, that's all it would be is hints. Like how in some shows they have characters making out and then fade to black or skip to another scene. I noticed though the one recurring thing in all of them is the emotions connected to the characters. Their feelings are strong, their feelings are obvious, and it's always how those emotions affect the scene, them as characters, and the other characters. 

 

As for me being in a fantasy, recently i had all of one romantic fantasy with me and it was in the simplest manner possible lasting for less than a minute. That's the only one i can think of. Any other 'fantasies' i have involve me having deep conversations with people. They're usually people close to me so i don't know if i say things in these daydreams/fantasies to get them off my chest or because i feel close enough to them to even potentially tell them those things, or maybe it's my mind telling me that i need those deep, personal connections with people. And then my mind goes to a best case scenario or a worst case scenario and it causes me to start overthinking basically everything. Sometimes my heart does speed a little after that, just kinda freaking out a little what would happen if the daydream actually happened or maybe it was just surprised at how real it can feel sometimes. If you asked about actual dreams though...well that's a different story o.0

 

I'm sorry, i don't know how much that could've helped when i question my own romantic orientation, but i tried...

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Fluffy Femme Guy

I used to have some romantic fantasies. Pretty basic stuff, but it gave a large emotional response.
This isn't a thing for me anymore and hasn't been for some time.

I do sometimes have sexual fantasies, mostly fictional characters,  but there's two real people I used to know that show up sometimes.
They're a little kinky. Nothing too weird but I don't want to go into detail.
I'll admit I like some sexual imagery, but I would feel *very* uncomfortable doing any of that for real.

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EngineerHologram

Honestly for me, it's more like writing/reading fan fiction, even if I'm included into it. It's fun at times to play it out in your mind, yet honestly both sexual and romantic actions are boring and confining at best for me. It's almost like in your mind it's a dream, however when you actually act on it, it becomes a bit of a nightmare. Hopefully that makes sense.

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acethetically_amaceing

I don't really have sexual fantasies, I think, because it generally just makes me uncomfortable even if I don't act on them (I have no interest in masturbating either). As soon as I start thinking about doing that with a person, my mind instantly just turns away from it, and imagining the faces of people I know (or don't know) in such situations feels very weird for me. However I can read and enjoy romance in fanfiction, but I only stand reading smut to a certain extent, and beyond that point it just seems ridiculous and over-exaggerated to me. I enjoy writing stories myself, and some of them include romance, but I generally don't write smut simply because it weirds me out and I can't relate to it. 

 

As for the romantic fantasies, I rarely have those either, but if I do, it's really innocent ones (basically just a mental picture of me having someone to sit in the darkness of a cinema with, or have a picnic with under a tree, hand-holding, maybe kissing and some light cuddling but not "making out"). And I can't ever see faces in such fantasies, it's always just a "blank" person. I do realise that most of those things I have in my "romantic" fantasies are things that are widely considered platonic, which is why I think I might be greyromantic or possibly aromantic. 

Hopefully this makes some sense at least! x

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Lemon Ice Tea

Honestly, I just have fetish based fantasies. They do not involve intercourse or any other form of sexual contact. They typically involve a male friend, but I think that’s just because he is a person I know and trust. I also imagine characters from shows I watch doing these things.

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