Badomens

What do I want from him ?

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Badomens

Okay people, I might need some help figuring out what my problem is. So I have this customer who comes by the shop every few days. Happily married to a really sweet woman, happy father of several kids... All things my aro ass can't imagine wanting. Anyway, I am barely ever attracted to people so I never thought it would be an issue here. And yet. I've never been so attracted to anyone before. And I'm not talking about sex. I see him and I don't want to climb him like a tree but whenever he's around, my skin gets too tight and I'm gently vibrating. I crave his touch. I can't stop thinking about burying my nose between his shoulder blades. But when I think about having him, I have no idea what I want from him. Except for touch. I'm beuond touch starved so yes, touch. But I don't really need a kiss or anything quite so explicit. Sex would be okay because I'd get to observe him lost in pleasure. But... I just don't know what I would want from him. And he's the symbol of every other person I've ever been attracted to. It's not sexual but it's not romantic either... What is it that I want ?

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Life Of Tass

I think you're sensually attracted to him.

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Badomens

I had the same thought but then where is the line between sensually and sexually ? Or even romantically ? Because the motivation might be pure sensual attraction but the things such an attraction could lead me to do could seem more sexual or romantic. Take a kiss for exemple. The thought of kissing him puzzles me more than it pleases me but, were he to kiss me, I'd let him and I'd enjoy it not for the romantic notion but because lips are soft and warm and it's another kind of touch I can appreciate. Same goes for sex. I don't need sex, most of the time I avoid sexual situations. But there are things I like to do that other people perceive as clearly sexual. I would and sometimes do engage in acts that are deemed sexual by others but never out of sexual intent. The point is enjoying having someone vulnerable and raw and honest in my hands. So yes, I really struggle with the different lines that I seem to cross without knowing it. Yes I can kiss people but only for the sensual pleasure of it. Yes I can have some forms of sex but not out of want or arousal. Only for the pleasure of giving pleasure ? It makes me feel like I'm lying to myself and I'm not the ace/aro I say I am. It's really confusing...

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