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How can one get a boyfriend if one doesn't want sex?


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This is something that has bothered me for a long time.

And i don't know the answer!!!

I can't be sexual. It's just not right for me!!

How do u approach telling a potential boyfriend that sex isnt on the agenda?? The last one ran a mile, when he wasnt going to get anything from me!!

*groan*

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How do u approach telling a potential boyfriend that sex isnt on the agenda?? The last one ran a mile, when he wasnt going to get anything from me!!

Been there, done that. It's a waste of time. Just make close friends with people who you know aren't going to be sexually attracted to you.

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Worthless Poster
You have to get lucky :?

I thought we... DIDN'T want to get lucky...?

Find an asexual boyfriend. Otherwise, won't work.

Actually, Dan (my boyfriend) is very sexual... but he respects me enough that it's just not an issue. If you really connect, it shouldn't be a problem. Goes to support my theory that hyper-sexual relationships are, in general, very weak. Trying to get over differences using physical means. Non-sexual relationships are stronger. You just gotta find the right sexual boyfriend or girlfriend. Altough an asexual one wouldn't be bad, either...

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it's very possible to find a sexual boyfriend and be happy. you just have to find one of those great ones that like you for you and not cause they're horny. i got one, and he is great. he even cuddles with me while i am deathly ill, risking his own health. that is dedication.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Heh, I heard from a friend that my ex wanted to cheat on me because I didn't want sex.

ANd the wierd thing is that I really wouldn't've cared less o.O

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I'm in the "give it up, it ain't gonna' happen" club. It should but for some reason it just doesn't.

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You can always say that you are saving yourself. :D

*wince* But that's a lie...It'll just leave the other in anticipation. Far better to be honest from the start, before matters get very, very complicated.

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You can always say that you are saving yourself. :D

*wince* But that's a lie...It'll just leave the other in anticipation. Far better to be honest from the start, before matters get very, very complicated.

that was my reaction as well :? Be truthful, if someone can't live without having sex in a relationship, then problems are going to arrise, and the relationship won't surrvive. I'd rather be in a relationship where everything is out at the beginning, so both people know what to expect and what to not expect, and no one is unpleasently surprised later on....
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What always makes me wonder is how are these supposedly sexual people going to cope themselves when they go off the boil, sexually speaking? I mean, surely not all sexual people will still be at 'it' when they are older???????????

What will they do when their favourite pastime is no longer on the menu? Will they trade their partners in for a younger model or will they realise that they might have to actually engage their 'other halves' in conversation? These people who have lived with them for years and they know next to nothing about.

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Skatepixie: I knew what you meant. That's still a lie. And it's very possible to get romantically entangled enough for the other person to think you'll want to marry them. Or even enough so that you'll want to marry them also, except without sex.

Way better to discuss asexuality LONG before a marriage type situation comes into the picture.

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Way better to discuss asexuality LONG before a marriage type situation comes into the picture.

Seconded! Basing a relationship around a lie will only cause serious problems, especially if you turn out to really love the person.

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Way better to discuss asexuality LONG before a marriage type situation comes into the picture.
Definitely :P and it also will help to keep them from misunderstanding you a lot. :P
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Heh, I heard from a friend that my ex wanted to cheat on me because I didn't want sex.

A surprising number of my ex's did.

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  • 1 month later...
How do u approach telling a potential boyfriend that sex isnt on the agenda?? The last one ran a mile, when he wasnt going to get anything from me!!

Well you could hide behind the religious, moral excuse even if it's not the real reason why you don't want to have sex. There still are some people that think premarital sex is wrong...

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*points at her earlier protests against lying in this thread*

Not trying to be rude. Just don't wanna type that stuff all over again. *lazy*

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Unfortunately i think that asexuality and monogomy are a little like oil and water. Polyamarous communities/ideas might be a good way to go (you can be someone's primary nonsexual lover and they can have secondary sexual lovers.) Ie Polyam communities provide a language to approach people and tell them what sort of relationship you're interested in. Since the majority of the world doesn't have an appealing word for "nonsexual dating" you probably have to play the field a bit differently. For me (though I'm not necessarily a dater) that means being out and and actively questioning the system of dating.

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Unfortunately i think that asexuality and monogomy are a little like oil and water.

I don't really agree with that. I think it's quite possible to be in an asexual monogamous relationship. Granted, your partner should either be asexual or one of you is willing to make a sacrifice. But I don't think they are incompatible.

I know being in a polam relationship(s) would be difficult for me. I'm too jealous a person to be somebody's part-time girlfriend. I think it's great for people who are less insecure than I am, though. If it works for you, that's awesome.

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I'm not one that can handle polygamy. Was briefly with a girl who was polyamorous. Wish she had told me beforehand heh. At any rate, I wasn't able to handle it. I'm asexual and strictly monogomous.

-Doc

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