About friends with benefits.

[Telecaster68]

Trying out sex with a friend out of curiosity is very different to finding someone to be a FWB, which is what this initially sounded like. 

 

Aces can enjoy sex, but once they start actively desiring it for their own pleasure, how are they different to sexuals? 

[Youreboththebestbestfriend]

1 minute ago, Telecaster68 said:

Trying out sex with a friend out of curiosity is very different to finding someone to be a FWB, which is what this initially sounded like. 

 

Aces can enjoy sex, but once they start actively desiring it for their own pleasure, how are they different to sexuals? 

I'm sorry, maybe I didn't describe it clear. I agree that finding a FWB specifically might indeed be weird for an asexual.
We're friends and I might have fantasized about it with her before once or twice but never seriously until she gave me all these hints and basically suggests it's an option. And now I just, I don't know. I'm intrigued. And maybe it IS fun and I will like it and at least I will know more about what I want/don't want for the future..?

[Youreboththebestbestfriend]

10 minutes ago, TheAP said:

@Youreboththebestbestfriend If you want to try sex, it's okay to do so. It's possible that you might develop sexual attraction/desire, but again, you might not. Just give it time and see how your feelings develop.

Thanks, I'm so confused because it's the first time I ever think about actually doing/wanting that stuff. I'm back to questioning everything again (and I never figured the romantic part out) and it drives me crazy. 🙈

[Ceebs]

17 minutes ago, Youreboththebestbestfriend said:

I trust her, and I might like sex, so why not try and experiment? 

Then go for it. Seriously, that's my advice. If you're comfortable with the idea, do it. Experience is a good thing. Don't worry about the orientation stuff. You figure yourself out by allowing yourself to have experiences, not so much by sitting around and philosophising.

[ryn2]

People don’t usually find FWBs (that would just be hookups)... the whole point of FWB is that you’re friends already and you’re both in a bind so why not help each other out?

 

The only difference with a one person being a curious probably-ace is that it could easily turn out that you’re not actually “both in a bind” after all.

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Youreboththebestbestfriend said:

And maybe it IS fun and I will like it and at least I will know more about what I want/don't want for the future..?

Yes if you found out you did actually enjoy it, and started wanting more of it for pleasure, then at that point you could reassess your asexual label. You can't know until you try though (as long as you're 100% open to trying it with her of course). I don't really think this would be a FWB situation, more a situation of you testing the waters to see if you like sex. If you did like it and kept having sex with her, then that would definitely be FWB (though I don't think it would be 'asexual' by that point, haha)

[Youreboththebestbestfriend]

You're right, if I want it I need to do it. I won't know otherwise. I guess next time I'll try ask her more about it/let her know I'd be interested/I'm curious. Then see what happens, she might not have even meant me. And I tried to ask her if she did it multiple times with some friends and she said not always. So even if we do it once and I don't like it, or she doesn't, I think it won't be a problem either.

[Guest]

52 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

Trying out sex with a friend out of curiosity is very different to finding someone to be a FWB, which is what this initially sounded like. 

Is different, but they explained they are intrigued and friends already. If they turn it into FWB from experimenting then it might be different. 

 

52 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said:

 

Aces can enjoy sex, but once they start actively desiring it for their own pleasure, how are they different to sexuals? 

I would agree with this. I was just making a jab by asking because you said me desiring sex for my own pleasure made me a sex positive ace in that other thread. 😛

[gisiebob]

8 hours ago, Telecaster68 said:

Trying out sex with a friend out of curiosity is very different to finding someone to be a FWB, which is what this initially sounded like. 

 

Aces can enjoy sex, but once they start actively desiring it for their own pleasure, how are they different to sexuals? 

ok. so I personally have no problem with you wanting things to either be one thing or the other. the problem I could have is you not affording someone else that same privilege.

 

...hm. here take this gradient

 

now drawing a line between white and black on it IS OK.

however! that is only ok IF should someone else draw a different line you recognize that is just as true for that individual. I prefer scattergraphs and ven diagrams to line charts and bar graphs, myself.

 

8 hours ago, Youreboththebestbestfriend said:

You're right, if I want it I need to do it. I won't know otherwise. I guess next time I'll try ask her more about it/let her know I'd be interested/I'm curious. Then see what happens, she might not have even meant me. And I tried to ask her if she did it multiple times with some friends and she said not always. So even if we do it once and I don't like it, or she doesn't, I think it won't be a problem either. 

be excited, be curious, be scared, be safe.

but do not worry about the ace police catching you, they do not exist.

[Telecaster68]

You're obviously free to redefine words into meaninglessness all you like when you use them. However it makes communication impossible because the essence of language is a shared symbolic meaning.